


Drawing Me In, And You Kicking Me Out

by Honeydropsnbubblegum



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angry Sex, Angst, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Depression, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, M/M, Nosh, Pining, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Burn, larry stylinson - Freeform, ziam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2018-09-26 15:10:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 48,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9908159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Honeydropsnbubblegum/pseuds/Honeydropsnbubblegum
Summary: Soulmates AU: where, your world is black and white until you meet your soulmate, after which your world is filled with colours, but when your soulmate dies your world goes back to being black and white.Liam, 22, met his soulmate Danielle very young. He also lost her very young to a tragic accident. His world is now black and white, and he's fine with it, almost happy cause he didn't think a world without Danielle was worth much.Enter Zayn Malik and all of a sudden Liam's world is thrown out of proportion when not only does Zayn become a integral part of his group but also, all of a sudden, Liam can see colors....





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is just my shot at writing something.
> 
> It's not beta'd and i am writing for the first time so don't judge. Also this story is mostly Ziam centric but there will be chapters being Larry and Nosh centric too (just a bit) Also the later chapters i plan on introducing smut so if that's not your thing byeeeeeeee....and if this actually gets views or something this maybe one long ass fan-fiction
> 
> NOW, moving on.....more about this universe:
> 
> It's basically a soulmate AU where only when you meet your soulmate do you see colors....before that, well, its all dull and boring.
> 
> P.S : Everyone believes that they have only a single soulmate, but what if there's more than one person out there who's perfect for you? this fanfic basically explores that aspect.
> 
> OK SO THIS WORK CAN ALSO BE FOUND ON WATTPAD UNDER THE SAME NAME.

"How will I live without you?" Liam asked, his eyes brimmed with tears and bloodshot. There was a bandage wrapped around his head and wrist. Both his hands were holding one of Danielle's beautiful palm. There were tubes coming out from everywhere and attaching to her arms, chest and nostrils. "Fine you can gimme your life and take my position on the bed and die" she said but there was no bite to her words and she was smiling softly at Liam.

Hearing that, Liam just pressed his forehead to where there hands were clasped and whispered "you know, if I could I would" he whispers. "Hey, hey hey none of that emotional nonsense" Danielle says jokingly and Liam sobs.

"Hey? Hey Lima Bean?" she says softly and he looks up into her eyes " I want you to be happy, even after I'm gone promise me you'll find someone who'll make you happy" he tries to protest, but she continues "shhhh! listen please baby, its my dying wish, promise me you"ll find someone who makes you happy, promise me you'll love again, promise me you'll give love and life another chance. I'll love you always and I know its vice versa but baby, my baby boy you were my whole book but I'm just a chapter in your life, important OF COURSE!" she says with a smirk, and Liam manages a small snort but then she again smiles sadly and continues "the world deserves your kindness Liam Payne and I'm so lucky that i got to call you mine, even if only for a little while. Now c'mon promise me you'll be strong and move on and find happiness in life?" He kisses her forehead and whispers "I promise". "Hmmmmm...I'm tired , sing me to sleep?" she asks.

Somewhere Liam already knows that this is the last time he's seeing her kind eyes look back at him. But he nods shakily and chokes back a sob, then he puts a hand to her forehead and runs his finger through her hair and begins

"I'll sing it one last time for you

Then we really have to go  
You've been the only thing that's right  
In all I've done.And I can barely look at you  
But every single time I do  
I know we'll make it anywhere  
Away from here....."

There's a peaceful look on her face, her eyes closed and then as the ECR machine beeps real loud showing a straight line on it Liam's world goes back to being black and white and maybe its forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, if you like it just leave a kudos! :)


	2. I'm here without you baby.

"You know, I'm not gonna ask you to get over it but it has been 10 months and sitting here not eating, smoking your nights away and not going to work will not help" said the curly hair lad softly. Liam just hummed back. "You really need to eat", said Harry picking up the litter around the room. "I do eat, Haz" said Liam tiredly. "Proper food, nutritional maybe?" he said picking a packet of pringles with a hand on his waist, as if to emphasise his point. "She loved it, you know? Told me once if possible she'd eat them for all meals", he said smiling sadly. 

Harry drops the packet walks over to Liam and envelops him in a bear hug and that's it, that is when Liam loses all control and wails like a baby "I love her so much!! She can't just leave me! what am I now without her? No shared dinners" he sobs multiple times "no..noo" he chokes a bit "Haz, Haz I need her to keep me sane and now that....now that" he chokes again " now that she's not here what am I to do?" he keeps sobbing but Harry holds him through it all.

Eventually when Liam is only dry heaving, he starts gently "Liam, you are so strong, stronger than you know, love. And you have to go on, if not for yourself then Dani. You know she would hate it if she knew what you were doing to yourself" "yea?what does it matter what she'd think? she ain't here anymore." Harry looked up at him with soft eyes and put his hand on Liam's chest "the one's that love us, never really leave us, they can always be found, right here" he said tapping his finger at the point of his heart beat. "Thanks Harry, you're a nice mate" Harry just smiled softly at him.

After a few hours of chatting and Harry making sure that Liam's cupboards were filled with supplies to last him all week and he had enough microwave dinner, he said casually, "you know Lou told me the substitute teacher is shit" Liam hummed noncommittally but he knows where this conversation is going and he internally decided he was ready-ready to enter his life again. "Josh misses you at work, says he has lost the daddy of his staff. There's also some new English teacher apparently, and mind you I'm quoting Lou here 'looks so good, just wanna suck him like a lollipop' sad, now that he's stuck with me" Harry says with a fond smile, then continues" but you aren't". 

Liam groans, not this again, he's tired of his friends trying to make him go out with someone, refusing to let him wallow in his self pity, " Harry, you know I had one soulmate, she's gone and that's that I cannot find another Dani" "But that's just the point! you don't have to find another Dani, you know when my dad died my mum thought that was it for her too! But then look, out there grocery shopping and on the counter she met Robin, all the colors came right back and the rest is history, look how happy she is, but you need to at least go out there Liam"

"Haz I'm happy for Anne, I really truly am, but my forever was Dani and that's how it will be. What happened with Anne is a one in a million thing, to have two soulmates""It's a world of 6.1 billion"Harry interrupted "she is so lucky and in case you did'nt notice I'm not on the better side with luck" Liam finished ignoring Harry's interruption completely.

"I'm gonna get going " said Harry picking up his satchel "it's getting dark and Louis get's really worried, you know him" Liam nods " Just promise me you'll go for work tomorrow?" "yeah...yeah I'll try" says Liam shakily. "Don't try, I'll tell Louis to pick you up in the morning" Liam nods again and makes his way with Harry to the front door. Harry hugs him one last time and whispers softly "we all miss you Lima Bean" Liam clenches his eyes shut and sighs shakily into Harry's neck. Then Harry let's go and starts walking down the porch to his car, midway he turns and says "oh yea, before i forget Lou told me to tell you that you have to be there at his birthday or he's coming here and dragging you all the way down there head first." Liam smiles, same old Lou. He nods "2 weeks, eh?" "2 weeks" replies Harry and continues to his car.

Once Harry has driven away Liam goes into his house, locks the door and turns around to his empty home, no Danielle and in a way no Liam too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a kudos maybe? :)


	3. Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road

Liam woke up and saw the digital clock flashing 7:00 am. Next to the clock was a Danielle smiling out of the frame. He couldn't see it but he knew she was wearing a champagne pink top in the photo.

*flashback*

"ITS CHAMPAGNE PINK AND YOUR SHIRT IS BABY PINK!" Danielle huffs exasperated by her boyfriends lack of interest in looking like the great couple that they were.

"Dani, they both look the same to me its just pink who cares? its a colour big shit!" Liam says smiling slightly at Danielle's exasperation "and how does it matter? we always look great together, with you there no one will even notice me."

"LIAM JAMES PAYNE YOU ARE NOT GETTING AWAY WITH THAT EXCUSE THIS TIME!!!!!NO!!! THIS IS MY HORRIBLY BITCHY COUSINS DINNER REHEARSAL AND WE ARE SHOWING HER WE ARE A BETTER COUPLE MARRIED OR NOT! Come on now we are going out to get you a champagne pink shirt right now" she grabs Liam by the hand and puts all her weight into trying to make him stand up as she mutters in a mocking tone "'who cares? its a colour big shit!' obviously you don't know its importance, after all you got me early had you gone through the torture of never finding a soulmate you'd know they are not just colours" she keeps muttering about how she had to be the one to be stuck with the most unromantic male on the face of earth all through their ride while Liam just shook his head and smiled at her fondly.

*present*

Liam gets up, looks at the picture of Danielle, smiles and says "baby, i hope you are proud of me" and makes his way to the closet, it doesn't really matter to him what he wears...not like he's going to be able to make out anyway

By the time Louis' car rolls in, Liam is ready to go. "Wow you look like hell" Louis greets him. He just flicks Louis a finger, he knows he looks bad, has bags under his eyes and has lost much more weight than can be taken to be healthy, but well he also just lost his soulmate, okay maybe not just but still 10 months was no time at all Liam thought. "Nice to see you too Tommo" he says as he put's on his seat belt ."Here," Louis says handing him a wrapped ham sandwich-his favourite . He looks Louis in the eye, and sees black and white instead of the usual sharp blue that he's used to, he thinks he might miss that a bit. "Harry knew you wouldn't eat breakfast so he send it." Trust Harry to do that . "Thanks" Liam mumbled slightly abashed by his pitiful behaviour as he lightly nibbled on the sandwich. "So hows the school been? I called up Josh to tell him I'm coming back last night, he sounded like he was ready to kiss me through the phone, so I'm guessing the substitute was horrible?" "He was, right twat, no one liked him and for a bit everyone hated you for going on a break" Liam tried to interrupt him by saying that he had just lost his soulmate but Louis cut it by saying" dont take it the wrong way, they love you and they get that you needed time, but seriously mate that substitute was so obnoxious and loud" "more than you?" Liam cut in with a slight smirk "hey hey hey I'm the sass master LiLi, dont try to get too smart with me" Louis said with a smirk.

"No, but seriously mate he was always irritating me and Zayn at lunch, asking him to go out, like he would." Louis started parking in the driveway. "Zayn?" Liam asked slightly confused cause he was sure he hadn't ever heard that name before. "Oh my god! shit! I can't believe I didn't tell you about Zayn. Oh, mate he is totally chill and a complete prankster, like i found my soulmate" Louis pauses for a minute "okay wait no, that came out wrong, i found my soulmate ages ago, that's always gonna be Curly, but you know Zayn is my partner in crime". Liam smiled and asked "You know as much as i appreciate you waxing poetic about this Zayn I would like to know who he actually is?Like how do you know him?" "Oh, yeah I totally forgot he's like perfect for you, he's into comics, avengers and that kinda nerdy shit, oh and he's the new English teacher".

Liam sighed and ran a hand through his hair. There he was again, that new English teacher. Why was everyone so in love with him? and why did everyone have to tell Liam that they were perfect for each other when clearly Liam was hopelessly boring and this guy, this Zayn, was obviously endlessly fascinating. Liam sighed again, lately he was doing that a lot "Man, I'm sorry but i dont think i have it in me to love again" he says with a sad smile. As they walk in to the building, that is now all dull grey to Liam it starts drizzling outside and Louis pats him gently on the back trying to reassure him.

They walk into the teacher's common room, which is thankfully empty, except Nick, "Hey Liam, mate are you okay?" "fine Nick, all ok" Liam says with a forced smile. Nick walks up to him as Liam sits down on his chair. "If you need anything" Nick says, then puts his palm on Liam's thigh "anything at all'" squeezing his thigh a bit "just let me know,okay?" Yeah, Nick was a little bit of a slut for Liam. Liam gently pried his thigh out of Nick's palms and said "I'll remember that, thank you" with a pained smile. Louis was snickering next to the coffee machine, while Nick stood up and gave a sickly sweet smile to Liam as he started leaving. "Hey, Grimshaw seen Malik around?" Louis asked before he left. "Zayn? yeah, he went to his class early said something about preparing them for state championship", and walked out. "The man has no chill" Liam said as soon as he left and Louis roared with laughter. "He's a wittle in loooooovvveeee with you Lima Bean". Liam knew this was true but refused to acknowledge it. 

He stood up and gathered a few files while saying "better go meet Devine before he get's my balls". Louis gives him a thumbs up and says " You do that! Riding back home together?" "obviously who else would i go with?" Liam says and with that he leaves the teacher's common room to go to the Principles office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like it. Leave a Kudos and subscribe :) Comments and feed backs are always appreciated


	4. But I'll be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so i thought I'll update it one more time before the weekend so here goes....

Liam walked in and knocked on the door, "May I come in Mr. Devine?" he asked. "Mr. Payne, please come in" said Josh looking up from his papers. The minute Liam shut the door Josh jumped from his seat and hugged Liam tightly and said "Missed you so much Payno." Liam smiled slightly at Josh and his eagerness "Right back at you Devine". Josh let go of him and went to his seat while Liam took the opposite chair. "We all did miss you Payno. I mean that substitute was totally useless, if we weren't so desperate I'd kick him out personally, which i did, not quite literally cause it was on the phone but yeah.....it was satisfying all the same". Liam felt slightly guilty now, everybody was so concerned over him and endlessly supportive, but he had been selfish and instead of taking his responsibility toward them he had just thought of his misery. But he got like that sometimes, where he'd get too hard on himself, never allowing any room for mistake, never letting anything be easy, always thinking everything was his fault. In times like these Danielle would say "Your name should be Liam Pain, cause right you are being a pain in my ass, baby stop taking everything so seriously, its not always you", and that helped usually but now there was no Danielle so no help, he would have to support himself.

".....and then there's Zayn," that name broke Liam out of his reverie and he realised that Josh had been speaking this whole time. He looked up sharply at that name. Josh continued, as though he hadn't realised that Liam wasn't paying attention for a bit, "He is really great, nice dude, does his work well and oh my God his accent is so hot, kinda put off he ain't my soulmate, but guess I'll just have to wait some more to see a colourful life" said Josh with a put upon sigh. Josh hadn't yet found his soulmate, but he wasn't the kind to get put out by it, instead he was sure that the wait would be worth it.

Liam hummed noncommittally and there was 30 seconds of silence after which, "but you know what?" Liam looked at him as if asking to continue, but internally he has a feeling he knows what is to come. "Zayn's perfect for you! He is exactly someone you'd like to be with", thats when Liam groaned and banged his head to the table, "Stooooooopppp" he groaned. "I'm tired, tired of hearing how perfect this Zayn dude is for me, this man who I haven't even met. Like man why is no one getting it? Dani was it for me! I can't love again, it's like cheating on her." Josh rubbed his neck and looked sheepishly at Liam "Sorry mate, I had no idea that you had already been pestered on this topic.I just thought...whatever give me your papers I'll sign them up and then you can go for your first class" Liam handed him the papers and said "No, no its okay, not your fault sorry for losing it at you." Josh waved him off and signed the papers, but while handing them back he said "Ready for Tommos birthday bash?" "As ready as I can be right now" Liam said and opened the door. "Lima Bean?" Josh said right before he stepped out. Liam turned around, "It wouldn't be cheating you know that right? She wanted you to go on...." Liam smiled sadly and nodded cause as much as he hated to accept it, he knows that Danielle would have wanted him to move on. He then shuts the door and goes for his first lesson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK I know this is short and shit but I just wanted to make one last entry before the weekend hit and I was too excited and wanted to share my excitement with you'll...cause I wont post till Monday and I have things that need to be said so, Monday's chapter update is gonna consist of :
> 
> 1.Larry smut
> 
> 2.timeline skip to Boo Bears birthday
> 
> 3\. Maybe an entry for Zayn?
> 
> 4\. Nosh's meet cute (or first meeting, let's see what it turns into)
> 
> 5.THE FIRST CHAPTER I UPDATE WILL BE FULL LARRY SMUT WHAT ELSE COULD YOU"LL WANT?
> 
> Muahahahahaha now I'm alright once I have shared it with you'll too...BUT I'M STILL SOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED  
> Hit subscribe maybe even kudos? :) also if you're on wattpad you can access this fanfic there too....Feed backs and suggestions are always welcome. :)


	5. I’m All Yours, I got No Control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so here's the thing I wrote this all of Saturday and major part of today so I thought I'll just post it cause it will bug me if it just stays in the draft.  
> Important things to know for this chapter:(in order of priority)  
> 1\. shameless Larry smut, like literally 1000 words of smut  
> 2\. its a time skip to Louis' birthday  
> 3\. LARRY SMUT  
> Okay, now on with the chapter:

Harry pulled against the restraints on his legs, trying his legs to get closer. The dildo was vibrating steadily, but it was never enough. The plastic object was just vibrating in him but refused to touch his prostate. His dick was resting on his belly; his hands and legs were spread and tied to the bedpost. The cock ring would not let him cum, not like the dildo was giving him enough stimulus, it was keeping him just on the brink of pleasure. Frankly, he was getting highly frustrated, he had been left like this for an hour now, while Louis, the ass that he was had gone to check their backyard, to make sure everything for the party was in order. In this 1 hour the thought, as to why he agreed to let Louis do ANYTHING had crossed him several times. The only logical answer was- it’s his birthday.  
As Harry struggled against the restraints to get the dildo to hit his sweet spot, he thought whether his boyfriend even plans on letting him attend the party or is he just going to leave Harry here to torture him sweetly? As he groaned in frustration the lock clicked and in walked Louis, shirtless. “Loueh” Harry whimpered. Louis cocked an eyebrow and Harry then whimpered “Daddy! Daddy please …” “Hazza, baby look at you” Louis says as he slips off his jeans and pant in one go. Harry whimpered at the site, Louis walked to the edge of the bed and started stroking his hard cock slightly. “Daddy please” whimpered Harry “Please what, Hazza?” “Please, please fuck me” Louis kept stroking his cock looking at Harry’s sprawled out form. Then he slowly climbed into the bed. He couldn’t help himself; Harry looked too pretty like this, sprawled on their bed, open with a dildo fucking him. His hair was sprawled around his head, there were tear tracks across his cheeks and his hands were clenching at the restrains.  
He slowly started kissing Harry’s jawline and moved to his neck. He bit hard into Harry’s collarbone. Harry moaned loudly at that. Louis had always been slightly possessive and liked to claim ownership, especially of someone as good as Harry. He moved to Harry’s nipples, knowing that the boy was extremely sensitive there. He sucked one of the nubs while toying with the other using his thumb and index. Sometimes he brushed his pinky over the nipple right below. Harry was now panting and his hips were bucking as much as they could with the restrains. Louis bit onto his nipple hard and squeezed the other one at the same time. “Daddy” Harry moaned. Louis was now leaving feather light kisses down Harry’s happy trail and hipbone. “Daddy” Harry panted. Louis ignored him and continued kissing Harry on the inner side of his thigh purposely avoiding his crotch. He bit into the soft skin there. “Daddy please …” Harry sobbed. Louis finally looked up; Harry was a sight to marvel. His collar bones were red where Louis had done his impressive artwork, eyes squeezed shut and knuckles white around his restraints. “Need something, love?” Louis cooed, as if he didn’t know exactly what Harry needed. Harry nodded shakily and said “touch me” “daddy is touching you baby” Harry whined high in his throat in frustration. “Use your words Hazza” “Touch me….touch my dick daddy” he said. “All you had to do was ask, love” Louis said with a triumphant smile and then without needing to be told twice Louis started licking Harry’s dick.  
Louis knew how to bring off his baby boy, so he did exactly that. He swirled his tongue at the head and licked the underside while taking out obscene noises. Then he took Harry in his mouth in one go, Harry was huge, slightly bigger than Louis in length but Louis more than made up for it in girth. Louis started bobbing his head up and down and kept a firm hand on Harry’s hip to prevent it from bucking. Harry was letting out tiny whimpers of pleasure. “Daddy fuck me, please fuck me”. Louis let go of Harry’s dick with an obscene pop and nuzzled into his inner thigh. Then with sudden movement he removed the dildo in one go. Harry’s eyes rolled back in pleasure and a small “unh” escaped from his lips. Louis put his fingers into Harry’s now empty hole even though he knows it’s unnecessary. “So good for me Hazza, being such a good boy for Daddy” he said as his fingers kept prodding into Harry’s hole, always avoiding his prostate. “Daddy!! Daddy fuck me!” “Baby” Louis said warningly and pressed a finger to his bundle of nerves. Harry whimpered “please daddy, please, I need you”, he looked Louis in the eye as he said the last part. Louis straddled Harry’s waist and aligned himself, Harry needing him so desperately, was something that never failed to turn Louis on.  
He bottomed out in one go and pushed his face into the crook of Harry’s neck. He stayed still for a few minutes, but then Harry started bucking up lightly “daddy…” Louis took his cue and started thrusting into Harry lightly” so pretty, Hazza. So pretty and filthy for daddy, darling. Look at you such a slut for daddy’s cock.” Harry whimpered and then gasped as Louis found his prostate. “Daddy, wreck me” Harry said, softly looking Louis in the eye. Louis’ breath hitched. He slowly got Harry to release his grip on the restraints and entwined their fingers, all the while hitting Harry’s nub continuously. Early in their sex life, they had realized that Harry could never each his peak without holding Louis’ hands, it was like a constant assurity that Harry needed even in his throws of pleasure, that he had Louis right there with him. Once settled over Harry with their hands entwined Louis started thrusting with reckless abandon. Harry was continuously clenching around him. Louis knew that Harry had been on the brink of pleasure for too long and could feel the pleasure pool at the bottom of his own spine. “Harry, baby daddy is going to cum, cum with him, be a good boy, ok?” Harry nodded shakily. Louis separated one of his hands to remove the cock ring and Harry whined at the sudden loss. With fumbling fingers, because it was tough to remove a cock ring when you’re wrecking your boyfriends’ ass, Louis finally got it off. He threw it blindly off the bed, caught Harry’s mouth in a frantic kiss while holding his hand and let blind pleasure take over both of them. Harry bit into Louis’ lip while Louis was panting above him, Harry’s body kept shaking with pleasure and he came down from his high a little after Louis.  
Once their bodies relaxed Louis undid the restraints and Harry immediately cuddled into him. He stroked Harry’s hair lightly while Harry kept nuzzling into his neck. Then Harry slightly bit into his ear lobe “happy birthday oldie”, he said. “Hey! Watch it; you are stuck with this oldie”. “I like being stuck with him, want him to keep me around forever”. Louis turned to face Harry and then kissed his nose “I don’t plan on letting go ever, I love you Hazza” he said. Harry giggled slightly and said “I love you too, boobear”. “Till kingdom come?” “Till kingdom come.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uggggh, this is my first time writing smut, so it can be bad, please be kind to me, also comments and suggestions or feed backs are always appreciated. Please leave a kudos if you liked it.  
> Things I learned from this chapter:  
> 1\. Writing smut is tough  
> 2\. idk if I'm a good smut writer, cause two days ago I thought I can do it easily, but now I'm not so sure  
> 3\. Jfc my longest chapter yet, and its smut, what does this say about me? I need Jesus.  
> Ok, tomorrow Zayn'll be here (hopefully)


	6. I’m In Crazy Stupid love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so we are at the party. Its just Nosh meeting, hope its good. Also I have decided to make the updates once a week cause I'm lagging on my school work, so yeah but now the chapters will be like realllly long maybe 5k words or something. okay, now enjoy

Josh slipped in through the gates and immediately looked for the faces he was most familiar with. He found them, a group of three huddled under an obnoxiously painted banner reading: Happy Birthday Boobear. On his way towards them he was greeted by several of the staff members, some of whom already looked tipsy. In all his short years as a Principal, Josh had always treated his staff with immense respect and was more of a friend and a good listening ear to all of them than a boss. He liked to keep the work atmosphere light and friendly, after all it was just a primary school. Josh had started there as a math teacher when he was 18, at that point he was trying to attend night classes for business study at uni, but 2 years into the whole hectic schedule and Josh realized, that no matter how much he loved business he was meant to be a teacher, the job satisfaction was too much to leave. Obviously there were bad days but the good days always outnumbered, and so he dropped college and took the permanent profession of being a teacher. A year later he had met Louis, now a drama teacher and football coach in the summer and Liam, his geography teacher. They had come in the same year as he had made his mind to professionally be a teacher. Becoming a Principal this young was not his plan but he had quickly acquainted himself with the system and used to work day and night, back when he was a teacher, not cause he didn’t have a life, but because at the end of the day, in a world like his most people wanted to go home and snuggle to their soulmates and as he didn’t have one he decided to snuggle to his work. Obviously this made him look like a hard worker and the month the ex-Principal resigned, he called Josh and offered him the post. So here he was now, at 25, with a great paying job, big home and good car.  
“Boobear? Seriously?” he asked as he reached Louis, Harry and Liam. “Josh!!!! My sib from another crib!!!” yelled Louis and wrapped himself around Josh. Josh knew that Louis was slightly drunk, “So how’s being 24 been so far, boobear?” he teased. Louis let go of him with a devilish smirk and Liam groaned, Josh looked towards him as to see what’s wrong but he had his palm covering his face and he was waving an arm towards Harry. Josh turned to look too and started giggling like crazy, because there on Harry’s neckline and all over his collarbones were tiny marks which he hadn’t bothered covering up and was wearing a silk T-shirt with the top two buttons open, although his cheeks were now slightly red. Though Josh couldn’t see them he knew the marks would be red “way to go Tommo” said Josh, now snickering, “isn’t he just a work of art?” said Louis licking his lips and then prowled to Harry and started snogging his face off while Harry grabbed his ass to align their bodies, Josh wolf whistled but neither one seemed to notice, too lost in their own little world. Liam and Josh looked at each other; sighed softly and walked away in opposite directions knowing that there was no way they were getting any attention from those two for at least the next hour.  
Josh wandered around for a bit, but right now he was stood in front of the fence with a bottle of beer in hand, alone. Obviously alone, it wasn’t that he wasn’t happy for all the people who had found their soulmates, because he was. He never thought of himself as a man who was jealous but a man longed to be loved. He looked around and saw couples lurking and mingling with each other in every corner, this wasn’t an uncommon scene for Josh. By the time people reach late puberty there was hardly anyone who didn’t get there soulmate. Initially, Josh used to think it was because he looked well… the way that he looked but then he reasoned that soulmates didn’t have much to do with looks. It had to do with the soul, so why in the face of six billion people could Josh not find himself one person? Usually he was an optimistic man, sure he got his fair share of piteous looks from people when they realized he hadn’t seen the colors of the world just yet but if anybody asked if he was concerned he’d just say, “My princess is out there, and I’m sure that they’ll be worth the wait.” But today was just one of those days, days when all he wanted was someone to cuddle with, somebody he could take care of, a person who’d be waiting for him at the end of a long torturous day filled with curious kids to hold him and tell him about their own day. He stood there thinking of his parents, they met when they were four, hadn’t spent a day away from each other after that. Till date when he went back to his hometown he saw his parents, the way they looked at each other like there was nothing else, how all else would fade for them in each other’s company. He knew only one more person who had met their soulmate younger than four- at three- Liam and Danielle. It was tough to remain optimistic when all the people you knew were moving in with soulmates, getting married or some even having babies while you hadn’t even found yours.  
‘Enough of that self-pity’ Josh thought as he looked up at the little twinkie lights that had been put all over the yard, it was a truly pretty sight. He sighed, pushed himself off the fence and thought of finding Zayn, the one other person he knew who hadn’t found his soulmate yet and was just as eager, ready and optimistic to wait for his soulmate. He smiled at the thought of Zayn and how fondly he had smiled with his tongue hidden behind his teeth and eyes crinkled up the one time that they had talked about soulmates over a cup of tea at Josh’s place. Zayn truly did deserve somebody who’d love him utterly and knew what he had in the form of Zayn. He turned around hoping to go and seek out Zayn when he heard it, the loudest laugh he had heard ever, and this included Louis’ fake laughing. He turned around to see a…man? Boy? He was one of those people who you could never be definite with about age, also because his back was slightly turned Josh couldn’t make out much of his face. “Told you I’d drink you under the table Hemmings” said the man with a thick Irish accent, “now I’d like my 20 quid’s please”. The other man, Hemmings turned to the well-built boy, probably his soulmate, looked like his soulmate the way his hands were slightly rubbing Hemmings back, who then said “baby lend me a 20 and I swear I’ll owe you a blow job and I’ll maybe even give it to you on the ride back home” he said with a cheeky grin. So definitely his soulmate.  
The well-built man sputtered slightly, while the man with the thick Irish accent once again laughed loudly making his whole body shake. Hemmings soulmate gave the Irish lad 20 quid’s and then turned to his soulmate with a cocky grin, whispered something in his ear, Josh saw that Hemmings cheeks were now slightly grey, probably blushing and he nodded, turned and started walking but it looked more like stumbling, Josh wasn’t sure if Hemmings was excited, drunk or if he was plain hard at this point. The well-built boy turned around and grinned at the Irish lad “see you later Niallator” he said and started walking away as Niallator? That’s what Josh had heard the buff dude call him, said “use protection”. 

If you asked Josh he couldn’t quite explain why he started moving towards the tiny set up bar where Niallator was sitting. He was probably a little drunk; cause Josh with all his other great qualities aside was extremely shy. He never went out of his way to make new friends and was slightly awkward with new people, which was why he and Zayn worked so well, both of them were slightly awkward around people. But this boy, Niallator seemed to pull at his cords, so he went with instincts. When he reached the bar the lad was drinking another beer but his back was to Josh. “Proper Irish man you are, aren’t you?” said Josh his head cocking to one side. The Irish lad turned huge smile that nearly engulfed his whole face in place. All of a sudden Josh couldn’t breathe, cause no, as pretty as the boys smile was, it was his eyes Josh was lost in. he didn’t know much about eyes and their colors or colors in general but he knew one thing in that moment, something he’ll never forget for the rest of his life, Niallator with his big smile and odd name had the most beautiful eyes possessed by mankind. It was bluish grey with specks of green. The man laughed again, but this time it sounded more like a giggle “baby, you make my world colorful” Josh felt himself blush slightly “like quite literally” Niallator continued. ”Josh…Josh Devine” Josh huffed out suddenly feeling warm cause this man in front of him, his soulmate was cute and suddenly Josh realized he didn’t look much in comparison to Niallator. “Oh baby, you definitely are divine” said Niall with a smirk, head cocked to one side as though he was trying to figure Josh out. Josh looked at his feet, cause he was sure his face was red as a tomato and then eventually mumbled while still looking at his feet shuffling awkwardly “and you are?” although he knew, it was Niallator but he didn’t want to come off as creepy to this beautiful boy. “Yours” said Niallator softly, at that Josh sharply looked up, his eyes wide like he couldn’t believe his ears “but I also go by Niall” he said smiling softly. “Thank god it isn’t Niallator, bit of an odd name don’t you think?” Josh said without thinking and then smacked his palm to his mouth as though he couldn’t believe he’d just told Niall he was eavesdropping on his conversation, but Niall was back to laughing loudly, his head thrown back, his neck pale and unblemished. His frame was slight, hair blonde and he looked an awful lot like one of those innocent boys at school who Josh had wanted to fuck into oblivion. Josh groaned as he checked Niall out, because he was just so perfect.  
Niall stopped laughing and said “want to take me to bed or something?” as he licked his lower lip slightly. Josh wanted to say something on the lines of ‘why bed when my lavish car is right outside and it has a fucking great backseat, also great for fucking’ but he didn’t, cause suddenly he wasn’t all that confident, Niall was beautiful in a manner not many could pull off, he was cute and goofy but also innocent and pretty and all of a sudden Josh felt incompetent. Josh instead said “I’d rather we first get to know each other go out on a date”. “And then bow chik a wow wow?” said Niall wagging his eyebrows. Josh laughed a little at that “Maybe, you know, if you really work for it” he said. Niall smiled at that and then said “So Mr. Devine join me for drinks, maybe?” as he leaned back on his elbows against the bar, suddenly there was a noise of glass shattering. Niall turned and Josh peaked over his shoulder to see that, Niall had tipped the beer bottle that was behind him and now the whole table and a bit of Niall’s shirt had beer. Niall turned to him, his hand coming up to his blonde hair and running through it abashedly, he smiled sheepish and said “way to make a first impression on you, god you make me nervous, can we just ignored that I made a total fool of myself trying to impress ya’?” and at that Josh started laughing, loud and earnest and his stomach felt slightly warm at the thought of him making Niall nervous

 

Liam was pissed; there was nothing else to it. He thought he’d come here for an hour to keep Louis from dragging him across the street but it had been almost two hours and as much as he hated to admit it, there was one more reason Liam had come to this party and that wish of his had not been fulfilled yet, him. The man that Liam had heard about constantly for hours about no matter where he went, in the common room, teachers were talking about him and his devilish good looks, in classes that he taught the students seemed to love him, while travelling Louis wouldn’t stop on his rant about him and his great ideas and at home, where Liam thought he might get some peace, Harry or Josh would stop by and tell him about how perfect they were for each other. All this talk and he was a no show, at school Liam hadn’t seen him ever cause he was too busy preparing his own kids for state championships coming up in a few weeks and whenever he was free the other man seemed to be busy. Liam never asked anybody much about him, don’t need to when everyone gives you so much information on him, but Louis had smirked when earlier this week he had caught Liam frantically walking down the school corridor and when asked who he was searching for Liam had said his name without thinking. The thing was even after all this, after never seeing him once in school Liam was sure he’d at least meet him today, but now he’d slowly started thinking maybe, just maybe everyone was fooling with him, maybe this boy didn’t exist, maybe everyone was taking the piss and Liam was the target cause he had left them with the horrible substitute. Probably the boy was a myth cause for somebody who was taken to be so great, he hadn’t seen him once in the last two weeks. And for all the patience that Liam had he was tired and frantic, he wanted to meet the boy, he wanted to meet Zayn Malik.  
“You look as pissed as I feel”, said an accented voice breaking Liam out of his reverie. Liam turned his head slightly and could see jeans clad legs and a pair of sneakers walking towards where he was sat on the edge of the patio. He turned his head and kept looking at the party that was in full swing in front of him. The boy, Liam had no idea who he was sat next to him, both of them looking at the party in front of them. “Not much of a party person, huh?” said Liam. “Nah, I’m shit at partying, never know what to do with myself, only came here cause Lou is a great mate” said the boy and Liam realized that he had turned to look at Liam. Liam turned around too, and said looking into the boy’s Hazel eyes “same”. They are a very pretty pair of eyes, Liam thought belatedly. He took in the boys sharp cheekbones, olive skin and big eyelashes. As he looked down slightly Liam huffed a laugh “seriously, champagne pink?” Liam said looking at the boy’s shirt. The boy looked down and his nose scrunched up in confusion as he said “looks just pink to me, mate”. And then Liam gasped slightly at the same time as the boy looked up at him, eyes wide in realization. His face slowly morphed into a full on smile with his tongue pressed to his teeth, Liam looked at him still horrified, this couldn’t be happening to him, not at all. The boy looked at him smile wide, eyes scrunched up slightly and looking hopefully at him as he said “Hi, I’m Zayn Malik.” Liam did the first thing that came to his head, he stood from the patio and stalked off, never once looking back to see the heartbroken face of Zayn, somebody who is meant to be his soulmate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yayyyy Zayn's here but awwwww he's heartbroken, stupid Liam being a meanie, but he'll come around....slowly......also once again a reminder this will now be updated weekly. Kudos, comments and feed backs are always appreciated.


	7. I Don’t Want To Run, Just Overwhelm Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yayeee this weeks update is here.  
> Okay, so as we go on I'll tell you'll a bit more about the AU.  
> so here are some imp things i think people ought to know about:  
> 1\. Soulmates, once they look into each others eyes, is like they have now made the unbreakable vow (you know what I,m saying if you have read or seen Harry Potter, if not please feel free to inbox, I'll be happy to help)  
> 2\. A soul , once it finds it's other half it craves it- physically and emotionally. You cant keep soulmates apart as it's mortal peril to the human who possesses that soul  
> 3\. Soulmates have their souls bound together, so they share almost about everything, pain, happiness, anxiety etc.  
> 4\. Souls have a concept of ownership where in they think the other soul is theirs-to keep, protect and cherish. This is just a need and can't be subsided, it's like breathing, it comes naturally, effortlessly and is compulsory  
> Okay now go ahead and enjoy:.

The party had ended half an hour ago, all the people had left, except Josh. So now there they were, Josh and Louis sitting on the kitchen table while Harry fixed them some tea. “I swear to god, it’s not fair, like how am I even supposed to breathe around him if he keeps looking so cute?” Josh whined, Louis snickered while Harry reassured him, “trust me, Josh, Niall is a great guy, you know I was concerned as to you wouldn’t find someone who’s good enough for you, as a soulmate, but Niall” he chuckled fondly, “he really is the best. He’s a riot, don’t know why I never thought of introducing you’ll earlier”. Josh pouted “see, you say he’s the best but you never introduced us before, even though he works with you, clearly I’m inept.” Louis smacked Josh on his head “Devine you seriously are divine, when you going to get that?” Louis said as Harry leaned against the counter. Josh blushed and mumbled “that’s what he said…like literally”. “Awwwwwww, Hazza look our baby is in love” cooed Louis, Harry snickered and started pouring tea into the cups. 

 

“You know…” but Louis was cut off when a body slammed into the door jamb of the kitchen. “Mate, you okay?” Louis asked getting up to see if the person, who could now clearly be seen as Zayn, was ok. His hair were no longer in a quiff but were all over his forehead, his eyes and nose were red like he had cried for hours and his clothes were dishevelled. Before Louis could even get up properly he had a lap full of the gangly boy, straddling him and holding on as though his life depended on it. “Zayn?” Harry asked softly from the counter “love, is something the matter?” Zayn sobbed hard into Louis’ shoulder at that, Louis who had got over the initial shock was stroking Zayn’s back and playing with his hair to calm him down. Josh walked over and put a hand on Zayn’s shoulder while Harry came to stand by them. “Zayn?” asked Louis softly, at that Zayn moved away from him slightly and while he was still straddling Louis his face was now visible. Zayn looked Louis in the eye and said “it looks like a cloudless summer morning sky” Louis and Josh just stared at Zayn like he had lost his mind, no idea what he was talking about but Harry, who had spent endless evenings staring into those very eyes, gasped and said, “Who was it, love?” At that Zayn turned to Harry, still using Louis as a seat and made grabby hands at him, Harry immediately complied and Zayn now held on to Harry and sobbed into his shirt, Harry ran his hands through Zayn’s hair who kept mumbling “I don’t know, he didn’t say anything, I swear Harry I didn’t do anything, I don’t know what I did to make him hate me Harry, I swear I don’t know” that’s when Josh and Louis caught on to what was happening. “I know, I know love, I know you did nothing, nothing’s wrong with you” cooed Harry as he tried to calm Zayn down while still running his hands through Zayn’s hair, who was steadily wetting Harry’s shirt but nobody was bothered by that.

 

After 15 minutes of all of them cuddling Zayn, he finally calmed down and was now seated on the table with Louis and Josh on either side and Harry handing all of them their cups of tea. They all sat down silently, nobody daring to say anything in case Zayn feels like opening up to them, they didn’t want him scared. “I don’t know who he was” Zayn mumbled finally “like no idea, just know that he was beautiful and that my soul craves him, which is sort of the point, but he didn’t even want me” Zayn dry heaved at that’ “didn’t even look at me, just walked away; guess I wasn’t his type, odd isn’t it? How everyone told me that my soulmate would be so happy because he got me and well… look at him, he doesn’t even want me.” Zayn dry heaved again, “there has to be something wrong,” said Harry “you know that, I know that, everyone in the fucking world knows that. Whether or not you’re his type is not the point, soulmates crave each other, the soul craves its partner, everyone knows that. And let’s be real soulmates or no soulmates, even in a parallel universe where probably they don’t have such a staunch concept of soulmates, you are probably a complete popstar who is all mysterious and beautiful and everyone’s wet dream. Love, there’s no one in any universe who can say Zayn Javvad Malik is not there type.” Zayn smiled weakly at that. “Harry’s right you know’” said Josh “ not just about the type thing, which you obviously are, but also that once soulmates meet it’s like a binding contract, they are forever each other’s, till death do them part.” “But Jay got separated from your dad right?” Zayn said looking at Louis. 

“Those are toxic relationships Zaynie, one’s that are so complicated that the souls start detaching from each other, where a part of the soul falls more in love with something, or in mum’s case someone else, that’s me here, than their other half.” Louis said he looked slightly wistful at the mention of his mum; he had lost her a few years back under grave and unknown circumstances. Louis had gone into depression for about a year, where he dropped out of uni and smoked his days and drank through his nights, it had affected his and Harry’s relationship too, but Harry had held Louis and kept him safe if not sound, even in the worst of times. Louis couldn’t forget the trauma he’d put Harry through in that year, but Harry had said he forgave Louis cause he knew that he was struggling and never meant to harm Harry. Louis was still in aww of Harry’s kindness and ease to forgive, even after all that he’d seen in Louis. “And then again, my mum kept in contact with that bastard. He was a complete tosser, always hit me and that’s what got mum to leave him, said she couldn’t watch me in pain, but even after all that mum could never really let him go” Louis continued “and when she did finally give up on him, look what happened”. An eerie silence fell over, no one mentions much of Jay anymore, they know how much it riles up Louis, for his part Louis tried to ignore the topic whenever possible if not he’d shut himself down so he wouldn’t feel the pain of losing not only his mum, but also his best friend of 19 years all over again. Today though, this evening, 5 years and two weeks after his mum’s death, Louis had bought up the topic himself, and not cause he wanted to get riled up or have a discussion on it, no, that wasn’t the reason. It was because all of a sudden he was irrationally angry; he couldn’t believe someone had rejected Zayn, his best friend now, after Harry. His partner in crime, the one person in the world who deserved nothing short of the best, Zayn, who had stayed up several nights: with Louis talking about Doncaster, his siblings, his mum, Harry, love and life in general. Zayn, who would tell Louis how he had craved a soulmate since a young age and the kind of dangerous relationships he had entered just to fill in the emptiness in the need of love. No, Louis decided, Zayn needed…no, not needed he deserved better than some asshole that walked away from him. Sure, he had known Zayn only a few months, not even a year but if Harry was his soulmate in all aspects of life, Louis had also found a platonic soulmate in Zayn immediately. 

 

The silence was broken by Harry “you know, if he was at the party we ought to know him”. “Precisely my thought” said Josh “I mean at least one of them will know who you met”. Zayn tried to protest and say that he couldn’t again be rejected but was cut short by Louis “you know they are right, don’t you? You can’t stay away from a soulmate. The risks are too high. And if we know him we can see what went wrong, talk to him maybe”, or punch him Louis thought but he didn’t add that. “No, no really you didn’t see him; the dude was horrified by me, like I had some sort of deadly disease that he could get, if he came too close to me. I don’t know if I could see that look again without wanting to die” Zayn said. But after pestering him long and hard enough, with Josh giving him a back rub while Louis played a game of fifa with him and Harry in the meantime pestered him some more, Zayn finally gave in. He agreed to talk about the asshole soulmate. 

 

“Well, I mean he had brown eyes, like mocha” Zayn said shyly, even after being rejected for some reason Zayn couldn’t help but find the man pretty “and they were sad, so very sad.” “Way to go mate, just have to knock every third door, because almost everyone in the party had brown eyes” huffed Louis, he couldn’t believe Zayn wanted to sympathize with some asshole, who had clearly left him feeling dejected but he shut up when Harry gave him a sharp look. Zayn continued, ignoring Louis’ outburst, he was used to it by now “he had pouty lips, and a strong jaw, shorn hair and slight stubble and...” “He was wearing a cream sweater with work pants” Josh gasped, completing Zayn’s sentence in the process. Zayn looked at him oddly for a minute and then said, “Yea, how’d you know that?” Now, Harry and Louis were looking at him curiously too and Josh couldn’t believe that they hadn’t caught on, hadn’t he been standing there with them all the while, they had to have noticed what he was wearing, but then Josh realized that while he had noticed cause it was second nature to him Louis and Harry weren’t the most observant people. Josh had often thanked the entire universe for making it so easy to know when your soulmates walked into your life; otherwise he was sure these too oblivious gits would just pine on each other, never realizing that the other was pining just as hard. Josh had seen the man rush out of the party when he was talking to Niall at the bar, had wanted to go up to him to ask if all was fine but he had been too fast in his movements for Josh, so he had let it slip, thinking he’ll ask him later. He mumbled something incoherent under his breath, “what?” asked Louis, slightly annoyed that Josh knew who Zayn’s stupid soulmate was and he wasn’t sharing it fast enough. “Liam” he said but this time louder. “What has Liam got to do with….” But he trailed off as Harry’s head thudded against the table and Zayn threw his head back groaning, because all of a sudden he remembered that it was indeed Liam Payne, who had been wearing cream sweater and work pants that evening. Louis thought he was going to throw up.

 

After two cups of tea, a sandwich, multiple protests and finally Louis screaming at everyone in frustration Josh and Zayn were tucked into a couch and mattress respectively in Harry and Louis’ living room. Josh had said that he could drive back home and Zayn was insistent that he live just around the corner could easily walk back but Harry and Louis were persistent, Josh mumbled something about not wanting to impose while Zayn said that Louis should enjoy the private party that Harry surely wanted to give him for his birthday, at that Louis lost his patience and snapped saying “if you think me and Harold are some kind of sex maniacs who’ll ask you’ll to leave after having one hell of a long and pathetic evening, just for sex, you’ll clearly ought to meet us more often, which isn’t even possible cause you’ll dump yourselves here all the time, but today when you’ll need the night in you’ll won’t take it.” At that all protests were cut short, Zayn looked slightly scared and maybe he had taken it too far with the sex thing seeing clearly Louis was only being the great mate Zayn knew him to be. Josh looked at them tiredly then shucked his jeans and T shirt off, now only clad in boxers and took the mattress without any more protests. Louis had walked out after he was sure that no one was going anywhere, Zayn sat on the couch still guilty for thinking that Louis would give more priority to sex when clearly Zayn had his heartbroken. It wasn’t Zayn’s fault really, he hadn’t ever found friends like this until recently, he was used to feeling like an extra, like a burden, he always felt as though he was imposing. Harry look slightly put out, Zayn couldn’t point out if it was because of what Zayn had said or because of Louis’ outburst. He walked up to Zayn who was still on the couch biting his lips in guilt. Harry slowly helped Zayn out of his T shirt and laid him down on the couch, silently covering him with a blanket, when Harry bent over so he was on eye level with Zayn, he could see Zayn had teared up a little and his forehead was furrowed. Harry stroked a calming hand over it and the lines immediately eased out, “I’m sorry”, Zayn mumbled, Harry gave him a soft smile and kissed his forehead, “nothing to be sorry about love” he replied. He got up and started making his way to the kitchen where he was sure Louis was eating the left over cake, or most likely stabbing it with his spoon on his plate. There was a slight tug on his jeans, he looked down to see Josh looking at him eyes wide in the now dark room, the sliver of moonlight peeking out from between the curtains lit half his face, “where is my goodnight kiss Haz?” he asked, a slightly put upon pout on his lips. Harry bent over quickly, ran a calming hand through Josh’s hair and gave him a peck on the forehead too, “goodnight Josh” Harry said, then added as an afterthought “dream about the fantastic sex with Niall, but don’t moan too loud, it might wake us up”. Josh gasped but Harry just smirked and got off the floor to make his way to his soulmate.

 

As predicted, there Louis was, stabbing the cake, but it wasn’t just a piece, no, Louis had brought out the whole cake, no doubt with the intention to eat it, but was now just making a complete mess of it. Harry came up behind him and put his arms around Louis’ waist, peppering kisses on his neck. Louis’ immediately relaxed. “They settled in?” Louis asked, Harry nodded into his neck, both of them just standing like that for a bit. “I was scared you know” Harry said “when you…” he trailed off not having to finish the sentence as Louis’ tensed up in his arms “I was pissed, at Liam, I swear, that’s it. Nothing more, I’m fine. Wouldn’t … wouldn’t do anything to you… to anyone Harold”. Harry rubbed soothing circles into Louis’ waist, “I wasn’t scared of you, I was scared for you” he said “I know you wouldn’t harm anyone, not intentionally.” “You’re too kind Haz, too blinded by your love for me, if we weren’t soulmates you’d never even look at me, would want nothing to do with me; I’d be the boy who you hated with burning passion because I am everything you don’t stand for. Brash, loud, unkind…violent” Louis added the last one timidly. Harry turned him around so that now Louis was looking directly at him, he stared into Louis’ eyes, “Louis Tomlinson”, Harry started, “in this and in every other universe, I’m yours, you have bewitched me body, mind and soul. In every universe we belong together- if you’re the bad boy I’m the nerd, if you’re an abductor I will be the one with Stockholm syndrome and if in some absurd universe we are in a world famous boyband, then I am your secret lover, and our shenanigans behind closed doors would be just as famous as us but in no universe do I believe we didn’t make it. You Lou are my sunshine, you make me a better person, you stand for everything I ever wanted in a man- you are brave, kind, fiercely loyal, funny, breathtakingly beautiful but most of all you make me be certain of one thing-that when it all goes wrong, I just need to hold on, cause baby no matter what you always come back to save me, we always find our way back home. Louis you are home.” Louis had teared up a bit, for all his brashness he had never really been able to get over what had gone down between him and Harry, always, even before his mum passed away Louis felt he wasn’t enough for the greatness, that was Harry Styles. “Aren’t going to propose now, are you?” Harry snorted’ “I really do love you Haz” Louis said while hiding his face into the crook of Harry’s neck. “Good, cause I love you too ,boobear” Harry said as he inhaled Louis’ scent, his lips pressed to Louis’ hair who was fit under his chin now, “ also I have a thing for eyes blue as the sky”. At that he felt Louis shake against him with silent laughter, Harry sighed contently and kept his chin on Louis’ head, happy to make him smile even if just for a bit.

 

Zayn was lost deep in thought as he lay on the couch. Obviously he’d heard about Liam Payne, the man who just lost his soulmate: their endless love, his devotion to her, how they had surpassed several obstacles, they were a power couple, his brown sad eyes, broad shoulders…stop Malik, Zayn thought to himself. He couldn’t help but get troubled by the thought that he may never actually get Liam. At that, he felt his heart pound loudly once, Liam was a taken man, sure his soulmate was dead but that didn’t mean he’d get over her. Zayn lay there and thought about the first time he had grasped the concept of a soulmate, he was five:

 

“What’s a soulmate?” Zayn asked  
“It's a… Well, it's like a best friend, but more. It's the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It's someone who makes you a better person” his mum had said, his dad had interjected saying “well, actually they don't make you a better person... you do that yourself-- because they inspire you. A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. It's the one person who knew you, and accepted you, and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens...you'll always love them” at the end of that his mum and dad were staring fondly at each other, his mum slightly teared up. Also, at that Zayn had decided that no matter what, he’d wait for his soulmate, get one, marry them and then they could make cookie forts and paint with fingers together, also they’d get a lot of puppies, because Zayn really liked them but mum wouldn’t let him have one just yet, his soulmate surely would.

 

Then Zayn had grown up, he’d seen how the world wasn’t all cookie forts and puppies, seen how sometimes the love for a soulmate could change into something fiercer, something that at times made them hurt each other. Even after all this Zayn hadn’t lost hope, he had seen Doniya, who hadn’t been able to go to uni cause of shortage of money, find herself Mark, a gem of a man who had treated Doniya with so much love and respect, somewhere deep within Zayn knew that as the years passed Mark and Doniya would be a couple almost comparable to his own parents. He’d then got a scholarship at a local college for a degree in English literature and gone with high hopes, not just for his education but also the thought that now he’d definitely find the half to his soul. He had come back home the next holiday, slightly disappointed but not miserable. That is until mid-way through his holidays Waliyah, who was younger than him announced how she too could see colors, all thanks to Blaise. Blaise was a nice guy, slightly off the track but never meaning harm. Something inside Zayn cracked at that point, it wasn’t as though he wasn’t happy for his sisters, because he was, but seriously, Waliyah was much younger than him and she too had found someone. So Zayn went back to college but this time he had lost hope, he did things he wasn’t very proud of, no one in his family really was. Zayn thought about the five year old Zayn, one so full of hope and love, over the last few months, now that he’s left uni, he has revived him, or at least a part of him and finally now that he is in a good place, relatively and found his soulmate, obviously his soulmate runs away from him, it’s just his luck. “You know he’ll come around, he has to” said Josh, cutting through his thoughts and the dark, “soulmates can’t be separated until by death, so by all sound logic, you are getting your man, he can’t stay without you.” “I don’t want him to be with me just because the other option is death, I want him to want me, like it is for the rest of the world, like it is for you and Niall” Zayn sighed. “Niall and I…” Zayn could hear the smile in Josh’s voice on the mention of Niall, he smiled a little himself, Josh deserved the happiness “Niall and I are not the point right now, you need to get that Liam is in a bad place, it’ll take him time, but he’ll come around, they always do in the end”. “Like I said I don’t want his pity I want his love, I deserve it too, he is after all my forever”, “sap”, “always” Zayn said grinning. Josh sighed and shifted slightly on the mattress “you and I both know he’s not going to be able to stay away for long, out of whatever silly reasoning, when he comes around”, “if he comes around” Zayn interjected, “no, when, because we both know that it isn’t possible to stay away, so when he comes around, be patient with him and kind, I know that you won’t be any other way, but still thought I should reinforce it, he’s a bit broken, both of you’ll are really.” “Josh Devine, Niall whatsoever his last name is, is a very lucky man, cause he has found himself an eighty year, in the body of a hot 25 year old” Josh snorted at that, then yawned slightly “goodnight Josh” “goodnight Zayn” Josh turned over and after a long period of shuffling his breath evened out. Zayn lay there tossing and turning for what seemed like hours, his insides restless, as though his whole body knew that their soulmate had just walked away, which they probably did.

 

Liam was on his bed, his eyes on the picture of Danielle as he switched on and switched off the bedside lamp. He was humming something under his breath, something that sounded like ‘you are my sunshine’. “I don’t think I can let go Dani, I know I promised to you that I would, but I don’t think I can” Liam said. He had wanted to go back to Zayn the minute he had stalked off, no correct that, his body and soul had wanted to go to Zayn, not him, he was and would always be Danielle’s, if only somehow he could get his body to listen to him, but no, that wasn’t happening. Liam thought that Zayn looked normal, he didn’t see what all the fuss was about, he didn’t care how much his body craved Zayn even though he had only seen him for a few seconds, the truth was that everyone lied and Zayn Malik wasn’t all that great after all Liam Payne decided. He switched off the light one final time and turned to sleep when all of a sudden he felt extremely nauseous, Liam shifted around a bit hoping that the nausea would subside, it didn’t. He got up and ran to the washroom to empty the contents of his stomach in one go. “Ugggh, shouldn’t have drank that much” Liam said to himself, until he realized he hadn’t actually had that much to drink, in fact just a single pint, as he started to get up from his bathroom floor, his stomach gave another lurch and he dropped to his knees, vomiting whatever was left. As if that wasn’t enough, his body kept dry heaving several minutes after his stomach had been emptied. He slowly crawled to his sink and clinging on to the sides helped himself up, his face, as he looked in the mirror seemed pale and grim. Liam slowly brushed to remove the offending tang from his mouth. As he brushed, somewhere he knew what was happening to his body, it knew that his mate was out there all alone, knew that Liam had rejected him inhospitably and it was inflicting this pain in a form of payback for hurting their soulmate, but he refused to acknowledge the severity of the situation, no, he had Dani and that’s that. Liam Payne is nothing if not stubborn, something which annoyed Dani to no ends, but well she couldn’t ever do anything but bear with it. Liam looked at himself in the mirror and said “listen up Payne, you don’t need no Zayn. You are fine, stupid of you to drink at all. This is all cause of the drinking, that’s it”, as if to show how equivalently stubborn Liam’s soul was, suddenly his stomach started aching as though someone had punched it from the inside, he caught his sides as he slightly bend over “I’m fine, everything is ok, I‘ll get through this” Liam muttered as he made his way to his bed, knowing perfectly well that his body won’t let him sleep tonight or for a very long list of nights. As Liam lay in the dark he spoke softly to Danielle’s frame “I’m fine”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's that, serves Liam right for acting stupid, but wait till both of them start facing the repercussions to Liam's stupidity. This isn't beta'd but hopefully it's not too bad. morgan96 told me that there were no proper paragraph separations in the last chapters, so I've made them more clear for this chapter, hopefully it'll work. Anyway leave a kudos, comment or feedback cause they are always appreciated :)


	8. Does The Pain Weigh Out Your Pride?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter had to be longer but then I was like nah because let's be real- I was extremely lazy the last whole week so please forgive me if it's not as great...but next chapter maybe I'll give you'll more Ziam friendship? idk, lets see

Liam was waiting on his driveway, Louis was usually never late but today he was taking inhuman amount of time to come up to his house. The weekend had been absolute torture for Liam, his body was in constant pain, he couldn’t eat without throwing up, his body refused to let him sleep and the one time that he had tried to distract himself by wanking- oh let’s not even go there, now that Liam thinks about it he has no idea what made him thinking wanking in such a situation would be a good distraction. Save to say, he hadn’t got off, all he could imagine was hazel eyes and that tongue…that tongue, that had peeked from behind the smile on Friday, it was licking his dick and with that Liam had given up in frustration cause no, no matter what his body wanted he couldn’t shame Danielle’s memory like that. As he was lost in his thoughts Louis’ car pulled up in front of his house, finally he could now tell him all about how his weekend had been an absolute disaster, maybe he could even help Liam get his pathetic life back in place.

 

Oh, oh of course Liam thought as he saw a black mop of hair sitting on Louis’ passenger seat, obviously Mr. No Show Malik would be here, obviously, Louis’ platonic best mate, obviously he was here now and he must have told Louis everything already, how could Liam be dumb enough to believe that Zayn hadn’t replaced him in Louis’ life? “Coming?” Louis asked when Liam didn’t make a move towards the car, he cleared his throat slightly but not moving at all, after 2 minutes of complete stillness Zayn looked up, not at Liam, at Louis but Liam could see his face, it looked haggard as though Liam wasn’t the only one who had suffered through the weekend, which now that Liam thought was probably the case, his actions might have caused him harm but Zayn hadn’t been spared either, because that’s how soulmate bonds were. He felt slightly bad for the pain he had caused Zayn, but not enough to think that he could stand this friend stealer, Louis was his friend first not Zayn’s.

“Louis” Zayn’s voice was drained when he spoke, like he had already argued this situation out with Louis, “I can use the bus, I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable” oh my god, he really has some guts, making it seem as though it’s only me who’ll be uncomfortable Liam thought, “I’ll get down at the street end, that’s the closest bus stop” but Zayn said this looking at Liam, his eyes drained of all the joy that had been there at the party, his eyes had dark circles under them, Liam’s heart clenched at the site, so he instead turned his face slightly and shrugged nonchalantly. This wasn’t Liam’s usual behavior, but he only knew one thing, Zayn Malik was a friend snatching man who had by some sorcery, which was also probably done by him to instigate Liam further, forced Liam into being his soulmate.

 

“No, Zayn Liam will act maturely and sit in the car or he will take the bus himself” Louis said. Ah, obviously Zayn was his priority; Liam’s predicaments were of no concern to Louis anymore. Louis was looking at him with a raised eyebrow, as though challenging him to walk out on this situation and put his integrity at risk. After a few seconds of consideration Liam let himself in, “good choice, mate” said Louis from the front seat while Zayn just stared down at his hands. Liam could feel it, no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t ignore it. There right in front of him was his soulmate, sorcery or no sorcery, he was still Liam’s soulmate and Liam could feel just how flustered and conscious Zayn was in his presence, for some reason unknown (or not so unknown) to him he felt like wrapping up Zayn in his arms and stroking his hair till he calmed down, Liam resisted. The ride to the school was short but awkward, silent and filled with tension.

The minute Louis parked; Zayn jumped out of the car and mumbled something about needing to collect some sheets while he ran off. Liam waited patiently for Louis, he wanted to have this conversation, was almost inviting it. “So…” Liam said, but he didn’t expect what was coming next, Louis punched him across the face perfectly as Liam staggered back, Liam maybe powerful but he hadn’t expected that blow. “What the fuck, Louis?” Liam scream as he brought his hand to his lips, when he moved it away there was blood on it. “No, what the fuck, Liam?” Louis said as he jabbed his finger into Liam’s shoulder, who was still doubled over, “who the hell do you think you are treating Zayn like that? I would have let it go if it were just the party but no, even today in the morning you didn’t even make an effort to look at him let alone talk to him! You didn’t see him, he cried and cried for two days straight, wouldn’t eat, kept mumbling things about not being good enough! And you know why? You know why Liam Payne?” Liam now looked at Louis, slightly scared, when angry Louis was the scariest person that Liam knew. “Because Liam fucking asshole Payne, pain in the arse, rejected him. So excuse me Liam if I’m at the end of my patience and I’m sorry if I can’t sympathize with you, but here’s a thing mate, when you can finally look beyond the edge of your own nose and stop wallowing in self-pity, maybe just maybe you’ll realize, that this is Zayn’s first and probably only chance at love ever” Louis scream and started walking away.

Liam, who had by now on his feet, suddenly felt his frustration come out on his best friend “Really Louis? So much for ‘it’s Lilo till I die, mate’, some freak boy comes and I’m not around for 10 months, excuse me cause I was trying to, what was it you say? Yes, wallow in self-pity” Liam said making hand quotes “because my fucking soulmate died and you just walked over to support some weirdo over 6 years of friendship? Are you sure it’s just friendship? Maybe ickle boobear is tired of something, or maybe someone, should Harry be concerned about Zayn? But that’s okay, I’m sure he’s used to your whore ways after last time!” Liam shouted and for the first time in all his years on the planet, Liam sounded evil to himself, he wanted to apologize immediately but for the life of him, he couldn’t take back his words. Louis stood there shell shocked for a minute, while Liam was still panting heavily after shouting. “You know what Liam? Go fuck yourself, do that for me please, because nobody except that bitch who ended up being your soulmate would do it for you. You don’t deserve Zayn, he deserves better, you deserved Danielle, horrible bitch that she was, and Zayn is too good for you. Trust me Payne, hurt him and you’ll wish you never left your house after Danielle died” Louis sneered, that was the moment Liam realized he never wants to see that look on Louis Tomlinson’s face ever again. As Louis started to walk away Liam returned to his senses “Louis listen…mate….” Liam tried to call out “Louis I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. LOUIS!” but by then Louis had already walked into the school gates, leaving Liam standing there all alone.

 

The week after that was just pathetic: after his scuffle, he went to the teacher’s room to find-no Louis, but there was Zayn who saw his cut lip, frowned a little and then walked to the back of the room where they had a tiny attached pantry for personal use of teachers’, Liam sat down not bothering to look at the cause of his misery and instead pressing the balls of his palms into his eyes out of pure frustration. He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and when he looked up to see Zayn standing above him he immediately jerked away and stood up as though disgusted by the touch. Zayn rolled his eyes at Liam’s antics but there was slight hurt marring his expression too. Zayn put a firm hand on Liam’s shoulder and made him sit again, then bent over to eye level with Liam and examined his lips. Liam squirmed under his intense gaze and he could see the slight blush on Zayn’s cheeks, when Zayn kept staring at his lips for longer than appropriate Liam coughed slightly, breaking him out of his reverie. Zayn looked away, blushing at having been caught and brought his hand up, which Liam just noticed, was holding an ice pack. He applied it gently to Liam’s lips but Liam sneered at him, backing away, “don’t touch me” he said, Zayn looked heartbroken but that was just for a second and Liam put it off to his imagination. Zayn stood up and passed the ice pack to Liam in a way that it fell right over his crotch, oh fuck that was cold. Liam took it in his own hands and started dabbing it on his lips, Zayn then walked away from him, a look of nonchalance on his face.

By the end of Monday, Liam was a miserable sod-Louis wouldn’t even look at him, when he had gone to Josh to talk he had clearly declared he is Team Zayn and isn’t going to support Liam in anyway until he at least apologizes to Louis for his behavior. Liam had huffed and walked away from his office mumbling about Zayn being the dark cloud to his bright sunny day. No matter what Liam did, for the rest of the week it was like Zayn was always around him and Liam would sneer at him, send rude remarks towards him and once had gone to almost punch him but had been stopped by Josh remarking he should ‘pent out his sexual frustration in some other manner and leave the staff be’. And Zayn? He just sat there, took it like even the harshest form of contact from Liam was worth it, it was pathetic really, Liam almost felt bad for him, almost. Then there were the constant headaches, cramps and the joint pains- Liam was sure he was dying and he was going to die friendless, all because of a certain dark haired man. Wednesday, he had gone to meet Harry when he was sure Louis wouldn’t be home, that’s where he had met Niall, Josh’s soulmate. Harry wasn’t cold like the rest but he also wasn’t warm like his usual self, he made it clear that even though Liam was still a priority, (which made Liam feel a bit better and was the highlight point of his week- he really was pathetic) he expected Liam to make it up and not just to Louis but also Zayn. Niall who seemed like a good lad had later, after a cup of tea pulled him aside and said, “mate, I get that you need time n ol’ tha’ but seriously give Zayn a chance” Liam was about to protest but Niall overrode him “not romantically, but let him at least be your friend.” Liam looked at him, slightly shell shocked because he couldn’t explain why he had never given Zayn a chance to at least befriend him, it was so unlike Liam to not be nice and doing this to Zayn was hurting Liam, in the process also hurting Zayn. The solution had been so simple, he just had to befriend Zayn and then they could continue, like nothing at all was wrong, the world would be brighter. That day Liam walked out of Harry’s place slightly dazed at his own stupidity. 

Come Thursday being as pathetic as Liam was he again went to Harry’s place to cry some more maybe even apologize on bent knees to Louis. The sight he was greeted by was what shocked him- there sitting on the table having tea was Louis, Harry, Josh, Niall and Zayn. Zayn was the first to look up at him, as though he could feel his presence, the rest of them looked up too, Louis and Josh who had not spoken to him all of last week were assessing him coolly while Harry and Niall looked ready to call him in for a tea but it was Zayn- looking soft, his eyes red rimmed as though he had been crying (which he probably had) but they held so much love and hope that it snapped Liam. He had been nothing but pathetic to Zayn all week, had almost punched him today if it weren’t for Josh intervening and yet here he was like one of those stupid teenage girls with heart eyes for Liam.- that broke something inside Liam, he took a deep breath and walked out. He knew it was a pathetic move but Liam was hurt, he had seen all of them sitting there, domesticity oozing from there demeanor and Liam realized that- once again, he was an outsider. Who knew how many times they had done this over the past ten months, Liam surely didn’t, he hadn’t even been invited. And all of a sudden it hit him, maybe just maybe Zayn wasn’t after all the one causing rifts between him and his friends, maybe he had been pathetic and unhappy and had pushed away his only friends and now his entire world away from himself.

 

Friday found Liam, at the end of school hours in front of Louis and Josh who had agreed to meet him in the school parking lot, Zayn had taken to travelling home by his car the past two afternoons, God only knows why the whole car mess when Liam knew that he rode the bus. “I’m a pathetic person and I deserved the punch”, Liam said, he continued when he saw no one was going to oppose him, “I know I haven’t been the best mate these past few months and at this point frankly using Dani as an excuse would be horrible, cause it’s all me, I am the one who has been a bad friend but if you’ll give me a second chance, I swear I’ll be a better friend. I know I don’t deserve it after how I have been lately but I really want a chance for being better, I want back, I don’t want to be the outsider again. You’ll are literally my entire world and I can’t lose you’ll too. Please, I want to be able to talk to you’ll, all of you’ll, I want to get to know Zayn too” he added the last part for good measure because he had decided that the pain weighed out his pride and if Zayn’s friendship could lessen that, then that’s that. “What do you say Tommo?” Josh asked coolly, Louis looked at him as if judging his sincerity then back at Josh, not even a second later he had his arms full of his best friends, “we missed you too Payno” Louis said’ “never going to be an outsider Lima Bean” Josh mumbled and Liam started breathing just that little bit better with his friends squeezing him in the parking lot. Louis said something on the lines of, “get him to write your and Nialler’s wedding vows with a speech like that” as they started walking away and Josh hit him on the head while Liam just stood there shell shocked at being forgiven. “Coming or what Lima Bean?” Louis said turning to him, Liam ran and caught up with them, both of their arms going around his shoulder, Liam’s own going on theirs and just like that this became the highlight of Liam’s week.

By Sunday Liam was completely out of his mind with panic. He had promised all the boys that on Monday he’d talk to Zayn and try to extend a hand of friendship to him. While this had delighted Louis to no ends, Josh and Harry looked doubtful, as if they already knew that Liam would panic. All of Saturday Louis had yapped on about how happy Zayn was going to be for he was absolutely crazy about Liam and Liam never had the heart to tell Louis that he was only looking for friendship and nothing else, no matter how great Zayn was or what he did Liam had made up his mind, friendship with Zayn was only to benefit Zayn. Zayn, who Liam had realized by Friday wasn’t all that bad and didn’t deserve Liam’s harsh treatment. Friendship – that was a good idea. It was evening, the sky slowly going darker and clouds ambling into the sky, it was going to rain and not just drizzle or light rain, Liam knew it would storm but his nerves got the better of him and he put on running shorts and a wife beater and left for a run to clear his mind, without once thinking where he was going. As predicted, precisely half an hour later the rain started coming down heavily. “Shit” muttered Liam as he looked around the unfamiliar neighborhood – a shady one. “Shit, shit, shit” Liam muttered as he started slowly walking out of the alleyway he had reached- it was isolated, Liam continued muttering under his breath “going to meet Dani so soon if you keep going at this rate, Liam pain in the arse Payne”. 

“Hey pretty boy” said a drawled voice, Liam whipped around, he hadn’t realized someone had creeped up on him, the man was well built, much better than Liam, his face had scarring-definitely a mobster thought Liam. “Oh fuck” Liam cursed under his breath, not low enough apparently cause the man replied “exactly what I will do”, he had a creepy smile, reminded him of Jared Leto from Fight Club except worse. The man had by now started closing in on Liam and while Liam might be muscular he hadn’t exactly ever used them in situation to fight, so it came down to this- Liam had no idea how to use his power and one wrong move could end up with him dead in a shoddy alleyway, way to go Payne. “Sir, I’m sure there’s some misunderstanding, clearly you are drunk” Liam said in an attempt to make this man leave, “oh no no gorgeous, there’s no misunderstanding” the man was now moving with clear intent, Liam did the first thing he could think of, eyes teared up because he was scared senseless of this man, he went for his forte-sweet talk.  
“Sir, clearly you are too good looking to be this evil”  
“The devil is usually charming” the man replied now not even 3 inches from Liam.  
“Sir, it’s getting dark, you should go back to your mate, I’m sure they wouldn’t like a cold bed”  
“Don’t bother about them”, Liam could see another figure approaching from behind this man, oh God, please empty a place in Heaven for me, Liam thought I’m so dead. Now the first man had his hand caressing Liam’s jaw while his hand went down to his crotch grabbing it roughly, Liam was crying silently and tiny whimpers were leaving his mouth, “please sir, please leave me” Liam begged, tears steadily falling now as the man only sneered. Then Liam heard it, over the thunder that clapped overhead and the pouring rain, a distinct, loud growl. Liam kept his eyes shut, knowing this was the end. “Get the fuck away from my soulmate” said a low voice and Liam opened his eyes just in time to see the second man hit a heavy steel canister over the man’s head, who immediately fell from the force, he looked up from where he was on the ground. “Leave” growled the second man dangerously, steel canister still in hand, body now shielding Liam and facing away from him. The man on the floor scampered into the dark alleyway. The rain was still pouring around them, the man was heaving heavily while Liam was staring at his back, too shocked to comprehend the situation. “DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH? COMING HERE SO LATE WHEN THERE’S A STORM OUTSIDE! WHY DON’T YOU BE A BIT MORE POLITE AND HAVE HIM MURDER YOU SORDIDLY HERE AND THEN MAYBE I COULD FINALLY GET OVER YOU AND STOP LOVING YOU, FUCKER…WHAT ARE THOSE MUSCLES FOR? ARE THEY FAKE? BECAUSE AT THIS POINT I WILL BELIEVE IT!” Zayn yelled while turning to face Liam, his face was pale- Liam didn’t know out of fear or anger. He had never seen Zayn this angry- no forget that, he hadn’t seen Zayn angry ever. Liam knew he ought to apologise and be ashamed but suddenly the gravity of the situation decided to hit him just then, he fell to the ground hands going around Zayn’s torso and started sobbing, his tears mixing with the rain. “Zayn…” he sobbed repeatedly and eventually he felt a calming hand moving through his hair. Zayn fell to the ground too after sometime, now slightly lower than Liam, “hey, hey Liam, you are okay, it’s okay, I got you” he said looking into Liam’s red rimmed eyes. Liam nodded then hugged him one last time tightly.

They were in front of Liam’s house. Zayn had told him how he had found Liam-because he had seen him running when he had gone to get the groceries and was working up the courage to ask him for a ride to save him from getting wet, not realizing he’d have to save him from a thug instead. Zayn had been calm the whole ride and the silence between them was awkward, “that’s me” said Liam. Zayn nodded and gave him a small smile, both of them were drenched. Liam looked around Zayn’s car awkwardly to stretch this moment; it was too comfortable for a car- a few throw pillows and a comforter thrown on the backseat casually, a few packets of crisp littering the seat- odd. Zayn coughed awkwardly getting Liam’s attention effectively back on him, “ummm… do you maybe, you know, wannacomein?” “Sorry, what? I didn’t quite get you.” Liam took a deep breath to calm himself down “I said, do you want to come in? It is pouring, we could have tea.” Zayn gave him that small, hardly there smile again, “thanks Liam but I don’t do well with pity” Liam tried to argue, tell Zayn that no, this wasn’t pity, that he was genuinely befriending Zayn, that even if he hadn’t helped Liam he would have talked to Zayn, had he not died in the alleyway but he was cut off before he could even start, “you should go, it’s getting late” Zayn said with a strained smile. “Zayn…” but Zayn just made a shooing motion with a tight smile but Liam didn’t want to go just yet, his body felt better than it had all week and Zayn had saved him, so he did what he could to stretch this time. “Why did you have a canister in your car?” Liam asked, Zayn went red, just slightly, then smirked “had to save you didn’t I?” Liam snorted, then said with wide eyes “please come in, just one cup, please, I…I…” but Liam didn’t know how to finish, couldn’t exactly say Zayn please come in cause you make me feel better than I have felt all week, hell maybe even all year. Zayn again gave him a tight smile but it was also slightly pleading, Liam got the message and he got out, now the rain was just a slight drizzle. He started walking away but then turned around and bent to look in, Zayn had his face buried in his palms, “Zayn?” He looked up, his face wary and eyes looking tired suddenly “thank you, for tonight, all of it-the steel canister, ride back home and all” and then for the first time since that Friday Zayn gave him a genuine smile, not his full-fledged tongue smile but one that crinkled his eyes, he nodded at Liam, who then made his way back to his door, when he opened his door, the car was still there, Liam raised his hand in farewell and got a nod from the gangly boy, who then drove away. Maybe the week hadn’t been all that bad Liam thought as he got into his bed and straight passed out for the first time all week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey... hope you liked that....awww sorry Lima Bean but Zayn ain't easy....just saw the video to Everyday by Arianna Grande, if you haven't seen it I suggest-dont...also please leave a kudos and subscribe if you like it....and I love hearing from you'll so please feel free to give feedback's :)


	9. LIGHTS WILL GUIDE YOU HOME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this is a much smaller chapter cause i wanted to get to this part, now enjoy:

“Zayn?” asked Liam getting into Louis’ car the following morning, Louis looked at him as though he had lost his mind, “bro I’m Louis not Zayn, think you missing him too much?” Liam rolled his eyes as he looked out of the window, “no, what I mean is where is Zayn? He usually rides with you”. “Oh yea…” mumbled Louis as though he didn’t want to continue the conversation. “Lou? What? Did you fight with him also this past week?” worry etched in Liam’s voice. “What??!! No, God no, why would I? He just wants to ride his car these days” said Louis, his voice strained. Liam tried to ask for more information but was cut off by Louis, “drop it Liam”. Liam was slightly hurt by the harsh tone but he could see that Louis’ knuckles were white where he was tightly gripping the steering wheel, so he let it drop. Not wanting another unnecessary fight. The rest of the ride up to the teachers common room was spent in silence with Louis’ jaws set tightly while Liam followed him around, lost as to why his friend was so angry, he had apologized for his behavior, had Louis not forgiven him?

 

As they entered the room Louis immediately made his way to Zayn and started discussing something with him heatedly, oh so that’s what caused the tension Liam thought. Liam made his way to the tiny room which was converted into a pantry. If anyone asked then no, Liam was not eavesdropping on Louis and Zayn’s conversation, not at all, he was just admiring the pantry door jamb from where he could hear snippets of the conversation discreetly, it was a pretty door jamb. The room was slightly noisy because of a lot of teachers being present but he heard bits and pieces of Louis saying ‘you can be with us’, ‘not a burden’ and ‘can’t keep it a secret forever’. Zayn was too low to be heard but Liam saw Louis throwing his hands up in frustration and moving away to gather his requirements for the day from his desk. 

 

Before Liam could move away and make his way back to his bag to get his own things, there was a hand slowly snaking its way on his shoulder, he whipped around “Nick!!! Oh my Lord, you….never mind, how can I help you Nick?” “Oh, Liam you are cute when you get edgy” Nick said with a slight giggle, then he proceeded to pull Liam’s arms onto his waist and looped his own around Liam’s neck, this man needed to have a chat with an adult about personal space. “You know I get edgy too” Nick said his fingers playing with the collar of Liam’s shirt, Liam cringed internally, Nick continued, now close to Liam’s earlobe not bothering to notice Liam’s discomfort “so squirmy when…” he was cut off by a slight but firm cough, Nick turned around in Liam’s arms and Liam who by now had his eyes tightly shut opened them to thank his savior. “Malik” Nick said smile still in place but now it was forced, “Nick” said Zayn with an air of someone who was laughing on the inside but was trying to not let it show. “Liam you promised to help for the bake sale, could I have a word about it? I can talk about it on the way to your first class.” Liam nodded, understanding exactly what Zayn was doing “yes, yes Zayn I did promise help so I better give it, on the way to class, yes, yes you are right, right you are…” “Liam” said Zayn. “Right, right sorry started babbling didn’t I?” Liam said abashedly. Nick who no more had his arms around Liam, thank God-no sorry, thank Zayn for that-now pulled Liam’s cheeks and cooed “aww Lima Bean aren’t you cute? You’re assisting for the bake sale? Maybe I should volunteer.” Liam cringed but Zayn just politely said “I’m sure you can do that Nick…maybe later? You and Liam can be a team” Nick nodded gleefully and Liam made note to smack his soulmate’s-ugggh what was he saying, Zayn’s not his soulmate that’s Dani- face the next time he cornered him. “Liam? Let’s go?” said Zayn now smirking as though he couldn’t control it. Liam nodded and quickly packed his things while Zayn waited with his books in hand. As they were leaving Nick said in what Liam presumed had to be a flirty tone “see you later Liam…you know maybe after the bake sale?” Liam nodded to show he was listening “I could have your buns in my oven” Zayn snorted at that and Liam just gawked but Nick brushed past them, purposely touching Liam’s clothed crotch.

 

“You know I get edgy too” Zayn said in a tone that was quiet close to Nick’s and cackled like a kid, they were on their way to Liam’s class, Zayn’s being down the same corridor God knows how he hadn’t ever noticed it. “Shut up, he’s not bad” said Liam but his own voice was cracking slightly due to the laughter bubbling inside him. “Oh sure ok ya he isn’t bad at all” said Zayn with a straight face which stayed for 2 seconds then he was again laughing at full volume “no, no I’m sorry” he said between his laughs “he’s horrible…” he laughed and then choked out “’could have your buns in my oven’ who even says that? ‘Liam let me have your babies’” Zayn said in a sound imitation of Nick between his laugh, at that Liam started laughing too, he couldn’t control it anymore. Both of them reached Liam’s class, slightly out of breath and eyes crinkled in laughter. “That’s me” said Liam pointing to the door, “I know it is, have seen you come out of it all of last week” said Zayn his voice had lost the joy now and Liam looked at his feet. It was like every time they had a moment these days, Zayn would break it. “Should get going, don’t need raucous 6th graders on the lose” said Zayn, his voice clipped and started walking away when Liam gave a slight nod. Then Liam thought something he usually didn’t –fuck it. “Zayn?” Liam said, Zayn turned around, his face still emotionless “want to join me for lunch?” Zayn rolled his eyes and said “I don’t do well with pity Liam, already told you…” but Liam cut him off, he wasn’t taking no for an answer, Zayn deserved an honest chance and so did Liam, he just had to prove it wasn’t pity “ it’s not pity, I know you hate pity I wouldn’t do that you know? Not to you” Zayn looked at him earnestly “then why the offer?” “Because I have cooked food after a very long time and if it turns out bad I need company to finish it” Liam said with a smile to let Zayn know it was all in good humor. Zayn smiled to the floor and when he looked up Liam saw splatters of red on his cheeks “sincerely?” and Liam knew he wasn’t asking about the bad food “sincerely” said Liam a beat later, looking into his eyes. That’s when Zayn went tomato red, nodded shakily and said “would love to”, then walked away. Liam looked at him until he reached his own classrooms door and was embarrassed when Zayn turned around and winked when he caught Liam staring.

 

When lunch rolled around, Zayn’s palms were sweating, the last students had rolled out for lunch and now Zayn was sitting alone on his teacher’s desk contemplating his whole life. It’s not that he needed to worry, Liam had asked him after all and not vice versa and Louis and Josh would be there so Liam was safe from Zayn’s stupidity he was sure. “Shit, shit, shit maybe I should just run away to London. No, calm down Malik” Zayn said to himself under his breath. A light cough made Zayn jump, “Liam!” there Liam was his hand in his pant pockets, small smile on his lips leaning against a door frame. Zayn settled himself and got up to stride over confidently to Liam and then toppled over one of the random boxes on the floor. Zayn grumbled a bit, got up and started dusting his pants when he looked at Liam again he saw Liam’s mouth tightly pursed as though trying to hold in a laugh, “go on, do it laugh on me for being an idiot” Zayn said but there was no harshness to his words. Liam laughed raucously and then said while laughing “you aren’t an idiot you’re cute, you donut”, he probably didn’t notice the extreme blush on Zayn’s cheek on being called cute by Liam. “Whatever, you are a donut” said Zayn, “a very edible one too” added Zayn under his breath, turned away from the other boy so Liam couldn’t hear it. “Huh? Didn’t catch you” said Liam, “nothing” smirked Zayn looking back at Liam. “Shall we?” said Liam extending his arm and then it hit Zayn who he was in front of- Liam, kind, sweet Liam who was ready to force a relationship with Zayn just to keep everyone happy, Liam who was gorgeous and unattainable cause his heart was already gone with Danielle. Zayn stuffed his arms in his own pockets and mumbled “let’s go”. He didn’t notice the hurt on Liam’s face in his rush to leave his room.

“I don’t get it, I offer him friendship and at first he is great, like yesterday we talked for 3 hours, 3 hours Harry and then it’s like he snaps out of a trance state and behaves all cold and all broody as though I am nobody, it’s annoying me now” Liam complained to Harry over a cup of tea on Friday afternoon after school. Louis had left, to meet Zayn, Zayn who wouldn’t meet him outside school- ‘I am his bloody soulmate’ thought Liam then mentally whacked himself ‘Zayn isn’t yours, he is his own person, not yours to care or brood for, just a friend’. “He has…” Harry paused as if thinking of the right words “his own problems as of right now, ones that aren’t related to you” Harry said, his words meant to be comforting but it hit Liam harshly. ‘He has a life, a life in which you aren’t a part, he doesn’t want you, just stuck with you, obviously like always Payne your just a pain’ Liam thought, he nodded at Harry “I got to go” he said, he could feel a lump in his throat and didn’t feel like crying in front of Harry, he got up and left abruptly before Harry could even react.

There were two knocks on his door, ‘odd’ thought Liam. It wasn’t like no one visited him but he wasn’t expecting anybody right now, his eyes were rimmed red and was in his boxers and batman t-shirt- his safety blanket, his hair not in a quiff but now all muzzy and curled up from the shower. He had come home and cried like a baby, no one had ever had him as their first choice – not Dani and sure as hell not Zayn. He had made himself macaroni and cheese- comfort food. Over the years Liam knew he wasn’t much on the looks department so he build his muscles, had even tried to be a bad boy until Harry had smacked him and told him that he was perfect and that Dani loved him for himself- it was a bad period in Liam’s life. 

He opened the door and there in the pouring rain (God damn England’s uncertain weather) stood Zayn, he was a stark contrast to Liam- dark jeans, slight stubble, slightly sleep deprived eyes. “What you doing here?” asked Liam sharply, he was in no mood for Zayn- a man who didn’t want him. “Hello to you too” said Zayn brushing past Liam into his house with his wet clothes dripping on the hard wood floor, “fancy” he said picking up one of Danielle’s crystal cups from the shelf, looking at it unimpressed. “Zayn” said Liam warningly; he had had enough of Zayn for 1 day. Zayn sighed tiredly, then said “Harry told about your abrupt departure, wassup?” Liam walked into his living room and fell onto his couch, bouncing a bit. When he looked up Zayn was looking at him with a raised eyebrow. “Nothing just felt a bit off…” mumbled Liam, Zayn unceremoniously dropped in next to Liam, he maintained a safe distance from him though, no body parts touching. “Okay, if you don’t wanna talk, mind if I stay a bit? We could watch Iron Man or something”. “Zayn…” Liam started tiredly wanting to say that he didn’t want to do this because he knows in an hour or two Zayn will come back to his senses and Liam was tired of being rejected by everyone, but he couldn’t say it, not when he saw Zayn’s wide hazel eyes, damn those eyes thought Liam. Liam sighed in resignation “Mac and cheese sounds good?” he asked Zayn and Zayn lit up, his whole fucking face glowing and for the first time since that first time that they had met Liam could see Zayn’s tongue peeking from behind his teeth, “sounds perfect” says Zayn eyes still crinkled at the corner.

What Liam realized more than anything in the 2 hours they spend together was that spending time with Zayn was-easy? The banter was good but so was the silence and for the first time Liam realized why everyone had told initially, even before the whole soulmate mess that Zayn would be great for him-they complimented each other. There interests were common and talks between them flowed easy, Liam realized how he and Zayn would have been perfect, too sad his love died with Danielle. Two hours later Zayn was putting on his sneakers and was getting ready to leave, Liam had offered Zayn a stay at his place as it was late but Zayn had politely declined saying he’d rather get going. Liam was smiling from the evening, his earlier inhibitions diluted and his brain fuzzy with joy, in a very long time the evening had been fun and he couldn’t blame his stupidity on anything but his overjoy when he said “you know Dani hated it when I went all nerd boy, that’s how half the glasses in our house got shattered, angry one she was” Zayn looked up sharply and Liam suddenly realized what he had said. He couldn’t believe he had said that about Danielle, he was sure he’d never had that thought about her. His shock and abomination must have been evident on his face because Zayn just said “so I’ll call it night” and stuttered out.

 

Liam was restless, it was nearing midnight and despite what had happened last time he had done this, Liam put on his sweatpants and shoes and went for a run. He decided to stay on the well-lit path this time while his mind buzzed with thoughts. He hadn’t ever thought of Danielle in the bad light, no matter what. ‘Danielle- beautiful and kind, always so supportive. Had fought off my bullies in high school’ Liam thought, ‘sure she could be harsh but she always said that in the end it was to benefit me, that my boring personality and mind numbing conversation wouldn’t get me far. She had been right; I am boring, which 23 year old likes video games and comics?’ ‘Louis does and so does Zayn’ his mind provided, he shuts that part out. He was slightly perspiring now. Danielle with her unparalleled beauty and grace had the right to be arrogant, after all how many times had not only Danielle but her parents and so many boys at high school called Liam out for not being good enough-boring and too kind, not adventurous and dark and broody like women their men, how Dani wanted her man to be, but she was stuck with him thought Liam. Sure they had hit a rough patch, rotten one, one after which most soulmates would part, a point of no return after which things would never be the same and they never were but Liam likes to think that he got Dani back with his love and unwavering devotion to her. ‘Did you though?’ said a small voice at the back of his mind, he ignored it. It hadn’t been Zayn’s fault, no; Liam wasn’t going to be stupid this time. He knows what he said to Zayn was nothing to do with Zayn and all to do with Liam and his ungratefulness to Danielle, someone who settled for Liam, who didn’t have a choice even though she deserved more, her frustration was understandable to Liam. He wouldn’t cut off Zayn again just because he was having a crisis in his head for Dani, no Zayn didn’t deserve that.

 

Liam’s thoughts were slowly silencing as fatigue started catching up. He decided to head back but then saw an all-night store open and decided to go in and get water before turning back home. With the bottle now in hand and bill paid, Liam opened the cap and took a large gulp making his way out of the store, there wasn’t any reason why but his eyes roamed a bit as he stood there and drank water. Then something caught his eye-a car, a car that he’d only seen three times before in his lifetime but he knew who’s it was, so he made his way to where the car was parked. The windows were all rolled up and a slight form was sleeping on the backseat with a comforter covering him. He rapped the window, the form shook violently and fell out of the seat, when he looked up his eyes were bleary, sleep evident thought eyes slightly wide now that they had seen Liam standing there. Once the window was rolled down by the man Liam asked “What are you doing here, Zayn?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awwww Lima Bean but you are so good, fuck what Dani said....anyway what do you'll think is up with Zayn? what will happen? Also did you'll see the hotness that is Liam Fucking Payne and Zayn Javvad Malik in their respective photo shoots for the magazines recently? I'm not sure when I'l be able to update next but I'll try for the usual Monday though I'm not sure. If you like it please leave a kudos, comment and subscribe :)


	10. He’s Falling Doesn’t Even Know It Yet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, firstly this is short and late, but c'mon guys....school is hectic and I dont get time...I'm sorry...also no idea when the next update comes in...I'll try for sooner rather than later.... again no assurity. now, dont hate me, so on with the chapter:

Josh looked at himself in the mirror and was least to say impressed. He had gotten Harry over to do his hair for him, who was now sat at the end of his bed. “What if he doesn’t like it?” asked Josh to the curly haired lad. “Josh…” Harry said in his slow drawl “he’s going to love you anyway, you could go in a potato sack and he’d love you bloody looks at you all the time, doesn’t he?” Josh blushed slightly, god he was doing that an awful lot lately, but Harry’s reassurance didn’t put his thoughts to rest. “But what if he doesn’t, I mean it’s out first time alone, I mean me and him, him and me, all alone, together…” “Thanks Josh, but I know what being alone means you don’t need to repeat it so many times” said Harry with a slight smirk. Josh shot him a glare through the mirror as he adjusted his shirt for the umpteenth time. “Coming back to the original topic, what if he doesn’t like me? Thinks I’m too boring, he is bloody fun and cool and charming and I’m awkward.” Harry looked at him eyes slightly furrowed in confusion, “you know. I don’t even know where all these ideas come in that stupid head of yours but better block that area. Now go, else you’ll be late.” Josh looked at his phone only to be greeted by a message Niallator: Can’t wait to see you Devine ;). Josh blushed hard, picked up his keys and started leaving with Harry in tow. Josh turned slightly to look at Harry and opened his mouth but even before he could get any word out Harry said “one more complaint on your looks Devine and I’ll attend that date of yours, leaving you gagged in your kitchen”. Josh just frowned at him and said “I was going to ask if I should kiss him or not but that’ll not matter if you go”. Harry gave him a smirk, “I’m sure he’d much prefer a shag by now, but okay if a kiss is what you want, I’m sure he can be accommodating.” Josh spluttered indignantly.

 

Niall’s place was pretty far from Josh’s; it was closer to Harry, Louis, Liam and Zayn’s. Josh being the only one with a fancy pay roll could afford a nice apartment in the posh locality of Wolver Hampton but the rest of the boys lived in a slightly shadier area. Niall’s house was at the end of the road so Josh just left his car outside the gate not bothering with parking.

 

When he slipped in he saw Niall’s house was much like the other boys except it wasn’t two storied but only one with a slightly larger lawn. It wasn’t much but the unkempt lawn and the chips in the wall paint made the house feel like home- something Josh had not been able to achieve with his own apartment. Josh walked up the slightly cobbled path and was about to knock when the door flew open with Niall slightly panting and red in the face. His t shirt had a wet spot and his hair was slightly damp, he had a huge smile in place- Josh slightly lost his breath. Josh realized Niall reminded him of what he always expected angels to look like. “H…Hi” said Niall slightly out of breath and a bit flustered “just saw you walk up the path, thought I’d greet you.” Josh was now being ushered into the house by Niall “it is quite a great sight to be greeted by Josh remarked then his hand flew to his mouth as he looked at Niall wide eyes, he had definitely sounded randy he thought. Niall though just smirked and walked past mumbling “wait till you see under these clothes” his tiny bum swaying as much as it could as he made his way into the house. Niall, Josh decided was a little tease.

 

Josh joined Niall in the kitchen where there were a few pots on the flame, different aromas fused together to give the kitchen an overall pleasant smell which Josh didn’t know why he related to-home. He was pondering over why Niall’s shoddy house qualified as home, while his luxurious apartment didn’t make the cut when Niall turned from his cooking “the dishes are on their way but it’ll take a bit, want to go out and sit on the patio? It’s a wonderful day.” Josh considered for a bit, he liked the kitchen, it smelled homey, something Josh hadn’t felt in the past 7 years but he realized that it was indeed a nice day and if Niall was suggesting something he was game. He was still nervous, God Niall looked fit, and he felt bloated and incompetent in front of him. He nodded slightly and Niall picked up a few bottles of something and started walking out, his one hand still free. Josh started walking behind him and then as an afterthought grasped Niall’s free hand. The hold was awkward because Josh had just shoved his hand with Niall’s and it felt clammy but Josh refused to let go. Niall slightly wriggled around in the grip and Josh loosened the hold about to drop his hands back to himself, embarrassed, when Niall readjusted their hands and entwined their fingers together, a small smile in place.

 

They reached the patio and sat on the edge, for a few minutes both of them were silent, then Niall nudged his arm with one of the bottles indicating for Josh to take it. Josh saw the bottle and snorted “Fruit Loops?” internally though he was ecstatic, he couldn’t believe Niall had bought Fruit Loops just for their date; he had a secret fondness for them. “Hey, it’s either this or beer. And I didn’t want to intimidate you with my drinking capacity” Niall replied sassily, eyes twinkling. Josh snorted again, “Sure, that or your actually a really horny drunk and you don’t want me to know it… yet” Josh’s eyes were twinkling as well, as he spoke around the bottle. He took a gulp, the challenge to flirt back evident in his eyes. And Niall didn’t disappoint, he never had. “Don’t have to be drunk to be horny around you, those biceps make me want to dry hump all the time” Niall’s eyes were filled with mirth as he said it and Josh looked at him incredulously. “Did you just say dry hump?” “Mmhmm” Niall replied with a small smile, eyes never leaving Josh’s. “I think I might be in love” josh said casually still smiling a little astounded. Then all of a sudden Niall moved in really close and breathed it right against his lips “good, you better be”. Josh closed his eyes in anticipation, his body tense; his lips were parted waiting for the onslaught of Niall’s against his own. He could feel the warmth of Niall’s body against him, feel Niall’s fingers entwined in his own, the soft breath on his lips. And then just like that it was gone, josh opened his eyes to see a flushed Niall, lips slightly parted sitting back in his earlier place. He felt a pang of disappointment.

 

After the initial awkwardness of the almost kiss subsided, the flow of their talk was back to being easy. Josh realized that even though they were alone, he didn’t feel awkward. The lunch was phenomenal, better than Josh had eaten in years. He mostly got take out or microwavable dinner, this, real dinner cooked by someone, he had missed this, missed eating meals with someone to talk to and laugh with. Somehow all the dishes served had suspiciously been Josh’s favorites. When asked, Niall simply said it was just a coincidence but Josh refused to believe it. Every single dish laid out was something that Josh had loved or come to love over the years. Finally, after enough pestering, while they were having desserts Niall relented – “okay, fine I was much too nervous about this date so to get everything right I pestered Harry for a week at work for all this information on you, your favorite dish, drinks n ol’ o’ that’, is tha’ what you wat you want to hear?” suddenly it his Josh, it wasn’t the little things that made this place feel home, it wasn’t the knick knacks or the chips in the wall paint, no, it was Niall, Niall that made this place feel home, Niall who was making him feel so special, Niall who had for the first time in years cared for him, made him feel whole, gone through all this trouble for him and this unfamiliarity of being looked after, cared for even made Josh panic. He stood up abruptly his dessert half way done, Niall stood up too:  
“Josh?”  
“I need to go”  
“What?”  
“I have to go” he said, his eyes pleading.  
“Did I … did I do something wrong?”  
Josh couldn’t bear to see the heartbreak on Niall’s face, so he turned, making his way to the front door. “No… yes … I don’t know, I just have to go Niall. I need to get away, right now!” Josh said mindlessly, when he realized his implication, his hand on the door handle, he looked around to see Niall looking at the floor, hands twiddling with each other, his heart shattered “Niall I….” “Just leave” said Niall coldly and the coward that he was, he left, leaving Niall alone and heartbroken at his door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why are all my boys so stupid? So yeah, no Ziam, its Nosh but hey I'm in no rush to get Ziam back to focus after the last chapter muhahahahha... no, no just kidding, I'll get them in a bit. And the baby??? Lima Bean has a baby, like omg, hes a baby himself but anyway, I'm happy for him. It might be a PR stunt, maybe not idk but yeah cant hate on the baby....though it's still Ziam till the end. Please hit kudos or comment if you like this because your comments make my day :)


	11. This Could Be Something If You Let It Be Something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok first off I'm so sorry for the last two months, it's just that it was super hectic so I couldn't upload but I'll do it more often now...Also I appreciate all the comments, kudos and reads immensely, so thank you  
> WARNING: THERE ARE MENTIONS OF RACIST COMMENTS PLEASE DO NOT READ IF IT TRIGGERS YOU, IT'S JUST MENTION BUT STILL  
> Now on with the chapter:

“… and then I just started living in my car because I didn’t want to be a bother” Zayn concluded. They were sitting in Liam’s apartment across the table. Liam pulled on whatever little hair was present on his scalp in exasperation. “Wait, let me get this straight, the dude who was your landlord was nice but then he died?” Zayn nodded, “his son-the asshole- and his wife – the cunt- are xenophobic bastards?” Zayn nodded again “and so the minute the father popped he kicked you out saying you belong to IS?” Zayn gave another nod. Liam let out a slow breath, his fist clenching and unclenching on the table “then you leave and instead of asking for help or taking the help Louis offered, you started staying in your shoddy car cause you thought you’d be a bother?” Zayn again nodded. “And all this happened that day before I was about to punch you at school?” Zayn just shrugged at that, “oh for fuck’s sake Zayn, can you please say something this is big!!” Liam said loudly, fists banging on the table. Zayn flinched at that, “I don’t like it when you scream Liam”, he said in a small voice and ha fucking ha obviously Zayn’s concern was him screaming even at this point, Liam thought.

For the past half hour they’d been discussing, well mostly Zayn telling him how his landlord’s son kicked him out cause he had been a racially discriminating piece of shit (ok, the last part were Liam’s thoughts, but still it was a fact, at least to Liam). Zayn, Liam decided was a stupid, stupid man and what he needed was a nice spanking and oh shit, why did he think about spanking cause now all the scenarios in his head had a very naked Zayn over his knee…sexual frustration, that’s good, Liam unequivocally thought, it was just that so many months without sex had him thinking about it in a sexual manner, nothing to do with Zayn, nothing at all. “Zayn” and this time when he spoke, Liam made sure his voice was softer “listen, stay with me” Zayn opened his mouth to protest but Liam overrode him “look I know you don’t want the help but the thing is, I anyway have an extra room which is wasting away, it can be yours and it’s better than a car”  
“Liam I don’t need your pity”  
“It’s not pity, its friendship”  
“It’s pity, 2 weeks ago you wouldn’t look at me and now you are offering your house like that’s normal for friends who have known each other for two weeks”  
“but we aren’t friends, I am your soulmate too” Liam said, he knew it was an unfair point to put forward but he didn’t care, Zayn wasn’t staying in a car, A CAR if Liam could do anything about it, as much as he wanted to deny it Liam knew that he was protective of Zayn, soulmate bond or otherwise, Zayn had taken Liam’s harshness and given him back nothing but tender love and care, Zayn deserved better.

“That’s unfair” Zayn said, his voice shrill and Liam smirked slightly, he knew he had won, Zayn had too much of a soft spot for his soulmate, well, good for Liam. “I never said I play fair” Liam retorted, his eyes glinting slightly. “I…but... Leeyum…” and that way, the way Zayn had said his name stirred something in Liam’s stomach, all of a sudden he wanted Zayn to never stop calling him that, he pushed the feeling down. “Zayn listen, it’s either this or you can stay at Louis’ cause after knowing this I will not let you stay in that car” Liam said, Zayn looked like he wanted to protest so Liam added for good measure “nothing personal, just that if you suffer, I’ll suffer too via the bond and that isn’t something I’m too keen on” Zayn looked at him murderously, like he couldn’t believe Liam had used the soulmate bond, something Zayn believed in so dearly against him in this manner. “So you can decide-here with me or there with Louis and Harry and all their endless love, PDA and sex” Liam said, Zayn looked at him dejectedly and Liam rose up from the chair to go to the kitchen knowing he’d won the argument- logical Liam always so smart-he thought. It wasn’t as though he couldn’t ship Zayn off to Louis’ because he could, and knowing Harry and Louis they’d be more than willing, also they’d be perfect to Zayn and love him like a brother, but Zayn was his mate and why shouldn’t he take care of him? Just because he wants Zayn close doesn’t need to mean something, means nothing really.

He stood there pondering on what to cook, all things were mostly microwavable but he’d make do. “Liam?” came a timid voice from the kitchen door, Liam turned to see Zayn standing there, his eyes to the floor “I”llstayherebutI’mgonnapaytherent” Zayn said quickly and softly. Liam leaned against the counter “could you say that slower and probably louder, love?” Zayn blushed at the endearment but then said “I’ll stay here but I’m going to pay the rent”. Liam looked at him, scrutinizing him; he knew Zayn had too much pride to just accept Liam’s help with no problem. “Fine” Liam nodded, “you can pay if you want to, but it’s not necessary” Zayn nodded and Liam turned to his cupboards feeling that the conversation was over, “Liam?” “Zayn?” he said turning around. “Could you maybe” then Zayn looked down shyly and mumbled “show me my bedroom?” Liam realized what else that statement could imply, but in the present scenario he knew it wasn’t supposed to be that way, “ya, ya okay” he said, a little out of breath.

They walked up a dingy stairwell; Danielle had always hated how creaky it was. On the landing there were doors at the two opposite ends of the short corridor. He took to the left door, “the other one is mine, in case you need anything feel free to knock” Liam said, Zayn nodded and Liam had a feeling Zayn was not going to knock even if his room was on fire. He opened the door to the guest bedroom, it was slightly dusty and no one had used it in a while. There wasn’t much, just a bed with a cupboard and a desk and chair, the window overlooked the yard. Zayn went and stood next to it, Liam wondered what Zayn could see out in the dark, after several minutes of no movement and silence Liam cleared his throat and Zayn looked over, he looked tired and haggard, too thin, but still beautiful. “Thanks Liam”  
“Anytime. Food?”  
Zayn shook his head “I’d like to sleep actually, maybe tomorrow I could shift my belongings here?” his eyes were wide as though he thought Liam wouldn’t allow him to get his things in his house. Liam realized how unconfident Zayn was around him, how he felt it a need to walk on eggshells around Liam, as though he knew Liam would never accept him. When had he become so unapproachable to Zayn? Liam nodded around the lump in his throat and then added “maybe I could help you with that?” Zayn smiled, it was small but it was there “Liam I have like two suitcases, that’s it, I can do it in 1 trip” Liam looked at him ruefully for a moment, wanting nothing more than to hug Zayn and wish his problems away, but it wasn’t so simple, it never had been. Liam gave a tight lipped smile then retreated and shut the guestrooms door. He let out a long sigh. He realized he had lost his appetite too and made his way to his bedroom, that night Liam had a fitful sleep.

 

Liam walked into the kitchen the next morning to wafting smell of pancakes and Zayn at the counter in his sweats and a loose old t shirt. “Hey” Liam said with a slight smile while leaning sideways on the kitchen door, Zayn who had been previously been flipping the pancake looked over his shoulder, his own slight smile in place “good morning Liam”. He turned around to face Liam leaning against the counter “hope you don’t mind pancakes, there was no other ingredients, so it was this or the protein bars.” Liam looked at him sharply for a moment, but when he saw how his look had Zayn looking slightly scared he started laughing “Zayn its good” Liam said and then looked at the pan and groaned “oh my Jesus you know how to make chocolate chip pancakes?” Zayn grinned and slid the last of the pancakes into one of the two plates while Liam poured out juice from a bottle, “it’ cranberry, you cool with it?” Liam asked and Zayn snorted “it’s cranberry, who isn’t cool with it?” Liam poured it into the second glass and Liam led Zayn to the front steps of his place, who looked thoroughly confused, “its Saturday, we have the whole day so let’s just sit out relax and eat?” Liam provided, Zayn smiled the eye crinkling tongue peeking smile of his as he excitedly said “I’d love that” and quickly sat down on the front steps crossing his legs, both plates still in hand, Liam looked down at him, amused at the excitement, Danielle hated sitting on the steps, too dirty. Liam sat down slowly placing the two glasses between them and taking one of the plates from Zayn, as he bit into his pancake, he realized Zayn hadn’t commenced his meal; he was looking at Liam expectantly, biting his lips so hard it had to be painful. Liam tried to keep a straight face knowing exactly what Zayn wanted, he really did try but the pancake was just delicious and he hadn’t had proper cooked breakfast since after leaving home, neither he nor Danielle were well equipped with the kitchen, that after a minute of trying he gave Zayn the most blinding smile, his eyes crinkling to meagre splits, teeth on display and pure joy on his face, “its so good Zayn, like it truly is amazing unngghh” he groaned “ I don’t care anymore, you have to stay with me now cause I need these pancakes in my life” and you too said a small voice in his head, he blocked it. Zayn gave a bright smile of his own, looking flustered  
“Really? Well ummm.. I …”  
“You know though there’s one improvement you could make”  
And Zayn looked up sharply, giving Liam his whole attention, so eager to please Liam thought fondly. “You know if we live together,” Liam said and at those words he saw a slight upward twitch on Zayn’s face, “you really can’t be this edgy around me” Liam finished with a smirk, popping another bite. Zayn smiled at that softly, then said “guess I have been too obviously flustered then, I’ll try Liam.” He turned and bit into his own pancakes, a small smile playing on both faces. 

“You know, I can hardly believe that a human has inhabited this home at all” Zayn complained, come Sunday morning. It hadn’t taken much for Zayn to get out of his shell, it helped that both he and Liam had a mutual love for superheroes and R&B tracks and Zayn had realized Liam could be quite the spoilt brat if he wanted- he won’t scream or throw temper tantrum, he’ll just pout till you concede to having things his way. Liam had also spent last evening marking papers with Zayn and making him hear a lot of Drake on his iPod and Zayn had in turn made him hear Abel a.k.a. The Weekend, Liam had decided he liked Abel, slightly sexual but otherwise the man knew what he was doing and thoroughly enjoyed making music. That was all until Zayn had looked up from his work only to find Liam, who for some inexplicable reason to himself, was staring at Zayn as a sultry ‘High For This’ played in the background, their eyes had met and not two moments later Abel’s voice sang “We’ll be good, I promise we’ll be so good” and Zayn’s lips slightly parted while Liam’s breath hitched, Liam then abruptly broke eye contact and looked into his sheets, Geography, a monotone to block out the world.

“Leeyum” Zayn singsonged breaking him out of his reverie to the present, god that sound was quickly becoming Liam’s favorite. Liam looked up at Zayn acknowledging him from where he was sat on the counter. Zayn was shuffling through his cabinets and fridge in search of god knows what, realizing that Liam hadn’t been listening to his whining for the past 10 minutes he went up to Liam and took his face in his hands, looking him dead in the eye “we need groceries, you live like a nomad, I need real food and so do you.” Zayn hadn’t realized his proximity or position, but Liam noticed, his face going warm in Zayn’s grasp, his breath was uneven. Zayn who was still waiting for a reply looked at Liam’s mocha eyes, way too close for comfort, obviously Liam’s comfort Zayn thought because he himself would want to be a lot closer, memorize those eyes, that body but more than anything he wanted to thoroughly know the soul within, Zayn dropped his hands. He moved back several paces and turned to the cabinets again forcing himself to be calm.

“I haven’t really been out and about doing these things, I mean not in a while now” Liam said, once his breathing was even. Zayn turned around and looked at Liam scrutinizing, who was now squirming a bit. “How long?” Zayn asked,  
“Say a year, give or take a few weeks”  
“Why would you….” Zayn trailed off, Danielle. He nodded his head at Liam’s general direction then asked casually “so who gets it for you?” “Harry mostly, not like I really need a lot, I’m a man of few needs” Liam said and Zayn smirked at that , “well I have a lot of needs, not easily satisfied” Liam went red at the implications of that line, while Zayn snorted “now who’s getting all flustered?” Zayn remarked, wanker. “It’s a Sunday, so we can do it today, at least buy the supplies for the week because seriously I am not having microwavable dinner, it has to be unnatural” Zayn supplied.  
“Yeah, you can ride mine” Liam said  
“Oh, I’d love to” Zayn replied with a wink  
“My car, you donut” Liam replied with a playful shove  
“You hurt my heart Leeyum”  
“You hurt my brain Malik, but here we are”  
“Ya, here we are” Zayn said with a slight smile. Liam smiled back.  
Zayn’s car had run out of gas when Liam had brought him to his house and as both of them were too lazy to go get it filled, Liam decided Zayn could ride his car to the god damn grocery store that he was so interested in visiting, Liam wouldn’t understand what the need was, Harry could get them the basics, right?  
“I don’t need to ride your car, you are coming with me and this is your supplies we are shopping for too”  
“Zaaayn I told you I don’t need much, Harry will get me something if I ask”  
“And so would I, if you asked, but the thing is you need to get out and go do your own chores because you are a responsible adult” Zayn grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him with all his might, Liam went in easily, he hadn’t ever been much of a fighter and usually gave in. “I don’t get how someone can depend on somebody else for something as basic as groceries, the store is not even a 15 minute drive, all you have to do is hop in and go there, pick up what you like and…” Zayn kept babbling all through the ride, Liam had a small smile playing on his lips the whole while.

Liam hated the grocery store with burning passion, okay that was exaggeration. Liam didn’t like the grocery store was more like it, not for any reason in particular just because he hadn’t ever been here all that much, but there were so many families, all these kids and their parents, newly paired couples, single people and Danielle and Liam had avoided it at all costs, they would simply run to a general store and eat microwavable dinner keeping it simple. Liam cringed when they got in, Zayn immediately going for a shopping basket. Louis and Harry had told him it was a perfectly nice place, Liam didn’t believe them. “Liam, come on” Zayn said who had already drifted away while Liam stood rooted. Liam moved slowly up to him, Zayn maneuvered his way around the crowd smoothly while Liam followed him like a lost puppy, if he lost Zayn, Liam was sure he’s never making it back home alive. Zayn was looking up at the cereal shelf while Liam looked around at his surroundings. Zayn noticed Liam’s discomfort and thought of distracting him or at least trying “Cocoa Puff or Reese’s?” Zayn asked Liam holding both in hand, Liam looked at it and then said in a duh manner “none because both of them are unhealthy as fuck? Its oats all the way mate”. Zayn out in the Cocoa Puff’s regardless, no way is he leaving his food up to a man who thinks about oats as food. “Oats? They taste like muck Liam, I think it’s more like one of those weird mushy things you feed babies that’s not real food” Zayn said moving down the aisle and dropping in a carton of oats, Liam needed his breakfast. “Oh yes” Liam said removing the packet of oats Zayn had dropped in and replacing it with another brand “because having that much sugar right in the morning is real food”  
“At least my mouth won’t feel like somebody put mud into it” Zayn mumbled, picking up a broccoli and examining it. Liam gave him a grossed out look “that’s broccoli” “thanks for stating the obvious, genius” “why are we even looking at it?” “because we are buying it” “no, it tastes so baaaaad” Liam whined, Zayn bopped his nose and put the broccoli into the basket along with bell peppers and a few vegetables Liam swore his mum used to cook but couldn’t remember their names anymore, “don’t worry I’ll make it all taste delicious so ickle Lima bean won’t have the taste of the baddie vegetables” Zayn mocked, Liam pouted. “Speaking of Lima Bean” Zayn said picking up a packet of flat beans, well lima beans his eyes alight with mirth, he waved it in front of Liam who groaned, “no, that’s it I’m drawing a line here, no lima beans at home except me”. Zayn laughed and put the beans back into their place.

Liam had the basket in his hand and Zayn was looking at tinned tomatoes, Liam having no idea what he’s judging when someone said “hey Zayn”. Zayn and Liam both looked around to be met by a curvaceous girl younger than Liam might have just started college, her hair was pink at the ends and she had a very bright voice, matching her happy and bright face, Liam didn’t like her. “Hey Perrie” Zayn said brightly and reached out for the girl who immediately embraced him, Liam did not like her at all. “It’s been a while, where have you been?” the girl, Perrie asked, she was smiling too wide for Liam’s liking. “Here and there, here and there” Zayn said “when you starting college?”  
“This fall, all thanks to you.”  
“Aww Pez, it isn’t at all like that, you always were a smart one, just needed honing”  
“Well mum didn’t feel so” Perrie chuckled, then she seemed to notice Liam her face falling a bit, good thought Liam but then immediately forming back to her warm smile, oh Liam so didn’t like her why was she being nice? “And who is this handsome?” Perrie asked turning to Zayn. Zayn smiled at him widely and Liam couldn’t help his own small returning smile, “this is Liam, kind Liam here is a good friend and a even better person because he has allowed me to stay with him”. Perrie smiled widely at Liam and held out a hand, Liam shook it and she was too nice but not for Zayn Liam decided. Also, good friend? What about soulmate, missed that one out Malik, Liam thought. “Well I’m going to get going then, have to get the groceries otherwise mum will kill me” she hugged Zayn again tightly, who hugged her back “meet me ok? Don’t be a stranger, take care. Nice meeting you Liam” she said looking at him and walked off hurriedly. Liam waited till Zayn had gone back to the tomatoes before asking as casually as he could about Perrie, Zayn told him without any hesitation how he had tutored her for extra money for a bit before Perrie sat for her exams to get into a college, how Perrie and he had also become very good friends over the course of time because Perrie was mature beyond her age and always a great listener. “So, you like her?” Liam asked, “obviously” Liam’s face fell at that, not like Zayn noticed, he was way too busy with breads, “she’s a great girl, amazing friend too” Zayn added. “No, I meant like do you like her as in romantically?” At that, Zayn spinned away from the breads with a shocked look towards Liam, “what?” he spluttered out “no, uggh Pez is like family, what even gave you that impression?” Zayn’s frankness and the fact that he was looking at Liam like he had lost his marbles made Liam realise he had obviously sounded super stupid “nothing, just umm…do you think loaf is better or sliced?” Liam asked, Zayn squinted in his direction and then turned back to the breads, “well frankly I always preferred loaf, but then sliced is easy also….” Zayn went on, talking about the different breads picking up each one, telling Liam its different qualities, pros and cons never realizing why Liam was smiling like a goofy idiot the whole while.

“You know a 1 litre isn’t going to supply two people for a week Liam” Zayn said, trying to explain Liam for the umpteenth time that milk is an important food item on a daily basis. Liam, who had now kept the basket beside him and was holding the said bottle of milk shook it in Zayn’s face,  
“Look at it; it’s so much who even will drink that much milk”  
“All milk isn’t drunk, most of it is used in foods like your oats”  
“and why would I need a litre for a bowl”  
“It’s for the whole week; you and I both need milk, in the morning”  
“1 litre is fine”  
“It really isn’t you know Liam?” said a completely different voice, Zayn turned around to see Louis with a smirk and Harry with a huge grin standing behind them, “Louis! Hazza!” Zayn said delightedly in the same time as Liam said “alright you lads?” with a wide smile. “Do these eyes of mine deceive me Haz? Is this The Liam Payne standing in a grocery store with us Haz” Louis said and Liam rolled his eyes, “Zayn forced me into it” “well about time someone did it” said Harry deeply. “Harrryyyy” Zayn whined “can you please tell Liam how 1 litre of milk won’t supply us for a week?” Liam had called Louis to tell about his little arrangement with Zayn last afternoon, Louis had fought pretty hard on it, saying he and Harry would like to have Zayn at their place as he wasn’t sure if Liam would be good to him and take care of him properly, not like he needed to be looked after, but still. Liam had insisted that Louis shut his trap and be okay with the arrangement cause Liam wasn’t sending Zayn to them, whether he liked it or not and had ended the call. Harry who had been sitting on the other side the whole while with Louis had to convince Louis from not storming into Liam’s house by showing him logic- Liam needed somebody in his life, Zayn was his soulmate regardless of Louis not liking it- some hassling and a fantastic head later, Louis called Liam to tell him that he would be supportive but if Liam ever hurts Zayn he’d punch the air out of him without any hesitation, everyone knew from past traumatic experiences, Louis can actually do that.  
He’s right you know, there are two people and unlike you Liam, Zayn actually religiously eats breakfast and will make you do so too, so that milk won’t last more than three days” Harry said matter of factly, Liam huffed out a breath and looked at Louis for support who just said “they are right, you know that”. Liam took two bottles and put it in and Zayn smiled triumphantly “honestly, I feel so attacked right now” Liam said. Zayn turned to him once he had picked the basket, “ready to go home, Liam?” who nodded. “We need to see some exotic spices Harry wanted for cooking, see you’ll tomorrow morning?” Louis said, his and Harry’s arms linked, Louis’ head slightly on Harry’s shoulder, the shopping basket in Harry’s other arm. “Sure, later” Liam said as Zayn raised a hand in farewell, Harry imitated the action, then quickly added “you guys better come in for Thursday evening tea and Zayn could you get in those chicken tikkas, they were ace” “will do will do” Zayn said, Liam who had missed these tea times was shocked to see that he too was invited, that it was nothing personal against him, that maybe just maybe it was him who had pushed everyone away.  
They were standing on the cash counter, Liam with basket in hand and Zayn next to him making faces to the baby in front of them, who was making faces back at Zayn just as enthusiastically and laughing. Once the family in front of them was done billing and Liam and Zayn were being cashed, Zayn looked at him and asked “so next week more groceries?” “Definitely” Liam smiled back, Zayn’s smile at that was blinding and Liam thought, maybe grocery stores aren’t that bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really do love these boys but seriously Liam Bear? What sort o a name is that? And Niall and Harry's singles are amazing, Zayns STG video is ace...Louis boo what you doing?  
> Also please leave kudos and feedbacks cause they are always appreciated


	12. One As Strong As You Are Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so if two pairs are present in the same chapter back to back then their timelines are parallel until explicitly defined otherwise.  
> Now on with the chapter, enjoy:

Liam walked in to the smell of spices and yoghurt. He walked in a little further into the house only to see Zayn bent over the counter reading the days newspaper. It was evening , Zayn has always complained that newspapers ought to be an evening concept as nobody had the time in the morning to read them, Liam had to be the bearer of the bad news- ‘the world isn’t run by Zayn Malik’. Zayn had poured cold water over him after that comment and told him- he was Liam’s world and Liam better treat him that way- in the flow of conversation, that had lead to an awkward silence and eventual scurrying to different parts of the house. Coming back to the issue in hand, Liam was dripping from the rain outside, he was leaking on the floor and there Zayn was, bent over the counter, his ass though not much was still sticking in enticing ways. Liam felt sick for thinking of Zayn this way, Zayn had been a good housemate and a great friend, how could Liam fantasize about his ass? Get a grip Payno. He cleared his throat, this got Zayn spinning, which also made Liam realise he was wearing his t shirt, the old faded Batman one,  ~~it stirred something in Liam.~~

“Hey you”, said Zayn with a bright smile “got all of the things?” Liam nodded, Zayn in his t shirt was making it too tough to speak, God knows why. Zayn smiled mischievously and Liam squinted at him questioningly; Zayn was about to say something when he noticed how Liam was dripping on the floor, “Aarghh! Liam! Not on the floor, you want to take a leak take it somewhere else”. Liam smacked him on the shoulder when he was close enough. “Don’t be sassy, smart mouth. It was for your ingredients that I went out, not my fault it started pouring, is it?” Zayn looked at him disdainfully, then took his coat which he had forgotten to take off. He pulled it off Liam’s huge frame, muttering something sounding very similar to- ‘fucking retard, doesn’t take care of himself’-Liam wasn’t sure, he could be guessing the wrong thing. Zayn was about to undo his shirt when he stopped, Liam hadn’t even realised for a full minute why, then smacked himself internally, Zayn and him aren’t in a relationship where Zayn can take off his clothes, ~~though Liam isn't sure how much he minds that anymore~~. “Go, get yourself changed , you are dripping” said Zayn stiffly as he moved away. Liam walked towards the stairwell very slowly still slightly dazed by their proximity of a few seconds ago, then as an afterthought turned around and said “Zayn”, Zayn who had turned around and taken a deep breath, turned startled at Liam still being there instead of upstairs changing, which he so didn’t want to imagine....oh, who was he kidding? It’s one of the few things he imagines most often, others being-Liam smiling at him so hard that his eyes almost shut, Liam ranting to him about daily problems, Liam cooking with him, Liam wanking, Liam on top of him, Liam dominating p... yeah well, you get the gist. “You look better in it than I ever did” Liam said, Zayn immediately knew what Liam was talking about, smiled and looked around shyly. Liam gave him a wink and went up the stairwell. Zayn stood there for a few minutes smiling like a fool and realised how he must look, if Louis could see him he’d laugh his ass off and call him a girls blouse. Zayn believed in showing affection, always had been very affectionate but even Zayn realised this wasn’t affection but Zayn being a pathetic sap, for God's sake Zayn’s heart had skipped a beat when Liam had winked at him, oh, fuck it Louis wasn’t going to say anything in this situation cause Zayn was going to willingly hand over his man-card after the pathetic heart beat skip situation. Zayn got himself under control, after all there was still work to do, dinner to cook, chicken to be made for tomorrow evening’s tea time-Harry would kill him if he didn’t get them. Zayn broke out of his reverie and moved towards the kitchen, smile still in place.

Liam came down, sweatpants and t-shirt on, his hair slightly damp, it was really starting to grow out, Zayn had noticed, ~~he'd like to tug on it.~~  Zayn shifted a glass of warm milk that he had prepared while Liam was changing towards him tentatively at which Liam raised an eyebrow, “My dad used to give it to me and Doniya all the time, you know after we got wet in the rain, I guess to save you from falling ill?” Zayn replied. Liam looked at him one more moment then gulped down the entire contents of the glass in one go, Zayn picked up a kitchen towel and wiped away the moustache that had been formed just above Liam’s upper lip, he then turned around starting to light the stove to prepare the chicken. Pouring slight oil he let it warm, Liam leaned on the counter  
“You know, I don’t think anyone has done that for me since I was five”  
“No?” Zayn asked, his heart clenched for this beautiful boy who had not been taken care of in the manner he deserved  
“No, not really...I mean in my house we were expected to learn things faster, you know so that we could be independent and all that.” Zayn nodded, in his house till date, even after all he had put them through Trisha and Yaser spoil him endlessly, it was one of the reasons he behaved like a princess sometimes. Harry, Louis and Josh had also been introduced to his liking to being called princess in private after a heavy night of drinking, they had teased him relentlessly about it. Louis still sometimes would call him princess and smack his bum at which Zayn would have to just roll his eyes. There was a slight silence and then, “how is Doniya?” Liam asked and in that moment Zayn realised how little they knew about each other. So Zayn told him everything he could remember about Doniya off the top of his head in the moment while turning the chicken in the pan-about how Doniya was his confidant, how she always helped him with his art and could be a mother hen at times, though not a bigger one than Safaa, how she hated the rains but was always the first one to run out when it started, about how she had found a soulmate and had gleefully stayed up all night with Zayn, both of them giggling over her future with him, how she had comforted him when he thought he’d never get anyone after Waliyah found a soulmate before him, the way she held him after a few particularly bad incidences (“none of which I want to remember right now, Liam”)- and Liam was a good listener, always had been, he heard all the small things about Zayn and his elder sister with rapt attention, couldn’t help but remember his own family, he hadn’t met them in so long now, last being the funeral. Zayn had switched the flame off, the kitchen smelled of spices and had Liam’s mouth watering just at the sight of it-he had to learn how to make those, Zayn better teach him. There was comfortable silence enveloping them while Zayn hummed a song, packed the chicken in Tupperware containers and slotted them in the fridge. Liam had corrections to do but for some reason he was rooted to the spot, he didn’t want to leave this place, Zayn and walk away. For the first time Zayn had just let his guard down and let Liam see him for who he was and God damn it Liam was not going to let this moment go.  
“When I was growing up I went to a public school” Liam said, Zayn who was bent over behind the fridge door looked at him straightening up after the last box had been kept, Liam hopped onto the counter and Zayn slid all the way to the ground his eyes- wide and curious- never once leaving Liam, Zayn knew somewhere that this fragile moment would be a turning point in his relationship with Liam, he had a feeling this was important. Liam cleared his throat, then tried again  
“You know, I went to the public high school, the one behind the Deli. That weird looking one, with the red bricks?”  
“You are from Wolverhampton?” Zayn asked, this was news to him, the rest of them were all from different parts of the British Isle so he had presumed Liam was also an outsider like the rest, after all, hadn’t he only ever seen him with the boys? Surely if he was a local he'd have been more popular among the folks. Wolverhampton was a small place that way. Liam smiled sadly, then nodded.  
“Born and brought up. For sometime we moved to London, me and Danielle that is. To go to University, but that never reached completion.” Zayn took a sharp breath on Danielle’s name, this was the first time Liam had even mentioned her in front of Zayn and Zayn wasn’t jealous but he was scared, scared that he’d realise he was nothing compared to Danielle, scared that no matter how had he tried he'd fall short, scared that no matter what he did Liam couldn’t like him in the way he did Danielle. Liam didn’t notice the sharp intake or if he did he continued anyway.  
“Me and Dani we met when we were three-ya, pretty young” he added when Zayn looked at him, eyes wide like saucers. Well wasn’t that young? And here Zayn had been waiting for Liam for 23 years. “You know, nothing special, just took up by the water one day, didn’t even realise what had happened, I mean come on we were just babies, you don’t realise that kind of shit that young.” Zayn was sure if he had found Liam, no matter what the age, he'd just know it, know that Liam was perfect, how did Danielle not? Well to each their own, Zayn thought. “By the time we realised the magnitude of what had happened, it didn’t matter, we had been best friends since three and in high school, well, in high school we dated, for a bit” Zayn looked at him confused “ok, I don’t know, we dated for all of it but Dani was really cool and popular and I wasn't” Liam said, his eyes lowered as though it was his fault, how cool could somebody even be in high school? Zayn thought, definitely not cool enough to get that look in Liam’s eye's, but he waited, waited for Liam to continue. “See we dated for all of it but by the time 2 years passed and we went in for junior year Danielle tried to help me become cool. You know every one eventually finds their soulmate, most of them in high school, but Danielle was so good and pretty, you know she was a model for a bit?” Zayn shook his head, he didn’t know that. He had seen pictures of her around the house and while he had never talked about it the first time he saw a pic of her and Liam in the house it hard broken his stupid heart, shattered it. “Well she was, almost every guy wanted her, they never understood why she was with me, I didn’t either” Zayn could feel his chest clenching, he wanted to scream, tell Liam he was perfect. “She tried to make me popular too, you know would tell me things I should do like build a body, attend more parties, stop on the comics but I was stupid, so stupid, never could change myself. She was popular and I wasn’t, so she eventually just gave up. After two years of high school she decided we should take a break, lie low, soooooo.... I wouldn’t tell anyone we were dating and she no more introduced me as her boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong, we were still together but Dani had an image to maintain and I didn’t really fit it, it was my fault. Anyway long story short, no matter how hard Danielle tried somebody or the other would get to me before she could.” Liam moved his t shirt to cover his collar bones but Zayn didn’t miss the action, he had seen those marks when he had once seen Liam shirtless, they were three round burnt brown spots, slightly darker at the edges- cigarette marks. Zayn felt a drop of tear roll down his cheekbones when he realised the implication. Liam looked up with a wistful smile “Well guess she saved me from the worst of it, told her friends to lie off it whenever she could. And I learnt how to defend myself eventually, got that body she asked me to, though never became a popular jock like she wanted for me.”  
“Zayn? Hey, donut? Hey are you crying? Why are you crying?” Liam rushed to where Zayn was sitting on the floor when he realised Zayn’s eyes were watery, slowly leaking tears, his nose red. Liam held him tightly . Zayn just stayed there taking in Liam’s scent, Liam was nice about not mentioning his steadily soaking t shirt. “I'm sorry I upset you” Liam said trying to move away but Zayn clung to his t shirt slightly stretching it away from his body in the process. “Why would they do that?” Zayn asked looking into Liam’s eye's, there faces meagre inches away but none of them moving in or out. “I don’t know.”  
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Zayn asked his fingers lightly brushing the marks on his collar bones.  
“Because look, now it’s gone ahead and upset you. It’s not worth the time or pain. It’s not worth your tears” Liam said. At that Zayn pushed himself up slightly and held on fiercely to Liam then spoke, his mouth next to Liam’s ear:  
“You listen to me Liam Payne, I don’t care what you think or believe. I am and always will be here. I want your pain if it helps you. If it’s a part of you it’s a part of me. You get it? I am in this, whether you like it or not, you are stuck with me forever and a day” he said the last part looking directly into Liam’s eye’s, holding Liam’s face in his hands. Liam nodded shakily, eyes wide at Zayn’s intensity. There faces were close enough for Zayn to kiss Liam but he wouldn’t do that, couldn’t even if he wanted to, Liam still loved Danielle too much.

 

As Zayn lay in his bed that night he thought of all things Liam had said. Zayn realised that Liam was even more broken than him. At least he knew the relationship he had been in was toxic and abusive, Liam was oblivious to it. But Zayn had always been kind and he had, he really had tried to like Danielle but if she had treated his Leeyum like that he couldn’t help but not like her. Zayn wasn’t going to go as far to say that he hated her cause he had been soft that way, never really hated on anybody except his wanker ex. He wasn’t going to tell Liam anything about what he felt of his and Danielle’s relationship, after all, Liam wasn’t ready for it and Zayn was ok waiting.  
There was a knock on his door, “come in” Zayn said, already knowing who was on the other side. Liam walked in, looked at Zayn then said “mind if we share a bed? Couldn’t sleep tonight. Promise I'll be on my side.” Wish that side was on top of me, Zayn thought then groaned internally, so much sexual frustration and all this proximity with Liam doesn’t help. Zayn smiled sitting up a bit, then patted to the other side of the bed and Liam quickly jumped in, snuggling his feet under the covers. Liam smiled at him, then turned to his side and adjusted himself into sleeping position, Zayn doing the same. The night and silence then engulfed them, Liam on his side and Zayn at his, both still wide awake, both pretending to sleep, both thinking of Liam’s past.  
Zayn who had been thinking on it for a while decided he too should start sharing significant life events with Liam if they were really going to be stuck together. Even if the start is just with small random things  
“When I was five, me and my family went fishing, I was young and you know we took these trips that I always loved with my dad driving and whistling some tune. That time was no different, my mum was expecting Waliyah and my dad decided on one last round before she was too pregnant to move, so we went. My mum, dad, Doniya and I. We were in the middle of the lake and I was trying to look over into the water while my mum was resting, my dad fishing and Doniya was... I don’t even know what she was trying to do” he smiled a little, he could hear shuffling and turned a bit himself, now both Liam and him facing each other, “I guess she was trying to do jazz hands and sing some song she had heard on my dad's old stereo. Anyway, I was looking over and I guess I bent too far cause the next thing I know was I splashed head on into the water. I wasn't the best swimmer, not much of a swimmer at all actually. My dad jumped in a moment later and pulled me out but for that one moment....that moment it was like my heart stopped and there wasn't...there wasn't enough air in my lungs and I was choking. I hate big water bodies ever since then, couldn't look at a pool without being nauseous. Hated the idea of water bodies, you know- thalassophobia.” Liam nodded, listening raptly, he had moved in closer, legs entwined in Zayn’s under the sheets. “I can’t swim” Zayn said in a small voice. Liam knew how Zayn must be feeling, knew too well the fear of being incompetent due to small flaws. He pulled Zayn’s arms towards himself and played with Zayn’s knuckles.  
“I could teach you”  
“No, no please I just... I don’t ... I can’t ...please don’t” Zayn said, looking at Liam panicked.

“Hey, hey it’s ok, it’s fine, we don’t need to do it if you don’t want to... I'll get you an inflatable pool if we ever want to go for a swim” Liam said smiling.  
“So what? You my sugar daddy?” Zayn said.  
Liam moved in closer and put an arm around Zayn’s slight waist, Zayn didn’t think he realised what he was doing, as he tried to move away Liam slightly tightened the grip and Zayn smiled into Liam’s chest. If you asked Liam why he was holding onto Zayn, he couldn’t answer, all he knew was that after this long, exhausting day he needed the support and Zayn was a fucking lifeline to Liam. Liam hadn’t talked about Danielle since her death to anybody except in the fight with Louis, which wasn’t really talking. Zayn snuggled a bit closer .(What can he say? He was cold.)

“Tell me something nice” Zayn said.  
“What?”  
“I don’t know, anything. I don’t want to go to sleep with sad thoughts.”  
Liam pulled him just that bit closer at hearing Zayn’s confession. “When I was a boy, around 7 or 8 I loved watching television , but you know being a kid I was never allowed to see it past dinner. So this one time my parents and sister had gone to visit my mum’s cousin or something and they told me I could stay home alone cause I was a big and strong boy. I was so excited, I remember eating candies after dinner and watching television because no one could say anything. I fell asleep on the couch and I guess my parents moved me to my room at some point at night, I woke up with a tummy ache”, Liam now smiled fondly at the young memory. Zayn smiled at the thought of a young Liam overexcited and so very happy, happier than Zayn had probably ever seen him, his heart clenched but this time it was out of fondness for the boy who had him wrapped in his arms and probably even around his finger. “That’s not the best part though, I saw Notting Hill and realised what boobs were, pretty educative.” Liam smiled broadly, chin over Zayn’s head when he felt Zayn shaking slightly with laughter.  
“You learn from the best”  
“ Really do, Hugh Grant was so discreet about checking them fun bags the next morning” Liam said with mock smugness. Zayn kept giggling and after a few minutes both there breathing started to even out, slowly making both drowsy  
“ I want to build a cookie fort with you”  
“Only if it’s Oreos”  
“Oreos at over rated”  
“You are over rated”  
“ Nice comeback, Payno”  
“Shut it, Mr. Smart Ass.”  
“Goodnight Leeyum”  
Liam hummed “love when you call me that” sleeping.  
“What?” Zayn asked, but Liam was already asleep, arm dead weight on Zayn’s waist. Zayn couldn’t have slept more satisfied, small smile on his face as he snuggled his face into the crook of Liam’s neck.

“You know I'm just worried” Louis said, popping the brussel sprouts into his mouth. “Lou, he will have to accept Zayn at some point in time and personally if you ask me they have made tremendous progress” Harry replied confidently, though he was playing around with his food on the plate. “Accept him? It’s not as though he was given some bad fate. It’s Zayn, our Zaynie, much better than that bitch...” Harry gave him a look “what? She was a bitch, I'm not going to filter my mouth to your liking Haz.”  
“I prefer saying she had different hopes and aspirations as opposed to Liam and she wanted something else in life. She seeked out what she thought was valuable to her, she was young and come on it wasn't all her fault, it was us too.”  
“Bitch.”  
“Lou...” Harry groaned.  
“No Haz, I'm tired of you...of us taking the blame, it wasn’t our fault. It was her, all her. We didn’t force her and even before we came into their life you and I both know she was horrible to Liam, no matter what he says.”  
“ We gave her a reason...”  
“Reason???!!!!” Louis yelled, “ reason???! That’s like saying people should be raped when their clothes are too short. Consent is consent. She was stupid if she didn’t get that.”  
Harry groaned “I don’t want to fight, love. Can we not talk about it?”  
Louis huffed, bordering on saying something rebellious but then dropped it. He went back to his food, after a few minutes of silence and the only sound being Louis’ fork against the plate he said “eat your dinner Hazza, don’t want you going to bed hungry.” Harry smiled, Louis, even a pissed and angry Louis cared too much about Harry, even all those years ago, he had.  
“Do you want to watch some telly?” Harry asked after dinner. “Nah, I have lesson’s to plan for.” Harry nodded, then went and set himself on the couch. Around ten minutes later Louis came in, files in hand and glasses in place. He sat next to Harry, making himself comfortable while Harry shifted around to make more room for him. Louis silently worked on his lesson plan while Harry watched television on low volume, sometimes both of them laughing when something hilarious happened, otherwise just enjoying each others company. When Louis was done with his work, he looked across to see Harry soundly asleep, soft puffs of air leaving his mouth and disturbing the few curls on his face. Louis got up, set his things aside and pulled Harry completely on the couch, so he was properly slept. He went around covering Harry in a blanket and putting pillows under his head. He then set the alarm next to Harry with a glass of water in case he was thirsty at night and set the other couch up for himself, as if they'd ever sleep in separate rooms. It was only in the darkest of times that Louis had left Harry alone and there was nothing he ever regretted more. No, he and Harry were soulmate, till death do them part. He went over one last time, when he looked at Harry's face there was a sleepy mischievous smile playing on it, wanker had gotten Louis to do all this work.  
“Love ya Boo Bear.”  
“Love you too Hazza.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, I'd like to thank all of you'll for all the love, comments, kudos and reads. I'm forever thankful :)  
> Second, I need a few opinions:  
> I've already decided on Yaser and Trisha's characterization but do you'll want me to have mean Karen and Geoff (towards Zayn) or good ol' kind Karen and Geoff? (Don't worry there's a lot of time till they come in, but I'd like to know what you feel)  
> ALSO, next chapter would you'll like to know what happened with Danielle, why Harry says what happened is there fault and yada yada? Please let me know. :) xoxo  
> Please leave kudos, comments and subscribe cause that is always appreciated :)


	13. There Are A Lot Of People In The Crowd But Only You Can Dance With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so first off, thank you for all the nice comments last chapter... you'll keep me going seriously. Also loads of drama gets out in this chapter, like it's an overload cause of loads of Liam's past unravelling. On with the chapter then, please enjoy:

**__**

Zayn started getting tensed only when the clock struck quarter past seven and Liam still hadn’t come down for breakfast. In the last three weeks they had set up a routine for themselves, Zayn would make them breakfast while Liam cleaned around the house. Taking a bath, eating breakfast and getting ready-it was all a set routine. But that Tuesday when Liam refused to even open the door Zayn started slowly ascending the flight of steps after fussing with the couch and cushions for a bit.

 

 

 

“Liam?” Zayn asked, tentatively knocking at the door. No reply. Zayn slightly pushed the door to see Liam’s figure bent over on himself upon his bed, slight sobs wracking his body. “Liam!” Zayn rushed to him, crouched on the floor, prying away Liam’s palm from the front of his face. Liam’s eye’s were blood shot and watery, as though he had cried too much for too long. His face was blotchy and his lips were too red, like they were bitten one too many times. “Leeyum?” Zayn tried, this time softer and that’s when Liam came crumbling down figuratively and quite literally. He slipped from his place on the bed, clung on to Zayn with all his might and started sobbing “it’s been a year....It's... been...its too....Zayn I...”   
“Shhh...Hush Liam it’s ok...its fine, its all going to be okay... you want go see her?” Zayn feels the slightest nod against his neck, “Okay, Okay you go see her today ok? No worries, I'll cover up for you, its fine everyone will get it. It’s going to be okay” he said softly into Liam's ears while cradling him in arms. Liam was too large to be enveloped by Zayn but he still felt safe. After a few moments Zayn started removing his arms while saying “I'll get going then okay? I'll go to school and inform Josh and there's breakfast in the kitchen and I'll try to be home slightly early to cook you some lunch okay? I'll make some tea before leaving, fine?” Zayn said as he looked into Liam's eyes, a slight bit of sorrow in his own. As he started to get up from the ground and away from Liam, a pair of hands caught his wrist. He looked down to see Liam staring at him with wide brown eyes, so vulnerable and Zayn could see a much younger boy on the floor in that moment. He dipped back to the floor again, “don't go, please don’t go, stay with me, come with me tonight please? I don’t want to go all alone. Please.” Liam said in a broken voice. Zayn could feel a lump in his throat, his eyes threatening to spill tears, Liam had never been this desperate for him to be around, never had Liam needed him and the one time that he did need him this bad it obviously had to be Danielle’s death anniversary. But how could he say no? Hadn’t he always been a fool for Liam? Hadn’t Liam always been too good for him? He wasn't going to be able to deny Liam anything including his life, so he nodded shakily and Liam again buried himself into Zayn's arms, sobs still wracking his body.

 

 

Most of the day had been quite, there were no other words to describe it. Zayn had called up Louis to inform him that he would be indisposed as Liam needed him. Louis on his part had been understanding but had also warned Zayn to not start getting too attached to a man who was in love with the ghost of a girl, chances were he might never fall for Zayn. That’s one thing Zayn loved about Louis, he kept things short and straight forward, he wouldn’t sugar coat things to your liking and people like Zayn who were dreamers needed that to stay in touch with reality. Zayn had made endless cups of tea most of which had been left only half drunk, Liam had slept through most of the day and past having breakfast he had desperately needed Zayn to stroke his hair, put his head on Zayn’s lap and snuggle into him so he could sleep. Zayn felt useful and loved by the man he wanted with all his heart, even if just for a bit. At around 7 in the evening Liam came down bundled up in a coat, Zayn who had been ready for the past half hour was drinking a cup of tea while flipping through the paper's that he needed to check, another time then. Zayn got up quickly, grabbed the home and car keys and hurried out into the snow with Liam following.

 

 

The ride to the cemetery was a short one, also a quite one, Zayn expected this... I mean what could they really say to each other? Danielle's grave had a marble white headstone with a ‘that's all folks’ engraved on it with her name (which had stayed Peazer, they weren’t married) , 1994-2016, beloved daughter, friend and soulmate, ~~that pinched something in Zayn's chest, a part that said Liam was his~~. Liam was looking from afar, not coming close, eyes full of fear. Zayn was standing right next to the headstone and looked at Liam, few feet further away, not even ready to come near the grave sight. There were a few fancy flowers lying in front of the headstone. Frankly, Zayn could name all of them due to his father's avid love for exquisite flowers, even though there pay check had hardly ever allowed that- there were dandelions, a fair few orchids, no roses (Thank God for that) and a single long middlemist red in the lot. Zayn looked back at Liam, who was also holding a middlemist in his hand, probably Danielle's favourite flower or something, Zayn wondered who had bought that other one, probably her parents or someone. When Zayn realised that Liam was rooted to his spot and was not going to be moving any time soon if left to his own devices he slowly made his way to him. Entwining their fingers together, while Liam kept looking at the grave and Zayn giving Liam's face the same treatment as he slowly started moving backwards, this time Liam in tow. Liam's face was devoid of any colour, his eyes misty and teared up slightly, there was a visible downward fall on his lips. After one point, around 5 steps away from the grave Liam again stopped, not ready to cooperate with Zayn. “Leeyum” Zayn moaned lowly, the sky above them though clear had started to change to lilac and shades of twilight. Liam again started moving at being called upon, this time they made it to the grave, he slowly pulled the middle mist out of his hand and bent over and put it there, then put his hand in his own trench coats pocket and removed a wreath made out of orchids and a few stray vines that Zayn had found at the florist, as he didn’t have much to do today Zayn had decided to make Danielle the wreath cause she deserves it- not just for keeping Liam safe but also happy when Zayn wasn’t here in his life, for all her faults Zayn believed that internally she was a wonderful woman- quick witted and charming. 

 

When Zayn moved away Liam saw the wreath and for the first time in the whole day there was the slightest semblance of a smile on his face- a fond one. “Zayn, its beautiful, did you do that?” Zayn shrugged, Danielle deserved it, she was strong and fierce, Zayn was sure and Zayn's mum had always taught him that in any occasion even if the item being given may not have much value financially , it should always be given from the heart, made from love and kindness, a sense of personalisation. It should make the person always feel loved and special, as though they are cared for and Zayn would never give a gift that was otherwise. Liam slowly sat down on the ground , Zayn followed, they both sat in silence looking at Danielle's grave, the flowers before them, Zayn, who hadn't even known Danielle had made her something personal, something Liam had not had the capacity or mind to do. After a few minutes Liam spoke up, breaking the companionable silence :

 

 

“When we moved back to Wolverhampton, me and Dani it was because after a few shows Dani couldn’t get a kick start in modelling, so she started getting pissy and cranky. I used to be out all day, back in London, you know, its a busy city, expensive too, I had a job to keep, Uni classes to attend and the bills and rents wouldn’t get paid themselves, right? So I’d work, all day and late into the night. I guess...I guess I never realised how far me and Dani had drifted. We used to talk still, obviously we did but it was the smaller things you know? Like we wouldn’t go out for dinners, because I was too tired or she was too irritable. We stopped kissing each other in the morning, we wouldn't talk about our days to each other. For the first time in my life I met boys who liked me, had a group of friends, nobody you know, bullied me. They all liked Dani but it was platonic, they didn’t lust after her, didn’t despise or look me down for having someone as great as her, I was happy. But the thing was, even being open about our relationship, which I thought would help didn’t actually do much for us. We were still fighting at home and she'd still want me to change in ways I didn’t know, I loved her still and I guess, I mean hope that at least back then she still loved me too, despite all the fighting and raging wars. I mean we would hear each other but we'd never actually listen. So, one day about two years after moving to London I came back to a packed up apartment. Dani told me she'd sold a few of the items and whatever was saved up to get a ticket back to Wolverhampton because this was a fruitless quest, that we weren’t meant for a big city like London, that she just wanted to go back home and that's what we must do, that the train was for the following morning. And I? I just agreed. Because that’s what you do right? When you love each other you adjust.” Zayn didn’t feel so, Zayn felt this wasn’t adjustment, it was compromise on Liam's part but he didn’t voice his thoughts out loud, didn’t want Liam to feel he was pitying him, knew the feeling too well himself, he just sat there and listened. “I remember going to our bedroom and packing my clothes, I packed most of it in daze, couldn’t understand what was happening and why the sudden change of mind, but I went with it anyway.”

 

 

“ There on I took the profession of teaching because there isn't much a college drop out can do and that’s where I met Louis, great chap but you know he'd lost his mum around less than a year ago and was all fucked up about it, understandable. And we called them over for dinner to our place, Dani had taken up the job of a barista and she insisted I call my friends. The house was obviously much quieter with just the two of us, I guess I didn’t even realise how far we had moved away until we moved back to Wolverhampton where things are quieter, where the finances are less burdening and we aren’t always surrounded by blind white sound. We were trying to build us up again, or I think we were, I guess we moved away too much to come back, anyway safe to say, we were trying. But after that one dinner Dani was totally enthralled by Harry, who wouldn't be? You know, he was charming, smiled and I guess in a long time... I guess Dani felt that someone was actually listening to her, that she wasn’t just trying to mend a broken relationship with someone who I guess she didn’t even care for that much at that given point of time. Hate can do that to you, you know that Zayn? Hate is strong, but sometimes indifference to loved ones, its stronger” Liam said, looking at Zayn. He just nodded, looking at him with soft eyes, he thought he had an idea where this story was going. “Anyway, Harry and Louis were going through their own issues back then, Louis drank too much, smoked up and in general was negligent but I guess I realised how much they loved each other back then too, cause no matter what Louis would never intentionally hurt Harry and Harry, oh, was that boy kind and endlessly forgiving, never once gave up on Louis, even on his worst days. Me and Dani, we hardly had half their problems”, Zayn had over time even picked this up about Liam, he always played down his own problems, making them unimportant as though they didn’t account for anything. “Harry and Dani over the next six months got very close, so did me and Louis, you know Louis was troubled so was I, I guess we were both kindred spirits. He told me everything, how he missed his mum, how he hated what he had become, how Harry was the only reason he wasn’t killing himself. On the other hand back home I could feel me and Danielle becoming distant, I knew who was comforting her, knew that she was getting slowly smitten by somebody who could never truly be hers, had never meant to lead her on and was only trying to help, but I guess I thought I could reign her, keep her from harming the few people who had come to mean the world to me, had accepted me for me in a place like Wolverhampton, had made this place home for me again. I guess Louis knew too, nah, I don't guess, I know Louis knew it, always had. He knew all about me and Dani, how we were moving away, how she was trying to lure a boy who was actually his, his soulmate. He hated her.” Zayn thought he understood why, but he couldn’t help but defend Danielle, think of how she might have been having her own issues, how she couldn’t help falling for someone not her soulmate, he then remembered who the said soulmate was, Liam. He realised he reciprocated Louis’ feelings. “You know there are a lot of things I wish I hadn't said to Dani, a lot of bitterness and hate that could have been stopped? Dani always went on about how Louis was incompetent and how less he cared for his partner, I defended him obviously I did, but the thing was I never felt the need to stop Danielle, never once told her to shut up and not be so petty cause she couldn’t have something she wanted, a first in her life, I guess I still loved her too much, between all the hate there was still so much love, there were good days and bad. And here's the thing Zayn, you hope, you hope against hope that someone will change, that no matter what maybe, just maybe they'll come back to you and maybe even love you again. Anyway one night, I guess the last night, the night before Louis started recovering he came over, say right after dinner? He was banging like he was going to break the door down and I go out to a soaked to the bone Louis, eyes full of tears. After an hour of cuddling and sniffling, multiple cups of tea later he told me he and Harry had a fight. Harry had accused him of cheating, he had conceded to it in rage said if that’s what Harry thought then that’s exactly what he'd do and had left home. You know Louis never cheated on him, he slept on my couch all night? Was up for most of it” Liam's voice had softened here, he had a small fond smile gracing his features, thinking about Louis and how he had never let Harry down no matter what. “I guess Dani had heard the conversation, or at least what she needed to and some point in the night left, I hadn’t cared much at that point, another vital flaw, I should have asked. So the next morning we woke up and Louis asked me to drive him home straight away first thing that morning, told me he needed Harry, had to apologise.”

 

 

“I remember walking into their house, Zayn, I remember going there and that scene, I still sometimes go back there, go back like I'm again standing in that room, Dani forcing her hands into Harry's pants,” Zayn gasped at that but Liam ignored him, or was too preoccupied in his mind to notice anything “I could see Harry was trying to let her off, gently push her as far as he could, he clearly didn’t want it and Danielle was being harsher than I'd ever seen her, that look of determination, her begging Harry to do her, to be with her, how they’d be happier, how she could give him the world, how Louis was trash, didn’t treat him right, was actually cheating on him, some lie about how she'd seen it with her own eyes and then telling him she never wanted me, she deserved more, I hadn’t ever seen Louis in more rage, I could see how he hated Danielle from every pore in his body” Zayn took Liam's hand and squeezed it, he couldn’t help his actions, Liam pressed right back, then moved so he was looking right into Zayn's eyes. “Later Harry said that it was equally his fault too, how he had been overly affectionate and his body language could easily be misinterpreted, how Danielle and I deserved another chance at happiness. But how many chances can you give someone? Why would you give someone a chance who you know innately somewhere doesn’t even deserve it. I guess after that it was just pretence. I don’t know what happened with Louis and Harry, but they resolved there differences and made peace with their thing. Don’t know why these things work for some people, some couples no matter what know how to stay connected. Why do some couples not survive Zayn? Why can’t they stay forever like the others?” Liam asked, he looked so vulnerable, so young, his eyes full of sadness, couldn’t even contain the sadness in his eyes as they slowly rolled down his cheek. “I don’t know” Zayn said softly, in the past hour this is the first time he had spoken. “I guess... I guess when you love someone you love them forever. People fall out of trust , intimacy and respect, not love. I guess, some people are meant to fall in love but not stay together.” Even as Zayn said this he could feel his heart shatter. This was Liam he was talking about, someone who belonged to him but he didn’t really, did he? He had always been in love with Danielle, not Zayn, never Zayn. They stay like that, the sky turning a deep violet above them, the air becoming considerably cooler, minutes and slowly half an hour passed until Liam got up, his and Zayn's hand still entwined, “Let’s go.” Zayn looked up from where he was sat on the ground, his hair out of his usual quiff and instead splayed on his forehead. He stood up and followed behind Liam, this time opposite of how they'd come, with Liam leading and Zayn following like a lost puppy, hands entangled in each other. As they moved towards the cemetery gate, the slow breeze fluttering the trench coat, none of them noticed how the wreath on the grave shifted towards Liam's middlemist along the wind.

 

 

In the car, the heat was turned up slightly, even for summers there was a slight chill to the wind. Liam had his cheek pressed to the window looking out, while Zayn was driving. Liam slowly creeps his hand to the stereo and turned it on, Clapton started playing on the station, Wonderful Tonight. Zayn smiled slightly, “my parents dance to it every New Year's Eve” he said. Liam looked at him, 

 

“You spend your New Year’s with parents?”

“Every single one, except this one. Wasn’t close enough to drive back, Doniya and mum gave me so much shit for it, Dad suggested they could come down. I guess I was a little caught up in my own things but I miss my mum's Bolognese.”  
“We could make Bolognese. I don’t know how to, but you could do it, I can get the ingredients. Make a dinner of it with Harry, Louis, Josh and Niall.”  
“ Really? You won’t mind me dirtying your kitchen and making you run for all my ingredients.”  
“The chicken was fun. I liked it.”  
“ It won’t be like my mum’s.”  
“ You miss her too much?”  
“Not really, I mean obviously I do but not much as I did in the initial days. Louis and Harry are like family and Josh is like my mum, they don’t let me miss them too much.”  
“Hmmmmm” Liam said, his voice slightly cracking mid way.  
“You make it good, you know? They make it more than enough but you make it good.”  
Liam looked at Zayn, only to see him looking back. “You do” Zayn said eyes crinkling into a smile. Liam looked at him for longer than normal, when had Zayn's smile started having enough brightness to light up rooms? When he realised what he was doing he coughed awkwardly and started looking out of the window again.   
As they reached Liam's driveway and Zayn parked, they stayed like that, sitting in the car, lights turned off, engine down. “It was Harry, the other middlemist, I know you were wondering who it was, it was Harry, he does that because he feels guilty or I don’t know, he was one of her best friends.” Zayn just sat I silence, looking straight ahead in the dark, there wasn't much he could say, Harry wasn’t at fault, never had been. “You know what you said in the cemetery, about love and never falling out of it actually but just losing parts of the relationship?” Liam asked turning towards Zayn, “well, you know the only thing harder than losing someone you love? It’s being with them and slowly drifting apart and knowing there's nothing you can do about it, no matter how hard you try. I mean why would you hurt someone who's only intention was to love you? I only wanted to love her and grow old with her, that’s it. Was it too much I asked for? Too much to do? Was I that bad?” Zayn turns to look at Liam, his eyes were leaking tears and his face had turned ugly in rage, his fists clenched, Zayn wanted to hug him, to say he was enough, more than enough. That he need not hurt, that no, wanting someone to simply love you back is not too much to ask for, but he didn’t, he just simply sat there letting Liam vent it out, probably for the first time in his life. “ I guess... I guess sometimes you just have to give up on people, not cause you don’t care anymore, but because they don't. You know some people, they'll act like they care, or maybe even they do but they'll suck you into their hellish world if you let them. They will keep you there forever- drama after drama, as their emotional support, as their prisoner.” Zayn was shocked to hear the harsh words dropping from Liam's mouth, how he talked about Danielle, the woman he had endlessly loved and protected from so many accusations, who he had never given up on, not even in death, Zayn for the first time realise that maybe Liam did know how toxic his relationship was, more so than the rest of their world but he acted oblivious because maybe it hurt less. Liam’s eyes were now rolling the unshed tears, his face gone blotchy as he looked at Zayn, eyes red and lips puffy. Liam was looking at Zayn's lips, which he was biting in contemplation, Liam licked his lips and leaned in closer, there breath fanning each others faces, Liam closed his eyes moving in closer when suddenly Zayn just went all in and hugged him. Zayn didn’t want his first kiss with Liam to be because he was too sad and depressed and needed support and hence used Zayn for that. Zayn couldn’t be Danielle for Liam, he knows Liam can’t leave Danielle but what Zayn can be is a good friend, a good listening ear, he can hug Liam when things get too harsh and hold his hand in bad weather but he can’t let himself fall any deeper in love with Liam, not like he thinks it possible but falling in any deeper and Zayn wouldn’t be able to let go, he will cling to Liam and will want to breath his air and he won’t be able to stand Liam's rejection and him walking away from Zayn, so Zayn would be a friend, not because he wanted to but because there wasn't another way out of it. Liam clung to Zayn's shirt, teeth sinking slightly into his shoulder as drool flowed onto the shirt, Liam was shaking in his arms. “Hey, you'll get through this Ok? We’ll get through this, I’m here, right here, don’t worry shhh babe, it’s ok” Zayn said rocking Liam slightly in his arms, after a few moments Liam said “Donut, can we share your bed tonight? Don’t feel like sleeping in mine.” Zayn choked up slightly, Liam had started calling him that to what now seemed ages ago, in front of his classroom and that quiet lunch together, when he had try to push Liam away for looking too good, but now standing here, knowing what he knows and also knowing that Liam is more beautiful on the inside than his outside how was he going to push him away? “Ya, for however long you want you can stay there” Zayn said, eyes misty knowing Liam could never truly love him.

 X--------------------X-----------------X------------------X

Niall got up from his couch, beer bottle in tow as be made his way to the door which had now rung twice “I'm coming!! I’m coming!! don’t get your knickers in a twist mate” Niall said opening the door only to see Josh standing there. Josh gave him a half expectant smile and Niall stared at him passively.  
“Can I come in?”  
“Can you?”  
“May I come in?”  
Niall moved to the side allowing Josh in and then shutting the door, he took a deep breath then turned around to face Josh.   
“How may I help you?”  
Josh took a deep breath in then said, “I'm sorry”  
“Pardon me?”  
“I said I’m sorry, Niallator”  
“Sorry?” Niall sputtered, “Sorry? Is that all you can tell me? After all the bullshit you have been putting me through. Sorry? It’s been 1 week, 3 days Josh”, 5 hours and 43 minutes Josh thought, he too had been counting the minutes, missing Niall. “10 days later, you walk in and say a sorry and expect to be forgiven??!! Sorry??! Sorry is not going to cover it up, sorry for what? What all are you sorry for, because maybe if you start now you can end by, oh I don’t know, let’s say another 10 days? Sorry for mistreating me? Sorry for always walking away from me? Sorry for always blocking me out? Sorry for ruining our date? Which now that we are at the topic of, may I just say I worked pretty fucking hard on? Sorry for what Josh? I don’t want your bloody sorry!” Josh stood there stock still, he had expected Niall to put up a fight, expected him to be frustrated but not expected him to start a row, no Niall wasn’t like that, Josh thought, he must have really hurt him.

 

“I never meant to hurt you, Niall. It’s just I didn’t ever have anyone take care of me, I have been on my own since I was 18, for 7 years I only had me and then you came in,” Niall huffed, Josh realised it might be his last chance to make it up to Niall, that this was his only shot, so he gave it his all, decided, fuck it he was just going to tell Niall the truth. “Niall you came in and you were nothing like what I expected, you were loud and caring and funny and all these things I'd never known someone to be. By the time you came in, I was just a pensive.... am still actually, just a pensive ghost of a man. You came and you cared for my thoughts, you asked me about my day and you told me about yours. You made me these brownies that I'd never known could exist and you went out of your way to find out from Harry about my likes and dislikes as though it wasn’t the most thoughtful thing someone had done for me in 7 years and I panicked ok, I panicked because you were too good because my insecurities never let me see myself with you.” Niall looked at him contemplatively for a few minutes then opened the door again.

 

“I get you have problems, I want to help you but the thing is I can’t, I can't until you let me in. The day you decide you are ready to let me in on you, my door will still be open but till then I need you to go. Could you do that for me please?” Josh didn’t want to leave, wanted to kiss the pain away from Niall’s beautiful face but he also knew that he was genuinely not ready, not ready to give someone a part of his which had build over itself for the past 7 years, that he needed the time. Josh nodded at Niall and started walking out till he turned around and asked “Can we still at least be friends?” Niall smiled “Of course, you always have a friend in me Josh.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH DANIELLE.... I'm sorry for the inappropriate language but seriously BITCH...Aww Josh all will be ok. Ok now though more serious topics, Liam's parents, I want them to be evil, ( because DRAMA AND FLUFF CAN ENSUE IN ZIAM) but most people want nice parents. Please keep putting in your views cause next chap I think they'll come in. Please know your reads, kudos and comments are always appreciated :)


	15. NOT A PART OF THE STORY BUT I'D LIKE TO ADDRESS SOMETHING

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is not related to this story in any way.

Hello,  
To anybody who's reading this firstly thank you- you'll are all lovely and beautiful people  
Now on with what I wanted to talk about:  
I'm pretty sure you all could guess what this is about- yesterday I was too shocked to even comprehend the mass destruction that took place. I'll keep it short and sweet for I can not think of anything intellectual to say, I'm too shocked and shaken.  
To anybody in Manchester, Bangkok and Marawi my heart goes out to you. To all those affected and those who we lost, I'm sorry that this had to happened, I'm sorry that we couldn't make this world safer for you, I'm sorry that you had to go through something no one should go to. I want to tell you that I'm sorry that we humans have never been able to help our fellow humans.  
In times such as these I just want to say- please spread love not hate, terrorism doesn't have a religion, please do not use these incidences to spread vitriol and please keep all those affected in your prayers.  
YOU will be missed dear angel and though I can't do much for I have not much power or finances, I would like to give out the word to anybody listening - love all humans equally and spread it for that's the only way the human race can survive.  
If anyone ever needs someone to talk to please feel free to inbox me and I would love to listen to what is going on in your life. We are all here for you.  
Thank you and may god be with you.


	16. I Think I'm Going To Win This Time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, thank you for all the comments, kudos and reads :D  
> Ok so I had no idea what to write... no inspiration what so ever because I wanted mean parents *wails like a baby*  
> Ok yeah now I'm okay, so here's what I could conjure, it's just loads of Ziam and Karen-Geoff sweetness and an eyeliner with my dorky boys in the mix. Ok, so now enjoy:

The way back from school the next day had been quite, after too many confessions the night before Zayn thought both of them needed the time to process things. As they were three houses away from Liam’s place, Zayn spotted a bright shiny car standing outside the gate, “hmmmm did we have the delivery for new car that I was unaware of?” Zayn asked. Liam groaned, head hitting slightly at the top his car seat, “ugggh...that’s not a delivery.” Zayn looked at him with amusement as Liam’s got a high blush on his cheeks, “that’s me mum and dad”. Zayn lost his amusement at that and jumped in his seat, thank God Liam had forced the God awful seatbelt on him before starting to drive the car.

“Mum and dad?? As in your parents???!!”  
“I mean that's what they are usually, do you have another meaning for it?” Now it was Liam staring at a panicky Zayn in amusement.  
“Parents? OH my god... oh my god... oh my god ... I’m not ready for this... oh my god ... Liam please... Liam turn the car around... Leeyum” Zayn said, all the while violently shaking Liam by his shoulder, either ignoring or not registering Liam's sarcasm in the bouts of his own panic, Liam’s amusement increased ten fold.  
“Zayn calm down, I've told them about you.”  
“Oh my god ... oh man.. oh please Liam... Liam, Liam what if they don’t like me? I don’t want them to not like me ... ugggh these jeans make me look slutty... oh man they were the wrong jeans to wear... oh, they will hate me” said Zayn, finally banging his head on the headboard.  
Liam stared in amusement and fondness for a little bit, then took Zayn’s face in his hands, now that he had parked in the driveway-few more minutes till his parents come out noticing his car, he better be in before that. “Zayn” Liam said looking into his eyes, they were no more awkward with the close proximity, when had he become so used to grabbing Zayn’s face to calm him down Liam wondered “listen to me, okay? They will love you, you are charming and kind and beautiful and they will love you okay?”  
“What if they don’t?”  
“Well, I'll fight them, don’t worry ok?”  
Zayn smiled, his tongue behind his teeth, eyes wrinkled and Liam had to physically push down the urge to lean in and kiss him by holding his face just that little bit tighter. Then Zayn said, still looking at Liam “So you talk about me to your parents?”- cocky bastard. Liam let his palms fall from their place, a blush flushing his face. “Yea well, I mean... I mean... ya... you know.. had to... umm... had to let them... yea” Liam said, a stuttering mess, looking everywhere except at Zayn. Zayn smirked, Liam took a deep breath and said “Let's get in before they come looking for us” getting off hurriedly, “ right behind you Leeyum” said Zayn, slight smirk still in place.

Karen had immediately fallen in love with Zayn, she was a mother like that. So, now they were sat on the couch, Karen softly stroking Zayn’s hair, Geoff on the opposite side on a chair while Liam made them some tea. Zayn was still a little awestruck at Karen’s adoration and was still high on the blush as she bombarded him with random questions, “it really is ever so pretty, oh my, is it genetic? I mean Liam's hair is finally growing out, they are ever so gorgeous, he never let’s it grow usually, god only knows why? But his isn't genetic, nor are they so good” Zayn remembers how Liam had told him once that Danielle preferred it short, the curls made him look childish according to her. Zayn gave a fond smile to Liam, which he totally missed as he was turned towards the kettle, “ ya, he is quite a gorgeous one Karen” he said, turning to face her and giving her the same fond smile. “Oh stop it you, your parents have given birth to one of the finest specimens” said Geoff, his smile just like Liam’s- wide and crinkly eyed, though there were crow feet around his eyes. The kindness in Liam was explainable seeing the warmth his parents reeked- he couldn’t imagine how such a happy family would have left their son with Danielle knowing he was miserable. “Oh don’t dad, Zayn already has his head up in the clouds, don’t inflate his ego anymore” said Liam with no bite, while he poured the tea into mismatched mugs. Geoff laughed along with his wife while Zayn pouted and went to help Liam carry the mugs. “Be nice sweetie” said Karen, chuckling fondly and moving across to her husband as they both squeezed into the same couch. Zayn walked over and took two mugs while Liam took the other two and stuck his tongue out at a pouting Zayn. Liam then moved as though he was going to kiss him on the forehead but stopped mid way realising exactly what he’d be doing, Zayn looked down at his feet and smirked- looks like somebody is melting Zayn thought, smirk in place all afternoon.  
For dinner although Karen cooked, Zayn insisted on helping. “You know Liam can’t even work the microwave” said Karen as Zayn helped her by chopping the meat, they had been sensitive to Zayn's culture and had insisted that they don’t want to have bacon, Zayn knew it was out of consideration for Zayn's culture and he was very touched by the gesture, before Wolverhampton Zayn hadn’t seen people heed much about his culture and norms but people here, or at least his friends and acquaintances here were much more caring and sensitive to Zayn and his feelings for which he was eternally grateful.  
“He can’t make himself cereal properly, working a microwave is big expectations Karen” there was no anger to his words and Zayn knew he sounded like a girls blouse but he couldn’t help it; he adored Liam endlessly, always had always would.  
“Well thank God he got you now then?” Karen said, a slight smirk evident in her voice as she started layering up pieces of meat with the vegetables that Zayn had been cutting into a microwavable dish. Zayn blushes and chose to ignore the comment in favour of cutting some more vegetables now that all the meat was cut. Karen hummed around a bit,  
“What is it?”  
“What?”  
“I know you have something you want to say.”  
“ And why do you think so?”  
“Liam hums just like that when he wants to say something but doesn’t know how to” Zayn said in a bored voice, to which Karen laughed.  
“You know him quite well for someone who met him only three months ago” Karen said, one eyebrow raised as she turned away from the microwave after setting a timer. Zayn blushed, “ I observe”  
“Liam?”  
“Yea...no ... I meant... every one... I observe everyone”  
Karen laughed then said after a slight pause, “I saw you, you know, putting on my eyeliner.” Zayn went tomato red at this, he had tried Karen's eyeliner, which she had by mistake left in the washroom because he had always wanted to try some on as he used to in his early days of college, when he was still happier. Then his relationship had sort of set his life back for a bit and he stopped doing things he liked, started slipping into depression. That morning when he had seen the stick of kohl innocently sitting there he had just thought, what the fuck? And applied it but had soon rubbed it off, what if Liam thought it looked bad? Liam and him had just started progressing and he didn’t want to ruin that, he thought nobody must have noticed it in the short period of time. Apparently not. “You looked beautiful” she said, then took out the stick from the backside of her jeans “keep it.” Zayn tried to protest, opened his mouth to say no he couldn’t possibly take it but Karen just went on “I never gave Danielle my things you know? Never liked her much, even as a kid. Too arrogant for my baby, too mature. Did these things that Liam clearly did not like participating in. But you, you are different, you care for Liam without changing him, you want who he is. People want him for one thing, that’s not him. You don’t change him.” Zayn smiled, eyes crinkling at the corners, looking happy that Karen actually genuinely liked him, that Karen wanted him in Liam’s life, that she hadn’t just ignored Danielle's attitude to Liam and how Zayn wanted nothing but Liam for who he was. “Keep it, I insist, this is my way of showing approval.... Who knows?? Liam might just give you some and you'll may have wild sex against the wall.” Zayn spluttered as Karen laughed loudly, head thrown back.

“Gorgeous wife o’ mine, could we have dinner? We also need to get going” Geoff said, entering the kitchen and bending to kiss his wife on the lips, Liam entering right behind him. “Uggh dad, we eat there” Liam said, nose slightly wrinkled. Geoff turned to Liam, head tilting slightly to one side “ don’t get fussy just because you can’t tell Zayn how hot you think he looks cooking cause of your stupid ego” then went on to kiss his wife again, this time longer and moved back to look at Liam smugly. Zayn looked at Liam , one eyebrow raised in question “I didn’t say thaaaat” Liam said, slight panic evident, definitely said that Zayn thought. “Sure son, sure” said Geoff as the microwave behind beeped. “Okay, okay can the two of you'll at least help yourself to the food? Obviously, once you'll are done being five” said Karen, too used to her husband and sons antics.  
“I was just putting the truth out there.”  
“Muuuum”  
“ Don’t cry to her, you know she's going to take my side, Zayn can defend you.”  
Zayn chuckled then said, “I'm sorry, I'm going to be Team Neutral for this fight”  
“Ah, finally someone to bear this with me. Welcome to the family, love. Oh by the way, I'm team Zayn” said Karen. Liam and Geoff pouted, neither noticing Zayn’s wide smile or the fact that he gripped the spoon in his hand slightly tighter out of delight, ‘welcome to the family’ Zayn thought. Karen noticed and smiled to herself, while putting food on her plate and putting a few extra prices of meat in Zayn's plate, who was the only one she served, Liam and Geoff were given their own plates, they can fend for themselves, Karen thought, had been for so long.

Zayn slowly creeps down the stairs. Karen and Geoff had left earlier in the evening stating that the drive back home was long and they needed to do their ‘old people things’. He had applied the liner and could see Liam lounging on the couch surfing through the television. He slowly walked towards the TV and shut it, back to Liam the whole while making sure Liam didn’t see his kohl rimmed eyes any sooner than necessary.  
“Zaaaaaynnnn...” Liam whined, Zayn then took a deep breath and turned around. “I thought we could spend some time together, maybe even talk?” Zayn asked, eyes hopeful and voice sounding slightly shaky. Liam just stared at Zayn, mouth slightly agape, no other visible reaction on his face. Zayn squirmed a little, then said while stuttering a bit “Oh yea... yea well... the kohl... well Karen... I mean Karen thought it looked... I mean at least she... she said that it looked nice... I mean she just... she just gave it to me I... I couldn't say no ... I just...” Liam was still expressionless, “ Oh, oh my god... uggh you hate it, fuck you so hate it.” Liam got up and at lightening pace was right in front of Zayn, Liam had to bend his head down slightly while Zayn went on his toes a bit, lips between his teeth. Liam grabbed his face and brought it between his palms, face hair breadth away from Zayn's , “god you are killing me Zaynie”. Zayn smiled, breath hitching at the statement, both looking at each other, none ready to dip in but neither moving away. Liam rested his forehead against Zayn's, eyes closed as he tried to slow his breathing, while Zayn looked at him wide eyed, breathing seemed unimportant at this moment. Liam slowly backed off, reluctantly pulling his palms from Zayn’s face, thumb pads brushing against his cheekbones before totally slipping off. He moved back and landed on his couch, head thrown back taking deep breaths. Zayn just smiled, fidgeting with his fingers as he moved to the opposite end, not sure of his self control anymore. After a few moments Liam opened one eye, looking directly at Zayn, “new rule, no wearing liner on your eyes at home”. Zayn looked down, smiling widely blushing like a teenage girl and nodded “okay” Zayn said giggling lightly, “okay” he repeats now in a complete giggling fit as he looked at Liam, who was looking at him with a small smile on his own face, then he moved to bend in front of Zayn’s couch, hands resting on his knees looking up at him “Don’t ever stop wearing it around me” he said, smile wide as he looked at Zayn, pupils slightly dilated. Zayn giggled, then hid his face into Liam’s neck, “okay” he whispered, still giggling as Liam out of Zayn's line of sight smiled widely, eyes crinkling sighing deeply. After a few moments, once Zayn had settled from his fits of giggles, head still placed snugly in the crook of Liam’s neck, who slightly adjusted so his mouth was right next to Zayn's ear “thanks”. Zayn just hummed, knowing the thanks wasn’t just for the kohl rimmed eyes and kept smiling softly into his shoulder.

“I don’t know it feels like we are manipulating them!!!” Zayn whined. He was spread on the couch, one leg dangling off the edge while Liam sat on the opposite one, back resting against the hand rest while his legs were aligned in front of him.  
“It's for their own good.”  
“Josh isn’t ready.”  
“And he never will be, donut”  
“Seriously? They are mature and old enough, they need to sort this out on their own. It’s like you can’t always solve things for them, man. Josh seriously needs to trust Niall.”

“Ouch, subtle Zayn subtle” Zayn stuck his tongue out at Liam from the opposite side. Liam continued after making a mock kissy face at Zayn, “anyway Louis and Harry agree. And anyway didn’t you want to make good food and have a nice time. This is a chance, it’s a sign and think about it, you get to help soulmates get together.” Damn Liam Payne and his puppy dog eyes, how could Zayn resist that? Not like Zayn could resist anything when it came to Liam. Louis had called them late into the night while Zayn was still snugly resting in Liam’s neck to tell them Josh was being a pain in the ass. The whole conversation was held on loudspeaker on both sides, with Liam agreeing with Louis and Harry that something must be done to get Josh to realise that Niall was to be treated better. The conversation had ended with the realisation that both Niall and Josh were idiots and it had been decided that if nothing works they will have to be forced to confront their feelings by their very good friends, this idea given by Zayn’s extremely smart soulmate, Liam Payne, yes, thank you he knows he's extremely smart. Louis and Harry had applauded and couldn’t believe how lucky they were to have such a smart friend, ‘Niall and Josh are lucky they have us’ Tommo had quoted, all of them agreeing to Liam's intelligence and idea while Zayn banged his head against a wall the whole while. Zayn had clearly expressed that he felt the whole situation was too forced and could go south all too easy, he had been shot down immediately. So, it had been decided- next week Harry would convince Niall to hold the party, Louis would get Josh, uninformed as to what exactly was going to happen and Liam and Zayn had to get the refreshments because... well why not? The whole idea was anyway mad, so after a bit Zayn just agreed knowing its useless to argue with these thick headed baboons. To cover up on the fact that this might be planned- ha, like that wasn’t obvious enough Zayn thought- Liam was going to call a few of the staff members while Harry would call people from where he and Niall worked. There was no bounds to there joy when the fantastic( ~~horrendous~~ ) plan had been cracked by the three geniuses- ~~fools~~. Since then Liam had been sitting on the couch with Zayn sat opposite- now totally in disagreement with Liam- trying to convince him to cook for the party and help in the growth of the geniuses they already were. But now with Liam all wide eyed and looking like a puppy Zayn couldn’t say a no, he took a deep breath then said “fine, fine but I still don’t like this” . Liam smiled at him, lips biting to contain the joy as he sat up straighter, hands on his knees as he looked at a bored looking Zayn who was still lazed out on the couch. “You'll be fine when they snog each other senseless because of us” Liam said with a wink and Zayn rolled his eyes, though his lips quirked up a bit, Liam noticed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaay I hope you liked that...idk I want to build a bit more Ziam before the smut starts but let's see....  
> AlsO please leave a kudos or comment and feedbacks cause they are always appreciated :)


	17. Baby I’m Yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok firstly I'm sorry but I had like zero motivation also the fact that this chapter contains smut just lowered my esteem even more because I'm a horrible smut writer as is evident by my last smut scene (what can I say? Smut is tough) but there are a few scenes in this chapter which were in my head since before I started writing this fic so like I tried to get them as lose to my imagination as possible.  
> Second huge huge huge thank you to all of you'll for the comments, kudos and reads. It's always super appreciated  
> Now on with the chapter

To say the least, Zayn was impressed. Niall really knew how to throw a party, the place was filled with known and unknown faces alike, the chatter was floating around the lawn and in the center there was plenty of food, courtesy Zayn Malik with his self acclaimed cooking prodigy Mr. Liam Payne, ~~he was shit.~~  People came in every few minutes complimenting Liam on the food, the favorite was obviously the chicken tikka. When Jane and Zack, somebody from where Harry and Niall worked came over to ask the recipe Liam was more than happy to talk to them about it.  
“It really is amazing Zayn” Zack had said, a tikka still in hand with the support of a tiny stick. Jane who was blushing asked a little embarrassed, “well, Zack and I really loved it. I try to make them at home all the time but you know they never come as crispy. Maybe if you could…” she trailed off, clearly asking for help. Zayn was about to answer but was cut off by an over excited Liam next to him, “Well, the chicken has to be fresh”, Liam started while Zayn looked at him amusedly, Liam had got the oldest possible chicken from the broiler the first time around, “and it has to be tender, very very tender. I like got it the first time, no help or anything. Complete prodigy, apparently have a dab hand at it, isn’t it Zayn?” Liam asked turning to Zayn, eyes full of excitement. Zack and Jane looked at Liam in wonder, awed at his extremely articulate opinion on something as simple as tikkas, if they only knew. Zayn was amused by the whole thing but just shook his head fondly at Liam then turned to face Jane and said, “you heard him, fresh and tender chicken is your go to.” Liam smiled all crinkly eyed first at Zayn then Zack and Jane, bouncing on the balls of his heels. They thanked Liam and walked off, who immediately turned to Zayn, “We make an amazayn team. Get it? Ama-Zayn. Like your name” Liam giggled, right up in Zayn’s face. Zayn stared at him for a few moments, still highly amused,  
“You're tipsy”  
“You're cute”  
“You're dumb”  
“doesn’t matter, you are stuck.”  
Zayn mock sighed dramatically, “I am the unfortunate one”. Liam smacked his sides slightly, just as Louis and Harry made their way towards them, both having equally wide mischievous grins on their face, God they had spend too many lifetimes together if they could mirror each other that well Liam thought fondly, Zayn on the other hand didn’t like the smile one bit, it meant trouble, big trouble. “What have you’ll done?” Zayn asked the moment they were close enough,  
“Nothing” they said together, a little too quick for Zayn’s liking  
“Boys” Zayn said in his most condescending teacher tone Zayn could muster, it didn’t deter Louis who had heard it too many times at school but Zayn hadn’t meant it for Louis. Harry’s smile faltered a bit, ‘ha! cracked’ thought Zayn proudly. Harry shuffled his feet a bit and Louis threw his head back “ughh Haz!!” Louis said, voice still soft because he could never actually get mad at Harry. “Lou, Zayn and Li should at least know” Harry said like a small child who was convincing his best friend to allow others in on a secret.  
“Well, if you must know” said Louis slowly, he was trying to take it as slow as possible, Zayn could see but then Harry spilled it:  
“We may or may not have locked Niall and Josh in his room.” Zayn and Liam groaned collectively, well at least now Liam is finally noticing why this plan was shit, Zayn thought.  
“What the fuck man? Why’d you’ll do it without me? I thought we had a pact” Liam whined. Obv-fucking-iously not, Zayn smacked himself mentally for thinking his soulmate capable enough to be mature in such a situation. A very drunk Louis and a tipsy Harry were now all over an even tipsier pouting Liam, apologizing profusely reassuring him that they were a team and that they loved Liam equally but couldn’t grab him in the rush of the moment while Liam kept pouting. “Always a team”; “Sorry Lima Bean” were heard by Zayn as he huffed and walked away from the increasingly drunk company.

X----------------------X------------------X--------------------------X---------------------------X-----------------------X-----------X

“HAZZA!!” Niall yelled loudly turning towards his room door which had just been pulled shut. “Harry! Harry! Open the door, Haz!” Niall screamed, kicking the door soundly. Harry had got him up here telling that he was too scared to go in alone into Niall’s room to retrieve his purse (“it’s a man bag, Nialler”), clearly there was no ‘man bag’ Niall huffed.  
“Niall?” called out a voice that was so familiar, Niall’s heart thudded as he turned around. There he was, the one man Niall had been avoiding in the party- Josh. It wasn’t as though Niall didn’t like Josh anymore but the problem with being soulmates was that he had started craving Josh, his body which had already had the taste of having its soulmate close to it refused to part now. Niall couldn’t anymore remember the last wank session, dream or thought that crossed his head which had not been preoccupied by the brunette

“Harry?”  
“Yep. Louis I'm guessing?”  
Josh hummed in agreement, both then awkwardly shuffled their feet in silence. Niall slid down along the wall and sat on the floor looking out of the window of his room, he could easily go there and shout out for someone to come and unlock the door but he didn’t want to. Josh’s presence was calming the clawing feeling that hadn’t left his body since the day he had let him go, been stupid enough to not stop him. If you ask Niall, he wants Josh to actually beg for forgiveness, make him work for it. Niall’s body? Not so much. Josh is still standing looking at Niall with his head to one side while Niall keeps looking out of the window, the silence between them ever expanding. Josh walks to the window, hips propped on the pane. Only his silhouette clear in the dark, Niall didn’t have the guts to face him in the light of the room just yet.  
“You say I can come to you whenever I want, tell me I’ll always have a friend in you and then avoid me like the plague” Josh said, his tone slightly harsh making Niall flinch. “You said things wont change but then never reply to my texts or calls, never once came out when I came to your work place”, Niall looked at him at that, he knows what he did was wrong, that he should have been stronger, should have been able to face Josh but he couldn’t. He couldn’t be strong, couldn’t see those beautiful eyes and not just fall to his knees and beg for him to come to him, to drop his walls and just let Niall in, to let Niall have what had been his since the start, so he took the easier way out- he avoided Josh.

“Its not fair you know?” Josh sighed as he looked over his shoulder at Niall. At that something inside Niall broke, “Not fair???!! NOT FAIR!!!! What do you mean not fair? Joshua Josh Devine you pathetic excuse of a man! You never had the guts to let me in!” Niall was screaming now, not caring who heard him, he had left his spot at the floor and was now stood, hands balled in fists of rage. “You arrogant prick, all I ever did was give and give and give to you. And what do you say? Its not fair! Ha! ha fucking ha! You don’t have the right to talk about what’s fair and what’s not!!” Josh was looking at him, eyes wide at the sudden out burst while Niall pointed an accusing finger at him, all the while eyes steadily getting wetter. He walked slowly towards Josh, still yelling “You never once let me in! never once thought how I was groveling and begging, I was begging for your love Josh. All I asked was love me, I love you, love me back, I need you please!!” Niall was now having a steady stream of tears down his red cheeks, he was clinging to Josh’s shirt, looking him straight in the eye. Josh just stared back as Niall clung to him, face steadily becoming redder and wetter, sniffling lightly. Eventually it was as though he couldn’t hold himself up anymore and slid to the floor, arms now clinging to Josh’s waist as he sobbed into it. Josh looked down at a mass of blonde hair, hand slowly stroking the head absentmindedly. It slowly washed on Josh, he had done this, he had made sweet, beautiful, chirpy Niall cry. He had been selfish and when he had been offered love and happiness he had backed down, too scared to be hurt, so scared that Niall could walk away leaving him alone… again. But here Niall was, literally groveling on his knees, begging for something which was rightfully his by all accords. He slipped to the floor so he and Niall were at the same level, looking him straight in the eye, the blue now blurred by all the tears collected in it. He took Niall’s face gently into his palm, all the while looking at the sniffling boy, “So beautiful, Niall, so gorgeous. I’m sorry, I'm sorry Niall, I know sorry doesn’t cover it, I know it doesn’t make up for what I did. I’m not even sure how to apologize enough for this, I don’t know how to make up, but can I at least get a chance? Can I at least try?” Niall looked at Josh, eyes slightly softer at the corners as he nodded the slightest and Josh smiled back, bringing their foreheads together just taking in Niall, eyes closed, biting his lips slightly, hands tightly fisted in Josh’s shirt.  
“You sure this time right?” Niall said after a few minutes, slightly startling Josh out of his reverie.  
“Yes”, Niall hummed slightly at that answer then slowly bought Josh closer using his grip on the shirt and raised his lips to Josh who this time didn’t hesitate before getting his lips against Niall’s. Josh poked his tongue out slightly and brushed it against Niall’s and the moment he got entrance his hand shifted from Niall’s face to his hips getting him closer, eventually having him sat on his lap, hands still fisted in Josh’s shirt as though he was scared that if he let go Josh might move away. Josh’s tongue just lazily licked against Niall’s, who moaned every time Josh got slightly more aggressive than the lazy flicks, eventually parting, because air is apparently a necessity. Both of them watched each other in awe as they panted, slightly out of breath, Niall slowly lowered his eyes, playing with the collar of Josh’s shirt and then slowly gazed at Josh, “I know something you can do to make up” he said coyly. Josh’s hands flew from Niall’s hips back to his face, adjusting his face so they were again looking at each other then said “Anything babe” his eyes dripping sincerity as he searched Niall’s face for an answer. Niall simply responded by rocking his hips against Josh’s crotch, who threw his head back in ecstasy and moaned understanding what Niall was implying.  
“Babe”  
“Josh please” Niall whimpered.  
“You sure?” Josh panted, but looked Niall in the eye to make sure that he wasn’t forcing himself as Niall nodded desperately, Josh slowly took of his own shirt with a little bit of help. As he went kissing Niall lower he whispered praises against his skin “so beautiful”; “so pretty”; Niall moaned loudly at that and thrust his hip up frantically. Josh put a hand on it and pushed him back to the floor again making him moan louder. As Josh took of his own pants, leaving his boxers on and Niall eagerly reached down to undo his own but was stopped by Josh who caught his both wrists in one hand and stretched them to go above his head, “keep them there” he breathed in Niall’s ears making him moan. Josh burrowed his face into the blondes neck for a few seconds, just breathing him in, trying to calm himself all the while slightly humping against the knee between his leg; then he bit into the soft skin of the neck as his hands slowly unbuttoned Niall’s shirt. Niall not being able to keep his hands still, wrapped them around Josh’s neck, keeping him close. Josh moaned and his arms found their way around Niall’s waist, pulling them more snugly against each other. Niall’s hand, that was not wrapped around Josh’s neck reached up to grasp the leg of the desk behind them, causing something to fall. He showed no indication of caring or even noticing it.  
After several long moments Josh drew back. Flashing Niall a grin, he placed his hands on his soulmates chest, then Josh’s lips were on him with a blinding intensity and Niall didn’t know what caused his breathlessness: the hands trying to get his shirt off completely or the hard way he was being pressed into the floor. When Josh moved away a bit, Niall wrapped their hands together and held them gently, still looking his soulmate in the eye “Josh…” he started, voice only above a whisper, even though there was no one else who could possibly hear them. “I… I love you.” Josh’s eyes widened at those words, but Niall continued hurriedly “I know we have had one too many fights and what sort of soulmates push each other away as harshly as we do? But I just feel like I had to tell you this and, I completely understand if you don’t feel the same or if you’d like to pretend none of this ever happened, but I just had to take this off my chest.”

Oh. Niall did love him, then. How was he supposed to react? Josh could feel the unshed tears in his eyes and his vision was growing blurry, but he didn’t want to cry. “But how can you love me? All I ever did was hurt you.” The last sentence was spoken so softly that Niall had to strain his ears to hear it. “I mean I understand you’re my soulmate-“ although it was true it had taken Josh weeks to truly accept that he had finally found his soulmate, that this beautiful creature was his. “-but… love me? Romantically? You want to, to kiss me and, you know, hold hands? Willingly?” Josh didn’t want Niall to feel pressurized to love him, he could let Niall be his friend, love him from far while Niall went ahead and got himself somebody worthy of his love, it’d hurt but he could do it.  
“What are you talking about? Of course I want to kiss you and hold your hand-” he squeezed Josh’s hand that was held in his to prove his point. “- and touch you all over. I…” and then Niall just got his hands up to Josh’s abdomen letting it roam freely on the naked expanse, flicking his blunt nails against Josh’s nipples making him close his eyes tightly and breath through a slightly open mouth. Niall blushed a little at the reaction before continuing, but he didn’t avert his eyes from Josh “and I just want to keep doing it, all the time. Holding your hand all the time, kissing you all the time and holding you all the time.”

  
It was Josh’s turn to blush and he even averted his gaze to the corner of the room, feeling unbearable to look into Niall’s eyes as he said all those things. But one of Niall’s hand moved off from Josh’s chest and went to his chin, pulling it back. They stared at each other for a moment and then Josh’s breath hitched as he saw Niall lick his own lips.

“I really want to kiss you right now” Niall whispered, leaning up towards Josh and away from the ground. Josh did the same moving in, eyes closed and heart hammering in his chest.

When Niall’s lips finally touched his own, Josh sighed in relief. This was really happening, this wasn’t a dream and Niall actually WANTED to kiss him. Not because he was being forced by the bond or any other reason, he simply wanted it. Niall adjusted a little, his hands going Josh’s face, cupping it softly and Josh, not knowing what to do with his hands, put his hands on top of Niall’s. So when they broke the kiss up, they remained as close as they were before, foreheads touching.

“Believe me now?” Niall said with a smirk, giving a quick peck on Josh’s lips before looking curiously at him again. Josh nodded but he again had tears in his eyes as he said “I.. I’m not beautiful. I’m pudgy and that’s ugly, you cant say it isn’t because I know it wouldn’t be true. How can I believe someone as handsome as you would find me attractive at all?” At that Niall gaped, he sat up straighter and adjusted Josh slightly who was now on his lap. “Are you fucking kidding me? You aren’t pudgy. My god, you are like huge and muscular and gigantic and a complete dork wrapped in a superheroes body. You’re so fucking gorgeous Josh. I love your eyes, they are the most exquisite ones I’ll ever know. And your smile! I melt every time you smile, and I hate that you don’t do it as often as I’d like you to. Your mouth is also so tauntingly succulent, and kissing you was the best feeling in the world. Your skin, your body I want to kiss it all, leave love bites so that when you see yourself in a mirror you never care about whatever makes you feel bad about yourself, but you instead look at the marks and cherish how I gave them to you, remembering how it felt.”

Josh was speechless there was still tears running down his face, but he couldn’t even blink, eyes fixed on Niall. That was one of the most lovely things he had ever heard and he had never, not even in his wildest dreams, thought anyone would genuinely love his body. Licking his lips Josh settled in more snugly in Niall’s lap, lips only slightly away from his. “Show me Nialler, how much you love me. I want all that.” Not only he wanted, but he needed to feel Niall’s love. Words were easy, they could often be deceiving, but actions? Josh truly believed Niall now, but he needed it, he needed it, he needed Niall to touch him and love him thoroughly.

Niall, as soon as Josh stopped speaking, kissed Josh passionately, Niall’s hands around him, holding him tight. They stayed like that for a long moment, just kissing each other, tasting and mapping each other’s mouths while they held each other as if their lives depended on it. And to Josh, nothing he had experienced before was as overwhelming and pure as this moment, as Niall willingly devoting himself to love Josh.  
Niall broke the kiss again to just stare at Josh’s chest and Josh couldn’t help but squirm under that blazing gaze. “Beautiful.” Niall whispered before kissing and sucking on Josh’ neck and shoulder, hands running all over Josh’ back, fingers gently tracing the plumpness on his back.  
Then Niall’s hand went to his chest and stomach, caressing him as if Josh could break if he was slightly rougher, and every time his fingers found a well defined muscle, they’d trace them tenderly while his kisses and sucks on Josh’ neck intensified. Josh could only gasp and hold Niall by the waist, fingers gripping tightly on the flesh as Niall’s mouth marked him over and over. Tired of only giving attention to Josh’ neck, Niall laid Josh back on the floor so he could explore his chest better; then he fulfilled his promise.  
Niall kissed every sinew, and at each and every one of them, he had sweet words spoken to Josh. “You’re beautiful”, “You’re perfect”, “I love you so much”, “I’m so happy you love me too” and all that, added with the kisses on his apparently pudgy parts and sucks on his unmarred skin, marking it with his mouth and his love, made Josh want to scream at the top of his lungs that he couldn’t believe how lucky he had been. He still wondered if he deserved this, but he couldn’t bring himself to care about any of that when Niall was so vehemently telling and showing him just how much he was loved.  
“Can I, uh… Can we go further?” Niall asked and Josh’ gaze went to the visible tent on his trousers before blushing and looking back at Niall and nodding. “I’mma take your boxers off now, ‘kay?” Josh nodded again. He was glad Niall was being mindful of asking him before doing something, even though Josh had asked him to do it before. It gave Josh the choice of backing off even though he knew he wouldn’t because he wanted this so much; it did help to prepare himself for it, though, so when Niall did take off his boxers, Josh was already expecting it, expecting Niall eyes travelling up and down his body.  
Niall then, continued kissing his skin, completely ignoring his hard dick. He kissed and marked Josh’s legs and thighs, even going as far as doing the same with his arms and murmuring he’d love to do the same on his back. “Nialler.” Josh whined in a small voice and Niall looked up from where he was almost at his shin. “Take off your trousers as well.” Niall brightened up at the idea and he promptly did as he was told; and Josh had to take a moment to just look at Niall  
Even though Niall liked to parade around completely naked – and Josh had gotten an eyeful a few times at Harry’s place – he had never been allowed to look like this, to see Niall hard – and for him! He couldn’t stop himself then and he brought his hands to Niall’s sides, running his hands throughout that soft, perfect skin. NIALL, not one to sit idly, lied down on top of Josh and kissed him ardently, teeth and tongue playing a big part in the kiss, his hips moving now that their cocks were bare and touching.  
And it felt so bloody good. Josh couldn’t even think straight anymore. He just wanted to touch and kiss, and be touched and kissed. Josh wanted more, but he didn’t know how to ask for more. Their dicks sliding together felt good, but he wanted to feel better. Thankfully, Niall brought up a solution. “Can we, please, please, Josh, can we fuck?” His voice was tight and breathless, but his eyes were bright and the blue green in them almost vanished due to the dilated pupils. “Yeah, Niall, yes.” Josh agreed and Niall actually moaned in relief, but before he could kiss Josh again, Josh continued. “How? I, I’ve never… done anything like this before.” Niall stared at him for a moment with a soft smile on his face and he stopped moving his hips. Bringing both hands to cup Josh’ face, Niall kissed him gently for a moment before speaking.  
“However you want. We can suck each other off or I can fuck you or you can fuck me. Whatever you want, Joshua, and we’ll do it.” And Josh knew he meant it. He even thought that if he asked for them to stop, Niall would accept it and get off of him and that made Josh even more aroused, knowing that Niall cared so much for his well being.  
“Fuck me. Love me, Niall.” They had lifetime in front of them, sharing a bed, so he knew they’d have time for all of it. And, Merlin, he wanted it all. But he had never even played with his own arse before, so having Niall do it first to him would help him learn, so next time, when he did fuck Niall, he wouldn’t hurt him or do anything wrong. There was only so much that he trusted in porn sites.  
Niall looked like a mad man after Josh’ words, mauling every inch of Josh’ skin with his mouth as his hands now gripped and squeezed anywhere they could reach. Niall asked Josh to open his legs and then knelt between them. He found his lube on the bedside table and came back opening it with a snick Josh knew all too well from his wank sessions. He then started kissing Josh’ thigh as one of his fingers touched Josh’ rim, just teasing for a moment before finally letting it slide in. Josh gasped at the sensation, clenching around the finger and Niall stopped moving, finger only half way in.  
“Does it hurt?” He asked, free hand going to Josh’ – still very erect – dick and pumping it a couple of times. Josh, however, shook his head.  
“No, it’s just… It’s weird.” He closed his eyes and breathed in and out and Niall felt the muscle unclenching around him. Truth be told, Josh could take a lot of pain and he guessed most of it was thanks to his low self esteem, so he doubted this would actually make any damage. Niall wouldn’t test it. “Go on. I’ll tell you to stop if it hurts.”  
Now, more prepared for the feeling, he moaned when he felt the rest of Niall’s’ finger going in. Niall moved the finger slowly at first and then he started trying to find Josh’ prostate and when he did – because Josh gave a howl of pleasure – he quickened his pace until Josh asked for another finger. Niall took his time to slide the second along, even though Josh wasn’t clenching on him, his breathing helping him to relax. In no time, Niall was fucking Josh with two of his fingers and when he noticed Josh was very much far gone, he started scissoring his fingers to open him wider, the feeling only making Josh writhe and moan on the bed, hands holding the legs of the desk behind tightly.  
“Niall do it, I’m ready.” Josh begged – or more like ordered, to which Niall found highly endearing, but he wouldn’t just do that. He added a third finger and continued opening him up, Josh’ eyes glazed with arousal as he looked straight at Niall’s’ face, mouth open as all sorts of pleased sounds fell out of it. When Niall finally deemed him ready, he used the lube on his own cock before positioning himself better in between Josh’ legs. “Finally.” Josh sighed in relief, hands going to wrap themselves around Niall’s neck.  
He felt the blunt head of Niall’s cock at his gaping entrance and at the first push inside, when the head was in, Josh couldn’t help but clench around him, Niall’s cock clearly thicker than only three fingers, regardless of the stretch Niall had given him. It didn’t hurt though, and it didn’t feel weird anymore, so Josh guessed it was a common reaction. It did make him a bit anxious though, but as soon as he unclenched, Niall was sliding in again, their breaths mingling together, eyes locked on each other, foreheads touching.  
And then Niall was completely inside and they both moaned at the feeling. Niall started moving, slowly and erratic at first, trying to not just come the moment he started moving and Josh got used to the feeling and it was amazing. Josh wanted to laugh and cry and come all at once, so overwhelmed he was. But Niall’s eyes were grounding him and as Niall started moving faster, a small grin forming on his perfect lips, Josh could only mimic it, letting Niall see how happy he truly was. It wasn’t just the sex – in fact, they were actually making love and that was what was special about all of this.  
When they were both too hot, Niall’s hips moving erratically, his thrusts becoming sloppier and Josh’ resolve was crashing, they both knew they were about to come. It seemed like they were at it for mere seconds and it seemed unfair, even though both knew minutes had passed them by. Josh knew he was about to come but he needed something to trip him over the edge, so he took one of his hands to his cock and started jerking off as fast as he could, and the pounding on his prostate, the way Niall’s length moved inside of him, it was all too much and he finally came with a howl of Niall’s name.  
Niall, on the other hands, growled and bit Josh’ shoulder as he started moving even more enthusiastically, but it was only half a dozen thrusts later that he was coming as well, hands squeezing Josh’ hips as he did.  
They remained still for a long while, their laboured breathing the only sound on the room as they tried to catch their breaths. Until Josh started laughing. Well, and crying too if he was honest, but he was just so happy, so overwhelmed he couldn’t contain himself. Niall chuckled on top of him but then winced when his soft cock moved inside of Josh and he pulled out before laughing as well, kissing Josh’ face as he did – on his lips, on clear skin, on top of his eyes, everywhere.  
“I love you, Josh Devine” He finally said when the laughter died down and only the smile remained.  
“I believe you, Niallator.” And in that moment, that was what mattered the most and Niall almost broke down himself, but Josh held him close and kissed him tenderly and whispered “I love you too” back while stroking Niall’s back.

X----X---------X--------X-------X---------X-----X  
Zayn had found himself a quite spot away from all the noise and was sat on a bench, pouting. This party was horrible, Zayn decided. First off, after his smug claims of Liam, Louis and Harry’s idea being daft he had been proven wrong when they had heard distinct moans coming from the room about half an hour ago. After taking the mickey out of Zayn, Liam had the audacity to go and start dancing with Grimshaw, of all the possible people obviously Liam had to dance with the one person who was a slut for him. Stupid, drunk Liam. So, Zayn had decided that this party was bad, horrible indeed seeing how his soulmate didn’t even offer him a dance or anything for that matter.

After pouting for a while he felt arms around his waist and the distinct smell of Old Ogden-Liam.  
“Come dance, Zaynie” he said lowly  
“I most certainly don’t dance” Zayn huffed  
“Dance with me” Liam whispered in his ears at which Zayn went stock still, simply turning to look at Liam’s face which was extremely close to him now, both breathing in each others air. Zayn was easily manuvered out of the bench and into Liam's arms in his shocked state. Liam simply put his arms around Zayn’s waist and looked down at him, eyes wrinkled at the corners in a smile. Zayn finally broke out of his reverie and huffed “there’s no music”. Liam removed an arm from around Zayn’s waist and got out his phone, then tapped around a bit on it after which he slowly leaned Zayn backwards, going in with him so that he could put the phone on the bench behind Zayn, all the while Zayn’s breath was caught in his throat and when the song slowly started and Liam moved back up again he took a deep breath.

  
As the slow cords of Eric Clapton filled the surrounding Liam took Zayn in his arms, the alcohol making him bolder as Zayn awkwardly put his hand on Liam’s shoulder. As Liam swayed Zayn with him, who’s hands were tightly clinging to Liam now because all of a sudden Liam decided to pick Zayn up, slightly off the ground he looked at Liam who looked right back down, eyes so alive and happy after such a long time, the first time for Zayn. Liam slowly bought one hand up to Zayn’s head and settled it comfortably against his chest, where Zayn was happy to hear Liam’s steady heart beat. After a few seconds Zayn spoke up, “I didn’t like the fact that you offered Nick a dance but not me”  
“ Yet here we are slow dancing”

“You offered it to him first” Zayn whispered back, both keeping their voices low as though this was a conversation just for them, not even the universe should be privy to it.  
“I did hmm?”  
“I didn’t like it” Zayn pouted, still snugly placed in Liam's hold now hardly moving as Liam pressed a smile to the top of Zayn's head.  
“You jealous?”  
“Very”  
“I'm sorry. Nick's anyway not my type”  
“Who is?”  
“My princess”  
Zayn went stock still at that, Liam had someone else? His voice was slightly watery when he asked again “Who’s that?”  
“Zayn Malik.”  
Zayn smiled brightly with his head snuggled under Liam's chin and held on just that much tighter to Liam.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup so it was Nosh not ZIAM that did the frick frack hahahah .... sorry but I just love myself a little Nosh, so that sets there ship sailing. Please leave feedback, suggestions and kudos cause those are always appreciated :)


	18. Just Say You Won't Let Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, first off I'm so sorry, i had a chapter ready but then the Robin thing happened andd I was too devastated so I cancelled out the whole friggin chapter and just rewrote it cause I was just sooooo sad cause nobody deserves that (Cancer sucks). Also this is really rushed but I just had too many thoughts in my head at once so yeah.....  
> Secondly, thank you for all the comments likes and reads on the previous chapters, highly appreciate them. Now, the chapter:

“Uggh ... ok I'm never drinking again, it’s official” Liam grumbled walking into the kitchen where Zayn looked smug till he got a good look at Liam’s face-it seemed miserable.  
“Isn’t that what you say every time, man?” Zayn said, but his tone was much softer than intended. Liam sat on his seat at the table, hands fisting into his hair and eyes tightly shut. He kept taking deep breaths as Zayn passed him a greasy bacon sandwich and prodded his elbow which was resting on the table with the plate. “Have some, you'll feel better in a bit. I'll make you some coffee if you’d like?” Zayn asked timidly. He had woken up at an ungodly hour (a feat for him specially considering how late they came back home last night) and had gone out of his way to make food to cure a hangover, without once considering whether Liam would want his help or not. At the time it had seemed like a great plan, but now Zayn thought he might seem slightly overbearing. Liam groaned at the smell , but it was a grateful groan as Zayn turned around to pour himself milk in his cereals.  
“God you're a life saver, Princess” Liam moaned taking in the first bite (more like half the sandwich) and Zayn’s hand stopped mid air where it was reaching for his bowl filled with cereals, one hand still having the milk carton. He stood stock still, back still facing Liam as he whispered, “what'd you call me?” Liam who seemed too busy eating his sandwich stopped mid way realising what he'd said out loud in the broad daylight- much too different from the isolation and darkness of the party. “Ummmm.... princess?... I mean you know.... Louis...” obviously Louis, Zayn thought, “I mean Louis told me you liked being called princess and I mean last night.... I mean last night... you know... you know... you... you...you didn’t mind that much so... so ....so yeah... I thought.... you know...” Liam trailed off. Zayn who’s back was still to Liam, hands still holding the carton and cereal smiled, unseen by Liam who was now looking at Zayn's back with eyes filled with panic. “Look... I mean... I could... uhhhh Zayn.... I mean ... I could... ummm .... you know.... uhhhh Zayn if you want.... ummm... you know I can still call you that... I mean Zayn, you know” Liam stammered, heart thudding loud enough to be heard by.... probably the whole kitchen. Zayn’s smile got wider as he casually said “Awww that’s sad you know?” He said the last part in a mock impression of Liam’s nervousness and turned around hips resting on the counter, eyes full of mischief and smile wide“ I kinda had started liking the sound of Princess from those lips.” Liam looked at his sandwich, a furious shade of red covering his cheeks, hand sheepishly rubbing his neck while he slightly raised his head, eyebrow cocked and asked:  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah” Zayn said, both just looking at each other  
smiling like fools.

X-------X------X-------X--------X---------X----X

  
When the news came Harry wasn’t exactly expecting it- least to say you never really are expecting such things. It had been 3 days since their last visit to Anne and Holmes Chapel wasn't all that far from Wolverhampton but with the party, Niall and Josh and all the drama they hadn’t exactly had the time to make another quick visit. That morning, like any other was loud (with Louis around that’s always the case) and Harry was lecturing Louis while flipping pancakes as Louis, ignoring all of Harry’s lecture was busy throwing leaves from the potted plant on their table at Harry. When the phone rang Louis insisted Harry go and pick it but Harry whined on the lines of how he was cooking and Louis was being useless so obviously, Louis must go.

It was a quite ten minutes before he came back, in which Harry had thought of going and checking on him but ignored it in favour of doing the newspapers crossword for the day. Next when Louis came in it was with a backpack, still stuffing a track pant that looked like his own, his cheeks tear tracked and Harry didn’t even have time to register- his head on auto pilot moving to grab the car keys, already knowing the worst had happen- as Louis opened his mouth but nothing came out, both of them rushing to their car with half packed bags.

As Harry twisted the key in the ignition again and again to no avail, Louis simply covered his hand with his own and gently pried it away from the key. When Louis looked up at Harry who’s eyes were steadily getting wetter, he simply nodded his head in understanding, got out and went over to the driver's seat while Harry pushed his gangly limbs towards the passenger side, not bothering to get out of the car. As Louis swerved and zoomed the car through the roads, driving as fast as legal and sometimes even breaking the laws all he could be grateful for was the lack of traffic on the road this morning.  
Holmes Chapel on good days is a beautiful site to behold. It was one of those days, cloudless sky, bright sun and a relatively warmer temperature- it wasn’t a site to behold. The whole way Harry had been steadily leaking tears, his face now extremely red and eyes watery and swollen, Louis had held onto any semblance of peace- he couldn’t break down, not this time, this time it was he who would support Harry, keep him grounded, show him that though most things in life are futile love isn’t, love goes on even after we pass. Love of a child for their mother, of a soulmate to one and other, of friends and of lovers. Love in a world full of misery, is the only hope we can all cling on to. Something that goes on beyond our own lives.

  
When they parked Gemma’s car was already there in the driveway and there were a few of the neighbours flitting in and out of the house. Harry took a deep breath and Louis squeezed his hand reassuringly, making him look up, eyes constantly brimmed with tears. For the first time in the past 2 hours Harry spoke, voice still weak and rough due to disuse “Loueh I can’t ...” a sob wracked his entire body “I can’t do it Lou... I won’t be able to be the man of the house” Harry sobs and Louis immediately pulls him into his arms leaning across his seat. He takes a deep breath, trying to control his own overpowering emotions as scenes from 5 years ago played in his head. “Shhh... hush baby... I’m right here Haz, it’s all right, it’s all going to be ok love, you are so strong and so kind” he spoke quietly into Harry's neck, “Robin is so proud of you, wherever he is, he’s looking down and he’s so proud of his baby” he took another shaky breath, why didn’t schools have courses on how to handle tough situations and make people you love feel better? No, instead useless things like calculus and French Revolution were given greater priority. “I'm so proud of you Haz, and Anne and Gemma love you so much, Robin loved you so much. Baby, you'll were his world, he won’t let anything happen to you'll, Angel. He'll look after you'll, wherever he is he'll be there whenever you need it, in spirit and thought.” Harry just clung on harder to Louis, not yet ready to let go. They sat there holding and breathing each other in, until finally Louis reached behind himself to loosen Harry’s grip who clung on tighter. “Time to go sweetheart”

“Just a little bit longer” Harry whined but Louis slackened the hold and pushing Harry slightly away looked into his eyes, holding onto his head, foreheads touching each other

  
“I will be standing right next to you through it all” Louis said.  
“Promise?” Harry asked with child like innocence, a heart shattering scene.  
“Always” Louis said, simultaneously taking both of Harry’s hands in his own and holding them close to his chest so his heart could be felt pounding.

  
When they entered the house, before anything could be registered Gemma flew across the room and held on tightly to her brother, sobbing soundly into his chest and clinging to him like a lifeline, while Anne, her beautiful face marred with tear tracks, pale and haunted made her way to her son and daughter, quickly holding both of them in a vice like grip together, like keeping them like this physically somehow meant keeping her family together. Not even a moment passed when the huddle shifted to make the tiniest possible space and Anne looked and Louis with a sad smile and ushered him right into the embrace. Louis had always admired Anne's strength, her ability to smile even in great adversity, how fiercely protective she always was of her loved ones- something both her daughter and son had picked up. Louis had looked up to Anne since he was 13 and had first met Harry, his mum had been Anne's best friend and she was close enough to be considered Louis’ own mother. Then there was Robin, oldest in the generation- he was hilarious and a lot of Louis humorous side existed because of the influence Robin was on him while growing up.  
As they are sat in the living room, Harry now tending with utmost attention to his immediate family and all the gathered friends Louis loses himself to the past for a bit. He had met Harry when he was 13 himself and Harry was just a tiny lanky 11 year old, not like Louis was much too older to be saying anything about it. Not like after he had seen the absolute cutie, that was Harry, he had been able to say much at all. Harry had just moved with his family to Doncaster and Louis had seen Harry through his room window moving in next door. He wasn’t proud of the fact that his actual intention of going up to Harry’s house had initially been to bully the kid who was wearing clothes too feminine to be seen on a boy. But that dissolved all too quickly when his mother, who had baked a new batch of brownies and had insisted they go greet the new neighbours took him and Harry looked him in the eye for the first time- when blue met green it was the beginning of the end. Louis knew that this boy, this lanky green eyed, curly haired boy was going to consume him body, mind and soul. In the past 11 years that they have been together Louis had been proud to say that he had indeed been destructed and reconstructed by the greatness that is Harry Styles. He remembers meeting Robin for the first time-Jay and Mark had insisted on a welcome to the neighbourhood dinner and Louis was just happy that he got another excuse to see the curly haired boy. He remembers Robin coming in with Anne, Gemma (fierce even in her younger years as she stood beside her mum but had immediately taken a liking to Louis sisters and himself) and of course an extremely shy and blushing Harry. Robin had a belly, the kind that father's tend to posses, his eyes were kind and his laughter ringing like the wind chimes. He laughed openly at Marks jokes and drank only a glass of wine- which was significantly less when compared to the other adults that night. He had even had a conversation with Louis. What Louis remembers most distinctly about this said conversation, is how Robin- unlike the other adults in Louis life at that point- had treated him like an adult regardless of his age. He had given Louis the kind of acceptance and respect that a 13 year old, stuck between being too old to be a child yet too young to be an adult craves. He still remembers how he had taken Louis seriously when Louis had told him he'd rather stay in a small town where everybody knew him and he was happy with friends then go to some big ass city like London and live there with no time to devote to Harry (“because oh my god do I love him Robin, he deserves to be worshipped and loved with unparalleled intensity” Louis had once told Robin) and making money but not enjoying it. He had never once pressured him to go to a city and make something huge of himself, never told him that he didn’t deserve Harry when things got bad after Jay passed away (his own sisters had said that though, and frankly he couldn’t agree more). He still remembers the one time when he was seventeen and Harry was fifteen and Robin had walked in on them having sex and had just said “use protection boys” and left the room chuckling (neither of them completed the act out of embarrassment).

Louis gets up and goes to mingle with the few people he knows, he makes mundane conversation and accepts people's condolences, reassures everyone that he will be taking care of Harry and his family and if any need be he'd inform them. The funeral was set for five days from now and Louis send out a message to Josh, Liam, Niall and Zayn informing them about the tragic news and asking them to make their way to Holmes Chapel as soon as possible. Louis stood on the porch, away from all the attention and crowd with his fingers wrapped around the ciggrate stick, smoke slowly blowing off from his slightly parted lips, he knew if Harry found him like this he'd probably get unhappy but the thing was he needed to relax, to be able to accept the intensity of what had happened.

Harry came and stood beside him, leaning on the stands on the porch.  
“I thought you quit”  
“Need an occasional one here and there”  
Harry hummed, for a bit they were silent. “The boys called , said they'll be here latest by tonight.” Now it was Louis who hummed and Harry continued after a bit “thanks, I wouldn’t have been able to tell them without breaking down. And mum doesn’t really need any more tears, her and Gemma are enough”. They again fall into silence, a sombre one, something heavy hanging in the air.  
“You know it’s fine to cry right? Robin was your dad.”  
“Step”  
“As good as real”  
“Yea, left like the real one didn’t he?”  
“Oh Harry, love...”  
At that Harry turned to face him, his hands were clenched into fists, eyes full of tears while he bit his lips as though forcing himself to not cry, to not sob and wail and curse at all things that surrounded him.  
“You know what mum said? Right now when I was in there with her? Do you?”  
Louis shook his head in negative, eyes full of concern looking up at his little goofball of a soulmate who seemed so shattered right now. “She said she'll miss my eyes the most” Harry said giving out an ugly sob and falling to his knees, arms automatically wrapping around Louis tiny waist and watering up his shirt. “Mama won’t be able to see my eyes with their green anymore Louis, won’t ever be happy again. What are we going to do now Lou? What will I do without him?” Louis let his hands go into Harry’s hair but he stood in silence, he hadn’t let the intensity of Robins death sink in but now that he thinks of it he knows for sure that he'd rather die- die than not see those beautiful green eyes, let this world go if he couldn't stare into its depths and fall in love all over again every single time. He realised how tough it'll be on Anne when she won’t get to see the complete beauty of these two gorgeous people who she created, Anne who had first lost one soulmate, then a best friend and now another soulmate. Anne deserved nothing but happiness and kindness.  
X-----X------X--------X-------X-------X--------X  
Laying on the bed that night after Josh and Niall had been given one room and Zayn and Liam the other, Louis was lying down next to a deeply breathing asleep Harry. His nose was still red and eyelashes clamped from all the crying he had done before sleeping, nose buried into Louis neck who had softly stroked his hair through it all.  
“Why do the best people always have to die, Boo Bear?” he had asked, voice cracked and throaty from all the crying, body still being wracked by sobs. Louis had thought a bit, the thing with such questions is there is no right answer, that the solution to such things have to be crafted with extreme care and empathy. Louis would not let his brash side answer this one. He thought for a little longer then said softly,  
“When you go to a garden, which flowers do you pick up Haz?”  
“The prettiest ones”  
“Exactly.”  
At the answer Harry had held Louis tighter, it was uncomfortable but he wasn’t going to complain, not right now not ever.  
“Will you also leave me Boo Bear?”  
“You're always in my heart Harry Styles.”  
Now, lying next to a fast asleep Harry, Louis let’s his mind wander. The first time Louis had walked into Harry’s house back in Doncaster, his mum in tow, Harry had been in the garden, hosepipe in hand watering the little shrubbery in front of him facing away from the main gate.  
“Hi” said Louis, voice loud and ringing waiting for the tiny boy to turn to greet him. Though what greeted him was a big jet of water from the hosepipe as Harry turned around by mistake aiming it at Louis. He looked down to see his drenched shirt and faced Harry again, this time pissed and ready to beat the crap out of the boy regardless of his mum's presence. “Oops” said Harry, green eyes meeting blue, the world slowly going into vivid colours and all Louis could see was the sweet creature standing in front of him-curly hair, eyes green, cheeks deep red with blush and hose pipe still in hand (thankfully this time away from Louis) and all of his anger melted away, just like that Louis Tomlinson knew he was in love and always will be. Louis smiles a sad small smile at that memory probably the one he'd take with him into forever.

  
When Jay had passed away Anne had been too devastated at the loss and had decided it was time to move back to Holmes Chapel, said she couldn’t bear the hard memories that Doncaster bought back. She had insisted that Harry and Louis (who was the only one legal to move out in his family) come along as Gemma would go to London to study and she didn’t want Louis to feel too alone without his mum. For Louis, Doncaster seemed even more painful than it did to Anne but he refused to go to Holmes Chapel. He had decided he needed to get out of the town but also get away and start a new life, he decided on Wolverhampton-small, peaceful and new people. Louis refused to make a decision for Harry saying he understood if Harry didn’t want to come along and instead wanted to leave for Holmes Chapel, that they could meet on the weekends and that obviously his parents are more important. Harry, even at seventeen was intense, he was too much of everything but more so he was much too devoted to Louis and their relationship, he refused to go to Holmes Chapel, said he’d go wherever Louis wants and was willing to take him. That was the first time Harry had ever raised his voice, first at Anne saying he didn’t want to move to Holmes Chapel and would stay with the love of his life, that he loved Louis and wasn’t leaving him no matter what the cost. Now that Louis looks back he feels everybody already knew what was to come around- knew the cost of Harry going away with Louis so young, right after his mum’s death, like everybody already knew the hell that Louis would put Harry through. He feels Harry knew it too, and the fact that he still came out of just pure love is what makes Louis feel inadequate as a lover on his behalf. Robin had been the only one siding Harry, saying he completely understood the predicament and would side by him regardless of his stand.  
Second person to be yelled at that night-Louis. Who had refused to take Harry with him, told him time and time again that he had nothing to provide Harry (“but all I want is you”), how he had no money (“We’ll take my savings), how he was too young (“ I don’t care”). He had then gone on to scream at Louis calling him a coward, asking him why he had even pretended to love Harry when clearly it was otherwise (that had hurt), how no matter what Louis tried to do Harry would follow him to the ends of the Earth and he didn’t have a say in it. The next morning before Louis had even gotten to his car Harry was standing there , bags packed and ready to go. Louis couldn’t ever thank that seventeen year old boy enough for being so compassionate and brave. Once in Wolverhampton things had spiralled downwards pretty soon, but Harry never once wavered or showed remorse on choosing Louis over his family, he worked and worked providing enough money, supplies and love for both of them in the relationship. Took whatever he could get and never asked for more. Made sure that no matter how Louis behaved (which at times was extremely harsh) he knew how loved he was. Even when at times Louis gave him nothing but pain Harry got Louis back- baby steps and one at a time- by the time two years passed, Louis had a job and they had new friends that loved them like family, there were starting to be more good days than bad. When the final straw hit and Harry lost his patience, when the accusations for cheating flew around Louis had already fully (or as wholly as one could expect after losing their mum) recovered, when Harry lost his mind and told Louis to leave and never come back, it took him a night and a friend as good as Liam but he knew he had fucked up and wasn’t going to let Harry go, not then not ever. He promised Harry that day that he'd cherish him, that he knew Harry would never cheat on him with Danielle and that he had never slept with anyone either. He promised to love Harry harder every single day, a promise he refuses to break. It took them time but this time with two of them working together it was easier to mend back the pieces of abdomen relationship, the only semblance of living twenty one year Louis knew. His heart outside his body-Harry.

Now that Louis thinks of it, back then, everything he got, he got from Haz and now, when Harry needs him giving back is all he wants to do. He looks at the sky losing it’s deep hue and going to a lighter shade. He looks at Harry’s sleeping form, hands slowly stroking his face and realises this is how tragedies hit, it’s not that you can see any change, the sun rises just the same and the world turns no matter what. It didn't look like the Apocalypse, just another mild spring day with dew on the window sill and the sky turning blue in the growing light.  
That was the problem: the end of the world didn't come about like a film, all wrapped up in an hour and a half. The real end of the world happened when horrors became routine, when loved ones went so far away that they couldn’t be retrieved.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I did some kinda justice to Robin's personality cause I really just feel he must be this fun, goofy guy and kinda wanted to dedicate the chapter to him. Also I hope you'll liked it. Please leave your feedback and kudos as they are always very motivating as a writer.


	19. Just Trying To Be In This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay,first off,I'm a horrible person cause I just never update like I'm so very sorry, but uni completely drains me out. Also I have a humongous writers block,like ik where I wanna go with this story but don't know how. But yeah I took an off today and suddenly remembered about this,so here you go(whoever is still reading):

The thing was that Zayn hadn’t ever been to a funeral, his parents were well and alive (Thank God for that) and his grandparents were also kicking in their old age, a gratuitous presence to have. The only word he could describe the funeral as- morose. He didn’t expect it to be flower petals and happy days but the gloom was more than he had anticipated and now sitting across the bed, still in his tuxedo with Liam on the other edge, shoulders hunched up and hand in hair, blazer already discarded on the wooden chair in the room, shirt going transparent due to the perspiration running down his back he didn’t know what to do. It had been an hour, the sun had set hours ago and the gathering had ended an hour ago, Zayn had hugged Anne and Gemma before moving up to the room behind Liam, he couldn’t find Harry but was sure he must have been talking to the few wanderers who were still around remembering Robin. Liam had been in the same position when he had entered and now after fifteen minutes of showing no signs of life except the steady rise and fall of his back on the intake of air, Zayn was getting scared, but also he was getting pissed. It was Zayn’s first ever funeral and all he wanted was for Liam to wrap him in his arms, keep him safe, and tell him everything would be okay. That indeed the world is still beautiful with all it’s nuances and crevices, with its sorrows and tragedies. Tonight, for once, Zayn knew that he needed Liam.

  
“Talk to me” Zayn said slowly moving across the bed to Liam, “say something, tell me what's on you mind”.  
“Go off to sleep Zayn”, Liam said briskly turning off the bedside lamp throwing the room into darkness, save the slight moonlight peaking in.

“I’m not even in my pyjamas”, he cried like a baby, “ Liam talk to me, please”  
“Take off your blazer and pant. Take it off, and you can sleep with the shirt” Liam replied, not bothering to oblige with Zayn’s second request.  
Zayn who was now behind Liam, eyes teary because of this standoffish behaviour on Liam’s part and his own fear, extended his hand to Liam’s shoulder, “Liam...”

“WHAT??!!” yelled Liam the minute Zayn’s hand touched his shoulders, he had got up and turned around in anger, now facing a baffled and fearful Zayn who was clinging to the bed spread, hair wild and looking at Liam with Bambi eyes. “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY??! WHAT CAN I SAY THAT’LL MAKE THIS BETTER?” Thank Anne for soundproofing her house. “JAY DIED, DANI DIED, SO DID ROBIN! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS! DON’T YOU SEE ZAYN, THIS IS LIFE!!” Zayn looked at him, eyes slowly rolling tears down as Liam walked steadily back towards him, bending over to look in his eyes and holding him by his shoulder shaking him slightly, “DON’T YOU SEE!! PEOPLE DIE,THEY LEAVE! YOU CAN’T FORCE THEM TO STAY! I'LL LOSE YOU TOO!! YOU WILL GO!” he roared, eyes red with anger or fear Zayn didn’t know, “I WILL LOSE YOU!AND I WILL DIE, I’LL DIE IF I LOSE YOU ZAYN!! I CAN’T LOSE YOU! YOU ARE MINE, MY ONLY LIFE, MY ONLY HOPE! I CAN’T HAVE YOU GONE! YOU ARE THE ONLY REASON FOR MY WORLDLY EXISTENCE! YOU CAN’T GO AWAY LIKE THIS! I NEED YOU!!” Liam grabbed on to Zayn, hollering him right into his arms both of them going harshly towards the rooms wall due to the momentum, “c’mon then, c’mon” said Zayn softly and Liam kissed Zayn before he could even emit another sound. Liam held him to his height, one hand holding Zayn’s waist up and the other fisting his hair for more access. Zayn, who was surprised (in a good way) by this gesture, had just started catching up, one hand slowly moving to Liam’s neck, the other on his chest right above his heartbeat. Liam bit Zayn’s lower lip in an aggressive manner completely dominating the kiss with his tongue, hand squeezing Zayn’s tiny waist aligning their crotch and gave a slight thrust. Zayn whimpered and Liam continued assaulting his mouth, learning every corner as Zayn willingly submitted. When air became a necessity, Liam broke the kiss, a string of saliva between both of their lips and slight huffs. Liam was still holding Zayn, humping their crotch together, and Zayn whimpered looking at him wide eyes while Liam had a slightly possessive expression on his face, that made Zayn look away, down at his hand lying on Liam’s beating heart, he could feel the perky nipple below and gently brushed his hand over the clothed area earning a groan from Liam who threw his head back at even that small pleasure, still humping his soulmate. Zayn whipped his head up in surprise at this reacting then again brushed his hand against it in curiosity earning a louder groan. Biting his lip, hip constantly moving against Liam, Zayn looked down shyly and opened the top two buttons of Liam’s shirt and stroked his hand down the tiny bronze hair there, moving towards his pecs. Liam just kept up his pelvic motion, head thrown back ,hooded eyes looking at his shy mate who was assessing his body in complete awe. Zayn brushed his pinkie finger, this time over the naked nipple, “Zayn” cried Liam, hips stuttering and then moving faster grabbing whatever little of Zayn’s ass was there to halt him from making any hip movement. Zayn gave a shy smile to Liam and looked down at the brown nub again, panting slightly with the feeling of being humped by Liam Payne. He this time plucked on it slightly and Liam groaned, deep and low, the hand that was in Zayn’s hair came down to his chin to make him look into Liam’s eyes, a red blush covering his whole face, lips parted to let out heavy breaths , “who taught you to kiss like that?” Liam asked, Zayn looked away shyly and again started playing with Liam’s areola in fascination, twisting and turning it. Liam growled this time, he legit let out a low growl and forced his mate to look up at him, slowly backing them to the bed. The friction was not enough for Liam and Zayn being a shy and tease all at once wasn’t helping relieve any pressure. “I asked you something Princess,” Liam said, and Zayn gasped, jackpot! Zayn could never ignore Liam calling him Princess. Liam eased Zayn onto the bed moving away slightly, intending to ease off their pants for more access but Zayn grabbed Liam’s shoulder, pressing into it deeply leaving crescent marks, other hand once again coming to Liam’s tit pleasuring it in any manner he could, as though a kid trying to appease their elder. Liam again tried to move back from the extremely enjoyable manhandling only to be tugged at again.  
“Leeyum” cried Zayn as Liam moved away, doing away as quickly as he could with his pants (Zayn was like a baby desperate for candy when it came to making out, apparently)  
“Princess ” said Liam sharply, removing his pants, now down to the last ankle watching Zayn squirm, all Bambi eyed but never once touching his own crotch. “Leeyum please” Zayn cried now humping the air, hands fisted in the sheets looking at Liam for respite. Liam quickly undid Zayn’s pants straddling him, and Zayn being impatient put his hand on Liam’s clothes cock, touching it through the material, least interested in his own body or the ministration’s happening on it, but instead enjoying the erect cock of his soulmate, playing as though it’s his favourite thing in the world. Liam stuttered in removing Zayn’s pants when he nearly touched his balls.  
“Princess” Liam groaned and Zayn looked up, eyes mischievous and giggled. Zayn then moved slightly up to move his fingers into the elastic of Liam’s boxers but the latter moved off him in favour of ridding him of the pants. Now just in boxers, Liam stood in awe of Zayn, how the boy was insistently fisting his own hair and whimpering- broken sounds and a name that sounded like amorentia from his lips. “Leeyum” Zayn whimpered looking into his eyes when he slowly eased down on him, “Leeyum please”. Zayn didn’t even know what he was begging for any more, all he knew was that Liam was there and that he would give him what he needs. Liam spread Zayn’s legs wide, then gave a kiss to the clothed crotch. He then slowly moved upwards kissing every point he could on Zayn’s body who was humping on his leg simultaneously, small whimpers leaving his mouth which was hanging open. As Liam licked his tongue across one of Zayn’s pert nipple, he felt the body under him start to spasm as his soulmate started to cum- eyes closed, nails biting into Liam’s back and small huffs of air leaving his mouth. Liam let him ride out his orgasm, all the while teasing his nipple and moving his leg against Zayn’s crotch to help him. Once Zayn was done, he lay with his eyes closed, small smile playing on his lips as he wanted slightly.

“Did you just..?”  
“You’re good , not really my fault”  
“Zayn..” said Liam, as he slowly removed his own boxers. Zayn, who was still blissed out from his orgasm hummed. Liam who was now done with removing his boxers, slowly straddled Zayn and creeped up to his face, dick directly in front of his lips. This got Zayn’s attention who gasped, eyes glazing over again his eyes going up to meet Liam.  
“It’s so pretty” Zayn commented, eyes going back to devour the thick and long prick in front of him, the strong thighs that were next to it, muscles flexing as he adjusted himself over Zayn. Liam took his cock in his hand, slowly stroking it seeing Zayn- flushed, his eyes wide in awe as he devoured all the naked skin in front of him, hands moving to his abs to relish them- “I’m a little bit jealous of your six packs Leeyum” he whispered.  
“All yours, babe” Liam said, the thumb of his free hand pushing on Zayn’s lower lip, who immediately started sucking on to it, hands wrapping around Liam’s wrist looking deep into his eyes. Liam threw his head back in pleasure, thumb moving out of the heavenly mouth, “open up, Princess”. Zayn's lips immediately parted, tongue peeking out waiting for it. Liam lost it at that sight, dick ejaculating white strips of him straight onto the pink tongue and the strong cheekbones. He fell limp on top of Zayn, body relaxed sated, mouth slightly upturned in the ghost of a smile with a panting Zayn below him.

“Liam?”  
“Hmm...”  
“You're crushing me” Zayn breathed put airily. Liam moved to one of the sides spooning Zayn in , who wiggled his bum against Liam’s crotch like the little tease he was, making him groan. “You old Liam” he giggled, “I'm tired" “Hence you’re old”. There was a little silence in which Liam felt Zayn starting to breathe deep and evenly, slept off after being sated (ha! Now who’s old). Liam snuggled closer, nose pressing into Zayn’s neck, taking in the smell of peppermint and pine (Anne and he choices of body wash, you see). He took in a deep breath and settled against Zayn, eyes shutting in exhaustion and an odd calm that settled in him after almost a year and a half, for the first time in 18 month's he didn’t think of Danielle before sleeping.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya well,it wasn't sex but I didn't want them to do it just yet. Also thank you for reading,I'm very appreciative of all the reads,kudos and comments. Thank you so much,I hope you enjoyed this,and I'll try to be more regular. Xoxo


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